Me with my new baby photos.  I've only had blurry, grainy baby pics of myself before and I realised this morning as I looked at the gorgeous baby here that I would have hated her too once.  I was not ready to clearly see baby me because I could not possibly have seen anything beautiful or worthy.  I'm ready now and every time I look at these pictures, I am filled with the most intense love, awe and gratitude.  Sometimes I even cry and wonder how on earth I could ever have hated something so amazing.  No wonder my life has been so shitty so often, it was just reflecting the darkness of my own thoughts and feelings about my self.  

Last night I went to a 5 Rhythms class.  I've wanted to go for ages but have had no money and been too afraid anyway that I might hurt myself more or that I would be judged.  Last night I dearly wanted to join my friends there and give myself permission to love and trust my body again.  I stopped allowing my body to move freely when I was 16.  I was in a horrible, fatal car accident and afterwards, I suffered extreme pain.  I hated my body for torturing me that way so I learned to torture my body and I did not even know I was doing that.  Last night I remembered, after three decades, how good it feels to love my body enough to move it.  I learned that I can trust myself to stay present; I can be responsible for grounding myself first; it was okay to be in my head so much for so long because my body needed me to be so it had time to prepare for now.  Last night I had fun and I opened up with people who were not afraid of how big my energy is, it helped them feel free too.  Last night I set myself free to be.

Today I am crying every 1/2 hour and it's fabulous because no matter what feelings bring the tears, I am observing them all, loving them all, and allowing them to just pass through me like the energy they really are.

What a terrific breakthrough and I'm so grateful to little baby me for bringing my Soul into my being so bloody brilliantly.