I hesitated at first because I know it is me that has been calling out to her across time to keep going, guiding her in her quest for a pain free life. I realise though that she really is on a heroes journey and of she doesn't do that, I will not be who I am now. I sent gratitude, forgiveness and love to her as I slowly backed away and cut the etheric ties. I felt sad but ready and confident all is okay now.
After that I was hit with the sudden realization that I although I have worked really hard to heal cluster headaches and had got to a place where I had been able to accept them as they are and thank them for teaching me resilience and persistence, how they have helped me become stronger than I ever imagined I could be, I have never considered them to be a blessing until today. I feel stunned even writing this because I hated and feared cluster headaches for so long and if anyone had told me that this would happen one day I probably would have said something really nasty back. I hated the headaches and I hated myself for having them. What I realised today is that is was the self hatred that caused the cluster headaches in the first place. Those headaches treated me the way I actually believed I deserved to be treated. This cluster headaches also taught me humility, emotional mastery, transcendence, to control my mind, faith, to teach by example, discernment, to recognise pearls of wisdom and grace, to flow around obstacles, love the unlovable, multi dimensional non-linear reality, service and that there are many paths and levels of truth. It's actually those clusters that have opened my heart to the capacity I have been able to. I don't even know if I would be able to love as much as I do now if I had not had cluster headaches torturing me for 6 months of every year from the age of 16-44.
Three years ago I realised that I needed to make peace with those clusters, that they were a part of who I am and as such, deserved unconditional love too and I struggled. They brought so much agony and I wanted to die so many times back then but at 44 I was choosing to find any way I could to love them so, I separated from them and saw them as beings in their own right. This meant I could detach and ponder solutions without the old terror engaging. I haven't had one since!! I have now been pain free since October 2013 and I feel ecstatic about that. I've had the odd 'shadow' here and there but nothing came of it once I employed the technique I know have developed for myself - self love.
Today I was able to totally accept that those clusters were trying to help me learn to rest for the sake of my survival. I was such a self hating automaton that I flogged myself to the ground all the time, on every level, and then kept flogging. Those clusters have been the only thing in this life that could ever crush me. The sad reality is that I needed them and without them I would probably already be dead or in a wheelchair for life because of how hard I pushed myself. Today I not only forgive cluster headaches and myself for all that lap, today I see the blessing they brought and I am grateful for it.
At+Onement
#clusterheadaches #love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibtation #spiritualhealing
No comments:
Post a Comment