It takes a community to raise a child and, an Inner Child is no different. I've been getting to know my own Inner Child for about 12 years now and have been supporting others to consider their own relationship with their Inner Child for a decade. Both personally and professionally, this is incredibly rewarding. Having the mother archetype as my main archetype has presented so many joys and challenges and no matter what I press up against in life, my Soul always leads me back to being a mother somehow. With all of the mothering I end up doing, the sweetest aspect of motherhood for me is loving my children and grandchildren. There is not one single day that I don't think of them, my children in particular. It is the image of them that gives me passion to go on when I'm not sure I can. They taught me how to love, the humility borne of unconditional love, how to go on loving even when hope is gone. They taught me how to meditate: sitting in silence and watching them play, laugh, run and sleep. My kids taught me how to let go: giving them up too young because I thought I was destroying us all. They taught me sacrifice: to give them up for their sake and not for mine. They taught me to look beyond myself and look within myself, to open up to the truth of who I really am. They taught me to see the Light and the dark of who I am and to want to wake up. They taught me vulnerability, courage, joy, simplicity, integrity, fairness, wisdom, unity, faith, clarity, devotion and compassion. My kids taught me how to dream, love, hope, despair, attach, surrender, expand, feel, heal, hug, desire, need, want, live, die and repeat. These amazing souls have been my greatest teachers, my gurus for a time. I see the Masters in them and, when I was ready, they gave their blessing for my next teacher to appear. There have been many times I've wanted to give up during the past 12 years but the lessons I learned from these great sages always came to mind at just the right time, whether a word, a feeling, an image, a memory or a song. Something always reached out across time and space to draw me forward, to draw me towards more love.
When I discovered my own Inner Child, I knew I had to pass on all of this love I'd been taught to bear. I knew that it had all been so that I could be that Love for myself too. At first I struggled, I didn't get it at all but, the 'carrot' was that I wanted to feel better so I could be with my kids again. For two years I went to counselling every day and support groups 3x each week because I wanted to be 'good enough' to be around my kids again. I had such a low opinion of myself and judged myself so harshly that I would not let myself be with them, but the desire drew me onwards. Wanting to be with them fuelled my drive to do whatever it took for two whole years. Then I met my Inner Child and I started to see why everything had been going so wrong in my life. My tank was completely empty because I had never filled it and in fact, I'd never known I had a tank to fill in the first place! The ache in my heart at not being able to be with my children and shower them with this huge capacity for love that I knew I had felt overwhelming all the time. Even though I had found another great love, it was not mother love and with the Inner Child, I suddenly found purpose again. I began to see how good I had been at motherhood all along and I'd never been able to see that before. I had always thought I was a terrible mother because I had never been able to see anything good about myself at all in the world. It was as if I knew that I was a pure, loving Soul but hated my 'human' self. There was a separateness of being I did not know about then and it was killing me.
Two years after meeting my Inner Child, I finally made the breakthrough I needed and 'felt' a connection with her (myself). Immediately that energy came alive within me, I saw a gorgeous little girl throw herself at me in front of a university and hug me tightly with all the joy a child shows at uniting with a cherished parent. (Yesterday came the knowledge that I've been at the University of life since then and have just graduated with honours).
I made a vow that day to always be her mother, my mother, no matter what it takes. In the 10 years since then, some incredible things have occurred within me and my life and there were still times when I thought I could not go on, or times when I thought I should have been giving my own children what I was giving to myself and others. I devoted every waking and sleeping moment to re-parenting myself and learning to know and be my real and whole self. I trained to support others in finding their Inner Child and, I felt a purpose unfolding within that lit an eternal flame. I came to know that nothing will ever douse that flame now. Although I judged myself as unworthy of being a mother for a very long time, I tried to become better, to chip away at all of the things I believed had created the 'not good enough'. I came to believe that I could be a good mother but I didn't know how and parenting myself showed me how wrong I'd always been - how wonderful a mother I can be. I learned what my calling is in this life and I set out to be all that. That's when I knew that I had to stop striving for perfection and accept myself as I am. I knew that if I don't start believing in myself, no one else would be able to either. My Inner Child needed me to stop everything and BE.
My chosen path has been to experience all that I once believed I'd missed out on in life. I once blamed others whom I'd felt hurt by for that but I know now that my own fear stopped me and nothing else. There is no blame in me for it, it was all learning and I'm very grateful for it now, all of it. I know I didn't miss out on anything at all, that it was only my perception of it and my judgments around it that told me that. I have recreated every experience to the point that recently I recreated a womb experience too, of being born into this world again as innocence. Through all this, I've learned first hand that we truly all do create our own reality. What we each believe is true for us and not for anyone else. I've learned that every child and Inner Child is precious and perfect. I've learned to love myself and you and to know that life is us and not just me. I've learned that I am the entire Universe and the entire Universe is me. That my soul and human self is one. That you and I are one. That nature, nurture, physical, mineral, plant, animal, the cosmos, and the core of the earth are all one and that my own energy is the creator and destroyer in the universe that I perceive as me. I've learned that I am Love and Light and that I have no desire to be anything else. I've learned that the more I love myself, the easier it is to love you more. I've learned that everything I perceive outside of me is merely a reflection of what I need to see about myself. I've learned that the more I love, the more I see how unLove I've been and I now love that too.
https://www.facebook.com/RememberingUnity/posts/1057027281039972:0
I see you and I see myself and, no matter what, I love what I see.
RememberingUnity
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lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu
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