This morning as I'm taking part in the Love Yourself More 7 Day Challenge, I'm writing out a 50 item bucket list. I've easily got to 25 but stopped suddenly as I'm now drawing a blank. I thought I'd let it go for a bit and see what arises on its own. As I sat musing, it occurred to me that the reason I've drawn a blank is that for the past decade I've been living my old bucket list.
12 years ago I sat in a workshop with other women and was asked to write down five things I'd always wanted to try but never got to. I could not think of even one thing that I wanted at all. I was mortified and dug deep to try and recall even one thing. After about ten minutes I came up with three things and I decided I had better really think about it when I got home. I'd spent years not knowing who I really was, what I liked or what I wanted and I knew that I wanted that to change. I think it took me about a week to come up with five things that first time. I did the same workshop about 3 times over the next two years and it was easier every time. About 4 years after the first workshop, I found the piece of paper that I had written my five things on and I was amazed to see I had done each of those things without even realising. I hadn't given my 'mini bucket list' much thought then and had actually not recognised it as any kind of bucket list but it was. Around that time the move "The Bucket List" came out with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson starring. I loved it and began a more formal bucket list but I think I only came up with about 15 items for mine. I did some surfing on the Net and found examples to draw on and give me some ideas.
As I write this morning, I realised there are not many things left on my old bucket list that I have not already done. I feel amazed and excited at myself. I've been so focused on 'being in the moment' that I had not really stepped back from it. I've married the love of my life; I have amazing children and grandchildren; I serve my God with every breath; I had the job of my dreams for a whole decade; I've travelled so much of this great land; I've owned my own home three times; I've got postnominals after my name; I've written a book and had it published; I've sung in front of crowds; I've loved, lost and died more than once. I've been in the news; given birth; rebirthed myself repeatedly; danced; played; prayed and done a thousand things that many people would be too afraid to do. I know who I am now and I love me. My Soul is at peace and my ego is becoming more accepting of being no-thing. Now that I've got 25 things on my bucket list for me and gone blank, I'm going to sit and think of 25 ways I'd like to save humanity and put that on my bucket list too.
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