I do believe we each have our own travel pass for the highway of life.  I came to believe about 12 years ago that my Inner Child was my travel pass, my highway and my Light.  While there are many perspectives and interpretations of what the Inner Child is, for me it is the Divine spark of my own Soul essence.  This tiny, miraculous being is my own child and the love that I have for that is exquisite and profound.  I have plunged into the icy cold waters of my glacial self and the blistering flames of volcanic lava that swell within my own psyche to now cradle this golden infant at my bosom and hold it near me to the safety of my heart.  I have met, challenged, accepted, and learned to love dozen of facets of my own being in order to fulfill my parental oath to myself of doing whatever it takes to protect and nurture my child within.  I discovered for myself that all of those aspects of me only existed in the first place to keep my inner child safe, from the world and from me, as my former self was once far too harsh, punitive, demanding and critical to trust with such a precious and impressionable charge.  

Until 12 years ago I had never heard of the Inner Child.  When I did first hear of it, I didn't understand what it was, what the concept meant, or if I had one myself.  The first time I was able to wrap my mind around the concept was with a great counsellor who explained it to be me as a child.  With 35 years of trauma and abuse memories filling each breath, I struggled to even want to think of myself as a child.  It turned out to be my particular travel pass though.  For the next 2 years I spent time reconnecting to the memory of myself, of who I thought I was and who I remembered myself to be as a child.  The safest and most comfortable child self I could recall then was me at about 9 and was the image of abject misery.  Although I judged that image quite harshly for a long time for the tragedy she/I had survived, something about her also tugged at my heart as it would for any other child who had suffered so much heartbreak and heartache.  I wanted desperately to hug and comfort this child and yet I had no idea how.  Each day I spent time learning how and after two years I had a profound breakthrough when suddenly this amazing child greeted me with a giant hug and the connection I felt in that moment was electric.  In that one moment, I swore I would spend my life loving that child no matter what it took, no matter what it cost me.

Over the next few years I discovered more than one facade for that child within and as each aspect of myself became recognisable as energy to me, each also insisted on its own name; each had its own likes and dislikes and it's own emotion to accept, release and surrender.  Five years on I had an inner 'family' of around 45 distinctly different 'flavours' of myself within that I learned to call on in my everyday life for different tasks, abilities, feelings and support.  As this unfolded in its own time, old energy that had been trapped within me, arose to be released and miraculous healing occurred within my mind, body and spirit.  Even debilitating disabilities that I'd been told were permanent healed themselves.  I learned to always, always ask inside for answers to any question I had and the answers were always perfect for me.  It was a reconnection to my highest power that began all this and so I clung to that - my own perception of God, Divine, Love, Light - all the way through this.  My Inner Child was to me, my direct line to God and the most Divine part of my being.  I thrived and healed and learned to love and serve in ways I'd never before considered and, I devoted all of my energy to serving humanity from this place of complete surrender to love.  Life opened up for me in incredible, exciting and beautiful ways and I found my 'calling'.  Like Benjamin Button, I traversed the highway of my own existence, going back beyond my own judgments to the core of my own being, back beyond my ego, beyond my beliefs, beyond my mind to my heart.  I went beyond all I knew and found no-thing-ness, peace, unity, bliss, love, light and darkness too.  I embraced it all and found that I could breathe it all in and breathe it all out again as life itself.  I held tight to God as all manner of trauma surfaced for its own turn, in its own time and my faith increased with each moment until I became as a mountain.  I manifested every desire and gave of myself more fully and openly than ever but.......

As above, so below.  I have now had the distinct honour of consciously rebirthing myself into life.  The fragments of my Self that once so marvellously guarded the temple of my Soul have integrated back into the cells of my being and are no longer separated in any way from who I am in any moment.  Life feels more potent and sublime than ever before and the majesty of it, the miracle of it sometimes brings me to tears of overflowing joy.  Emotions mostly move through me as water should flow within although every now and then I catch myself holding my breath again as the water dams up slightly through habit.  Once spotted though, it's a quick plunge in and back to the surface for me.  I love to plumb my own depths and acquaint with the elements of my beingness.  That tiny bundle of joy that lives within the very heart of me has transformed my life and my Self.  I live to love and I love to live.  I've learned that whatever I need, I already have and it's only ever my own perception that needs to change.  I've learned that anything I need to know or am unsure of, my Inner Child knows the answer to and I only need ask for the answer to be given.

For so long I parented with judgment and at times I still do.  I even caught myself yesterday with the unconscious program of believing I don't 'do' enough to 'be' a responsible adult.  My Inner Child felt angry and sad that with  all the energy I have put into healing, I was secretly criticising because it doesn't overtly and singularly pay the bills.  As I recognised, accepted and thanked myself for my sacrifices over time in order to awaken and heal, I was shown all the ways I 'work' really hard and I felt shame and remorse at my critical judgments.  Some Ho'oponopono and a light sweep, as I breathed in a mantra of loving affirmation, brought me back to reality once more and I reflected instead on all the ways I 'work' in life.  I was then astounded to see clearly what I had been judging and threw it out after thanking it for its lessons.  It is those flakes of shale that have protected and shrouded my heart for so long that I'm now chipping away at again.  More like a crystalline veil encasing my heart, this now almost ethereal mass is dissolving within me to expose the truth of who I am and it's not something that happens overnight, although to my Soul it is.  This life is too short for recriminations and fear.  

Today I'm off to 'work' to pick seeds and grasses in the blazing hot sun.  I accept that I need to be more mindful of my mind and body as I toil in the heat and, as my spirit soars in the natural splendour of the earth I will be tending.  I do not have a full time job right now but I earn my 'keep' and I now forgive myself for ever believing I was lazy or irresponsible because I have never been either of those things.  To my Inner Child, let's go sing to the trees and grasses my love as we give the grass a gentle haircut with scissors and help it to grow even more beautiful than before.  Let's glory in the gift of being able to provide for ourselves fro loving the earth.  Let's free the mind from the daily drudgery of separation and become one with all.  Let's eat healthy, play, integrate the experiences as they occur and love with all my heart before this moment passes by too.  As within so without.

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