Life is a dream for the soul and in every moment we have a choice to wake up or stay asleep.  It's our choice and both options carry their own joys and pains.  I can slumber into eternity as a child and tell myself I'm okay coz none of it is my fault.  I can make whichever choice I choose to make and I can enjoy it or complain about it, that's my choice too.  Free will is a choice, a string of choices, responsibility, response-ability.

In choosing to stay asleep, I can allow myself to believe that I am powerless, not responsible for any of the things happening in my life.  I can blame others for how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, my own behaviours, my experiences, my reactions.  I can tell myself that sleeping is much better than waking up and I can keep tossing and turning through life, buffeted by its calls to wake up for as many lifetimes as I choose to.  My soul set alarms for me a very long time ago and I can choose the snooze button as often as I like, for as long as I like.  We really do have that much choice.

I myself made the choice many times during this life to stay asleep.  I thought life was a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.  Sometimes I despaired, sometimes I cherished it, most times I told myself it wasn't happening and it wasn't my fault.  I blamed everyone around me for disturbing my slumber and barked at anyone who dared to try and wake me up.  That's what it's like when we choose to keep sleeping.  Now that I've chosen to wake up, the sun is a little bright in my newly opened eyes.  There's still a tiny bit of cognitive dissonance (aka ego) trying to persuade me to go back to sleep.  Each day presents hundreds of new opportunities to choose and I choose love, life, freedom, awareness and mindfulness.  I know the power and responsibility of choices and I'm prepared to own mine.  I don't need to blame anyone else for my choices anymore.  If I choose to think a certain way, it's my choice, nobody else makes me think!  If I choose to feel a certain way, it's my choice, nobody else makes me feel anything!  If I choose to see things a certain way, it's my choice.  I'm awake, it's my life, my responsibility.  Things that I experienced 4, 10, 25, 48 years ago are not to blame for the choices I am making now because it's always my choice.

I remember how awful it felt for me the first time I started waking up to this, to choice.  I had the most extreme reaction to it because I was convinced I had no choices, no power.  Although I had an over-developed sense of responsibility, it was mis-guided and more rescuing/disempowering of myself and others than healthy, empowering and effective.  I made the choice to wake up anyway and it hurt!  It hurt my eyes, my ears, my gut, my heart, my life, my kids, my family, my marriage, my job, my friends, my bank account and mostly, it hurt my ego.  I almost died many times in the ensuing battle to wake up and choose life.

Now I'm waking up again because when we make the choice to wake up, we simply move into another dream state.  Over and over we move through these states until eventually we are fully awake and that is a long way off for just about everyone on earth.  Wisdom leads us to keep choosing anyway and I've learned that we are all waking up, whether we like it or not.  What we get to choose is how much we enjoy it or how painful it is.  If we enjoy it, we're okay.  If we resist it, pain will remind us we have a choice.  Pain though, is not the bad guy, it's just another alarm that we can choose to wake up to or hit the snooze button on and stay asleep.  Our choice.

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