Cluster Headaches have been part of my life since about 6 weeks after I almost died in a car crash just weeks before my 16th birthday.  I have learned the most incredible things about life, love, pain, resilience, determination, my mind, my body and my Self from that experience and those Cluster Headaches. 

For decades now I hated and despised myself and Clusters and used them as a reason to stay small, powerless and afraid to really live.  Even when applying for jobs I allowed terror of Clusters to stop me from even trying to think about success.  I felt tortured, powerless, angry and terrified of them and really really hated my body and myself deep down for 'allowing' and 'creating' that kind of torture for me.

A couple of years ago, I realised that Cluster Headaches are now part of who I am.  They've been so insistent, so prevalent and pervasive that they have become just another part of my psyche, of who I believed myself to be and, I had believed all that time that I was supposed to suffer to be worthy of life and what life has to offer.

I don't know where that belief came from but today I'm sending it back. It's bullshit!  I did learn to love the clusters as part of me and I finally found natural and healthy relief that worked for me. I cannot tell anyone else what will work for them and I pray that we each find our own amazing way to self love.

Today I have finally, deep in my heart, felt forgiveness and gratitude for all that Cluster Headaches have 'given' to me since 1984.   They have taught me to question science and medicine; to breathe more mindfully; that drugs including alcohol really damage the cells of the brain and body; that doctors cannot be experts about me and I can; that nothing is ever what it looks like; that love overcomes all pain; that my love for my kids and husband was always stronger than my terror of clusters; that even with clusters I am lovable; that I am worthy of self care and love; that being hard on myself hurts; that sometimes karma is instant; that my thoughts can hurt me and my body; that my intuition is always right and much much more.

Over the years I have had very few people believe the pain I was in or the condition I loved with and even other Clusterheads doubted that I experienced Clusters but - I lived it.  I was destroyed repeatedly for 9x every day, up to six months of every year from 1984 - 2014.  That's about 15 full years of torment and suffering and today I let it all go.

I don't need to suffer to learn or to live and I love myself enough now to be gentle, to treat me like I would treat any other precious baby that I love. 

I AM grateful and I AM Love and that makes today a great day for me.  - June Parkin 2016