The upcoming super moon tomorrow (Australia) is such a bringer of joy for me. I don't count the reflections and aha's as they arise, I simply acknowledge, learn and then release the energy it brings and keep going. This moon has upped the tempo somewhat and although I would have once despaired, I'm not that person anymore. My joy is born simply from the fact that I can recognise triggers as treasures, at the time they break through my awareness. Describing the joy of it is almost impossible but for me it's like listening to crickets and frogs performing their nightly orchestral serenade in my garden; It's like waking up to the twittering cacophony of birdsong in the trees; it's like making love with my beloved husband; it's like hugging my children and it's like dancing barefoot in the grass.
I have believed for a long time now that trauma being triggered within me is a gift that heals my brain but this level of healing, joy, gratitude and acceptance that I now experience was unexpected and I'm so glad I hung in there through it all. I'm so glad I persevered and loved myself enough to not give up on me. I'm so glad I chose to trust God in this even though it tore my heart out and broke me in half for a while. I'm so glad I've done all the work I have in order to really find the core of who I am, and I am eternally grateful for my wonderful, patient and understanding husband who never stopped supporting me in a million ways all along. My life today is so different from how it started and now I can finally see how it has all been for my own highest good. It's still sinking in and it's not something I hear or see anywhere outside me, it's my own Inner knowing expanding me in exactly the way I always prayed I could grow.
I once prayed to God to please open my mind, my eyes, my ears and my heart and to never let them close. I remember the first time I prayed for that and much has happened since that at the time, I considered traumatic but not anymore. I repeat that prayer more consciously now - often. I have promised myself that I will never go back to sleep, no matter what. I like being awake to Love, Light and Truth and my perception changes almost every moment now. Surprisingly to me, it's no longer dizzying, nor does it feel chaotic for change to be the dominant factor in each moment. It actually feels normal and natural now, like creation itself is happy to unfold inside me and I'm happy to move with it.
With the moon being the closest to the earth that it has been in 68 years, emotional tides will ebb and flow and this has been like a king tide. Waves of energy make their way to my shores, washing over the gritty beaches within and drawing back again anything too large or too pressing to break over the surface gently. Like a patrolling lifesaver, I keep my keen eye out for any distress signals and only intervene when absolutely necessary. I know now that loving myself is life-saving and I'm finding joy in it. I'm finding joy in just simply being alive and that is the gift I call the 'present' now.
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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ
lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu
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