I signed up for a Jewish email service last week to further embrace cultures other than my own and was rewarded with a  pearl of wisdom in the very first email.  I read about how the honouring of parents comes not from the details of whether the job they did as parents was good enough or not.  Rather, parents deserve honouring simply for choosing to be the vessels of entry into this life for their children.  I have not quoted this but am merely sharing my perspective of the email.  It had a big impact on me and I reflected on it for a while, allowing myself to observe the thoughts that arose as I sat pondering.  I long ago gave up the blame I used to heap upon my parents for what I used to perceive as abuse.  I know and accept they each did the very best they could at the time with what they had.  My parents were children when I was born - just 17 & 20 years of age.  I mean no offence to those of you in this age group, we are all physiologically not fully developed at these ages and mostly ill-equipped to be parents.  The part of the brain that is needed for parenting - the pre-frontal cortex, is not fully developed until much later and babies need this working in their parents for their own cortex to develop.  At the ages my parents were when I and my younger siblings were all born, the brains in both my parents did not have the full range yet of impulse control, problem solving, emotional regulation, empathy, etc, that comes with maturation of the cortex.  Essentially, they were parenting me through their own inner children.  Children raising children.

As I sat pondering this again last week, I realised that from the point of view of my Eternal Self, these two amazing people made a choice to bring Life into this world.  No matter what reason they chose to do that, it was still a choice.  Their Eternal Self chose to provide an opportunity for Life to create itself within them and thus I had a vehicle to occupy as I chose Life myself.  Without these two brave people, I may not have ever drawn breath.  Without these two determined individuals, I may never have discovered who I am myself.  With all of the faults I once perceived they had, even I cannot avoid the truth anymore: that my parents were incredible teachers for me, and still are.  They have taught me more than any other people have or will about love, courage, responsibility, empathy, compassion, resilience, humility, discernment and more.  Granted, their methodology may have been tragic but I own that I have learned thoroughly by it so perhaps the delivery of it is a moot point now anyway?

What I'm sure of today is that I breathe because two people once created the space for that to happen.  Two people went through their own hell just so I could be born into this world, grow up, learn, and have a chance at Life.  They did the best they knew how in each moment and they do deserve honouring for that.  Whatever abuses I encountered are now fading through true healing and through my own maturity.  Life today has a whole new feel for me as I allow the old pains to fall away and reveal the gold and diamonds beneath the coal.  Life is so much more than I ever perceived it to be and this moment is the most amazing gift I could ever imagine receiving.  I hope you all find the gift in your present moment too.  Today I honour my parents for my breath and for my chance to breathe Life into my being at all.  Thank you mother, thank you father.  Namaste.

RememberingUnity

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lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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