When I was 14 I was set the task, by my English teacher, to create a poem. I panicked because I had no idea what a poem even was. I was so busy in the future thinking of ways to stay alive when I got home that I didn't hear anything much that any of my teachers said at all. In my panic, I went to the school library to search for poems. I had thought that if I could just see a poem I would be able to work out what I needed to do. That belief has guided me faithfully ever since I might add.
As I flipped through page after page I became more anxious. Although there were many poems there, none of them 'spoke' to my soul that day. Some just confused me, others I dismissed in judgment. Still others I just tossed away without reflection. I felt this certainty inside that whatever I was trying to find would somehow be there and jump out at me and I still use that guidance faithfully to this day too. Suddenly there it was (see photo)
I sat and repeated it many times both silently and out loud trying to grasp the depth and meaning of it. Although I didn't immediately understand the message it carried, I did feel that there was something incredibly significant in the words laying before me so I wrote it down. Later, I felt drawn to write it out again in my best writing on a small slip of paper and put it somewhere safe.
It was almost 2 years later that the real significance became clear to me. I almost died and I lost my best friend, her soul left her body in my lap and I just couldn't bear to let her go. Even though she visited me in a dream to tell me she was okay, I wanted desperately to hold onto her. I'd never felt important to anyone but her and I just wanted her back. One day I came across my little slip of paper and, reading those words out loud again melted the stone that was now covering the entrance to my heart. I wept for hours that day as I told myself that my beloved friend could not rest in peace while my own tortured mind held her so tightly here. I loved her so very much and I couldn't bear the thought that I may be responsible for keeping her from her Souls bliss. I don't know if it's even possible but at 16 I believed it was and so I let her go. As I did my heart broke open and began the painfully blissful process of healing. I also began to feel my friend inside my heart again, just as I had during her life.
That was over 30 years ago and I still carry that little poem in my heart and mind. Since then I've come to accept that for me, life is about learning to let go. It's about attaching and then unattaching, loving so much that the happiness of those I love comes first, that their happiness matters more to me than my ow, even beyond death. I now recognise that when those I love are happy, I feel at peace and not in an enmeshed, unhealthy way. I'm very sure that no one else is responsible for my happiness, I'm not responsible for theirs and, I'm not unhappy if they are unhappy. I am however, willing to let go if it is the wish of those I love. I'm not begging, pleading, imposing, coercing, manipulating or blaming. I just want to surrender and let go.
It's not always easy to do and sometimes I forget at first but once I remember this little poem, it's happening and we're all free to soar again. Today I am releasing this loving memory into the collective unconscious with full faith that it will travel across existence and be the guidance that my 14 year old self received that day and each of the other times I needed it 💛💛💛 #love #innerchild #soul #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression
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