Temperatures are climbing fast in this part of the world this week (Eastern Australia) with a peak of around 42C expected on Thursday and Friday.  As always, I'm using this heat 'wave' to cast my attention internally, to use the fire of nature to burn up any possible detritus I no longer need to carry.  I'm enjoying the awareness of alchemising the end of year within and how much opportunity getting rid of old stuff creates for receiving new.  Into this end-of-year fire I walk, allowing all remnants of blame, shame, regret, misunderstanding, reaction, shrinking, unhelpful judgments I've made, assumptions, blindness, fear, trepidation, blindness, expectation, and more to slough off me and out of me.  This week signifies preparation for the beginning of a brand new year and I am cleansing, nesting, opening myself up to the joy of goodbye in readiness for the sweeter joys of hello.  

I awoke this morning even earlier than usual with the reflection of life fresh in my minds eye.  As I wiped the sleep from my eyes at 3.25am, bidding my soul self and my inner child 'good morning beautiful', I saw more people from my past and more situations that had not been entirely what they had appeared to be at the time.  With love I thanked them all, even those that had been painful at the time.  As days go by I am finding it easier in each moment to just accept that every experience was one of Love and that only my egos fear stood in the way of my seeing that before.  Old judgments and assumption now float calmly to the surface of my inner ocean without my prompting and just like ocean foam; they peak, splay, dissolve and merge back to Source within me - all in a matter of moments.  I no longer need to hold on to any of it.  I no longer need to search through it, question it, grab at it, or even barely notice it.  I simply trust that it's arising to be loved and released and allow the process to occur without so much controlling from me.  I recognise that although I let go of the old overt, ultra-controlling tendencies I had in the past, there are still covert and interesting ways that I exert control, particularly over my own self.  While self control is vital for maturity and responsibility, there are limits too and I crossed a lot of them at times, practically swaddling my inner self, constricting in unhealthy ways.

Learning how to re-parent myself is not as simple as it may seem.  I've taken to it with the same fervour I took to having my children.  That love I have for my kids has really brought re-parenting myself home to me in glorious ways and taught me so much.  So many different ways to parent and yet it is the intuition that can parent the most effectively and successfully.  Research adds knowledge to the mix for a balanced and informed parenting style that can stand the tests of time.  Again I find myself amazed and grateful at just how much joy, love and learning my children have brought to me in this lifetime.  Now I can add my Inner Child to that list of people who have brought me gratitude, joy and learning.  Now I can count my Self amongst my greatest blessings because I've found a way within to see everything and everyone as actual blessings.  Interesting to me is that after years of wondering why I felt unable to forgive one perpetrator of sexual assault in particular for many years, I now find myself not only having forgiven but grateful.  I'm not grateful to have been abused or assaulted and I pray Life finds a new way for soul growth in this world.  I'm grateful for what my Soul has gleaned from what happened and I'm grateful that forgiveness exists so that I could find it.  In finding any gratitude for such a horrible experience, thousands of other formerly painful experiences have risen up within me to vapourise into the bliss of no-thing-ness.  To take their place as foam atop the waves for their moment too.

I've learned that none of it matters anymore and that I've learned everything I possibly could from it all so there is no further need of keeping it.  I've also learned that I kept it for as long as I needed to keep it so I have no reason to judge myself for keeping it so long either.  Had I not done things exactly as I have throughout my life, I would have had a different experience and, while it may have been a real positive to do it differently, my Soul sees the experiences I've already had as real positives so que sera sera.  Let it go.  Let it go.  This week I let it all go.  While many are bemoaning 2016 for all of the struggle, loss, grief, heartache, stress, pain and turmoil it brought, I am eternally grateful to this year for the blessings of closure it has torn away from me to break my heart so completely that only love can dwell here now.    Yes it hurt, yes I bled, yes I struggled and yes I have thought I was stark raving mad at times.  I feel so much peace because of it now though that I wouldn't change a moment of it.  My Soul has come home and home is where my heart is, shiny and new, clean and polished.  Like a beautifully crafted diamond sourced from the deepest coal in the darkest regions, every facet is flawlessly unique and spectacular in its own way.  The diamond could not be as stunning if any facet were different in any way.  As this year ends in a blaze of glory, I embrace the heat to give that final polish to the diamond that is me and I look forward to seeing what the beautiful new year ahead will bring.  With grace I know I will thrive and prosper and I have all that I need within me always.  My mirror is no longer broken and I see clearly the reflections of my life.  Time now to embrace and become the mirror.  Namaste.

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