I've now spent 9 months devoted to learning to love myself with compassion and I must  say that I had not expected that happening in the future I had previously envisioned.  I actually thought that I loved myself enough before but the level of self love I am achieving now is mind-boggling at times.  So much of my past has arisen again to be let go of.  I had worked through so much already and felt very confident that those things that once haunted me were fully resolved as they did not trigger reactions within me anymore.  What I had not known was that those things could present in a way as to now be positives.

Knowing my past self as I do (with love), if anyone had told me that one day I would not only forgive the people who hurt me but that I would also be able to feel grateful for what happened, I would have reacted very very rudely.  I am stunned and amazed at my capacity for love as I can honestly say that is the person I am now.  Dealing with my pain at a Soul level has changed me forever and I not only truly love who I am right now, I also adore my past self and all other beings for the chance I now have to be me.  I have faced the shades of who I am and learned to love all that arises.  The lessons now are to simply see myself reflecting back from the world around me and love that too.  My brain still reacts in its old ways of taking things personally but I am now able to observe those reactions instead of becoming them.  This observing creates a space to feel my feelings without judgment or attachment and look for the reflection.  No pressure, worry, criticism or expectations on myself, just patient awareness and interest.

Re-birthing at this capacity is amazing and intriguing.  Allowing myself to experience divine unity has created opportunities I never imagined before.  Allowing my heart to open fully to myself is even more rewarding than loving others is.  I was just telling my husband last night that although I have been skilled at feeling things like sadness, grief, anger, guilt, despair, fear, terror and the like for quite some time now, the feelings I'm having now of gratitude, bliss, peace, love, compassion and devotion are at times very overwhelming.  The beautiful thing is that I know how to get through it because I put it out their while leading a workshop for young women about 8 years ago.  I was told by a person in authority that I was wrong so I stopped believing it.  Now I can see that happened because I myself thought that way about it.  I thought I was wrong and so I drew the reflection of that from that person.  There is no blame and I am feeling so grateful right now to recognise the learning.  I have had such doubt about myself in my life and it's time I trusted myself and learned to stand even more firmly in that trust than ever.

Last week my heart told me what I need and I went into fear, trying to think and rationalise reasons to doubt it.  A whole bunch of little things went awry and even though I received many signs to move forward, I still hesitated and questioned.  Today I decided to give myself permission to say yes and the reaction I got was a perfect reflection for my own doubts.  That helped me so much to see how irrational my fear is and now I have stepped forward.  I have no expectation of the outcome, I just needed to tell myself yes and now I have.  Within 20 minutes of that, I got a fabulous gift out of the blue.  These are the signs I love to receive and stay attuned to now every day, more reasons to trust myself.

At+Onement 

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