What?

Did you know that trauma has impacts as unique as we all are?  What may be of no significance to me may be a major trauma for you and vice versa.  There is no way to fully determine what each individual may perceive as traumatic because the brain decides.  Trauma has physiological impacts on the brain and body and in more ways than science currently understands.

After over a decade of healing, I am learning that traumatic experiences, while often debilitating, destructive and disempowering in my eyes, also actually have had very positive effects on me too.  Spiritually, traumatic reactions have raised my level of consciousness.  Each time I was abused over a thirty-five year period, my innocence fell away in terror.  I experienced pain, horror, disbelief, atrocity and unimaginable shock.  I turned within to get through it and although for a long time I hated myself, I still learned to trust myself more on some level too.  I learned to count on myself and no one else which, although maladaptive for a while, created a sense of responsibility and integrity in me that is quite admirable.  I learned to care about the suffering of others as I felt I knew how much they hurt.  I learned to judge myself and others which is leading to discernment as I put the whip of harsh judgment away and see everything as a reflection.  I learned that each time I get triggered into a traumatic reaction my brain is growing new neurons to help me change the pattern.  I learned that beyond forgiveness there is a huge meadow of gratitude waiting for all who dare to seek it out.  I learned that trauma is not the soul-destroying monstrosity I used to suffer but rather is a soul-expanding opportunity to open the heart to an indescribably amazing level.  Most of all I've learned that trauma has a purpose and it's not what I always thought it was.

It still breaks my heart that I and millions of others suffer abuse and trauma.  I pray that it ends soon and we all find a way to stop abusing each other with our thoughts, actions and words.  One of my greatest sadnesses in this life has been seeing how hurtfully we behave when we are hurting.  It's normal and human behaviour but slowly we are changing it.  Once we do, the path will be clearer and we can then put our energy into healing this magnificent earth instead.  We are all different and unique and we are supposed to be.  Each of us has a vital part to play in the stage production called "Life" and every part is important from the chorus line to the lighting crew, from the director to the delivery person, from the cleaner to the ticket buyer.  There is nothing that does not have an important role to play to ensure the whole thing works as it should.  We are the play of "Life" and yet we try to make every part identical, wanting to see ourselves in the lead and have the whole production reflect who we perceive ourselves to be.  When we realise it is actually reflecting back who we really are but don't see ourselves to be, the ego can "die" and allow the soul to pour in.  This is where the miracles live.  I long to see how many miracles we can achieve if we can stop judging and abusing each other long enough to love each other.  I'll be praying for that well beyond my last breath.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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