In my 'sleep' I mastered the art of beating up on myself, judging myself, hating myself and stifling the very Light of who I was. The inner Critic, critical parent, shadow self, wounded child, adapted rebel child and rescuing disempowering parent parts of my ego/psyche had carte blanche in my mind to behave as they wanted because I was completely unaware of the existence of any such thing and, I believed I was completely powerless to change it. I simply believed I was crazy and I had no concept of how hardship or trauma could in any way be positive, useful or a blessing to anyone, especially to me. A couple of amazing lovelies have reminded me today of how precious it can be to start waking up to life and how much having a guide can help in that, someone real enough to share their journey to love. There are many people in the world who think like I used to and do not want to change it, or do not know how to change it and may never choose to learn and I applaud the path they are on and their conviction in following their own path. Mastering what I did has been the catalyst for my pendulum to be able to swing across to the opposite side of that criticism so that I could, using my own analogy, create my own 'goal posts' for myself. Once I set my posts in, I then have an area to kick my 'ball' into that I can use as a guide. For me now, I have self hatred as one post and self love as the other. I can 'kick my ball' towards those two posts and know that I'm roughly within the boundaries of where I want to be. Like the AFL football in Victoria that I grew up following, I have a couple of surrounding posts on either side of these which allow me to excuse any wide kicks as okay and adding to my 'score'. Every now and then I will also kick outside the line and get penalised but I can come back into the centre and kick off again. With practice, I can get better at it all and one day, if I choose to, I can master the game of me. Mastery though is not about reaching some goal of perfection, for me it's about being real and authentic, accepting who I am and loving myself as that.
What I've really learned is that practice is the key. Practice is what creates mastery. Although I once found it easy to view life as a string of abuses, challenges, accidents, miseries, traumas, sufferings, stuff ups, mistakes, agonies and tortures, I now see it all as practice. Each of those things separately and combined was an opportunity for me to practice being me and sometimes it felt good while other times it didn't. Ultimately though, each one was still just practice. I learned really helpful things and forgot them, repeatedly - practice; I made the same mistakes a thousand times - practice; I tried hard and thought I got nowhere - practice; I saw others make mistakes and judged them for it - their practice; I hit brick wall after brick wall - practice.
We do have a choice in any given moment to change our perceptions if we want to. That choice only becomes available through awareness, if I'm not aware of something why or how would I change it anyway? When we become aware of how critical we are, we can choose to change it, I know I did. Imagine how someone you love would react if you spoke to them the way you criticise yourself! Picture a beloved child, grandchild, niece, nephew, or student of yours at a young age being spoken to with that tone, those words, that look and imagine how they would slump in dejection or retaliate in rebellion; how they would squash down who they are in order to escape your criticism. Now imagine taking it back or apologising; saying sorry and changing it to something more positive, affirming and less judgmental. Imagine telling them how proud you are of them for practising their mastery in such a creative and unique way and imagine you are meaning what you say. I practice this and I love the joy in my heart as I do.
I invite you now to think of one thing that you have criticised yourself for lately and to lovingly remind yourself that you were just practising. Make a choice today to change your criticisms into supporting and empowering self love and set your goal posts today. If you'd like to share how it goes in the comments below, you might even inspire someone else to practice their mastery too.
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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ
lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu
Image downloaded from: http://www.bardfield.com.au/sporting-equipment/football/ accessed 8/12/16 10:30am
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