I still remember the day, about 12 years ago, when I heard for the very first time that feelings are an internal warning system that helps us know when we're okay and when we're not.  It blew me away because I had learned to completely dissociate from my feelings and could not even identify them by then, let alone feel my feelings.  I set out to learn all I could about these mythological creatures who had such power to change my world.  These 'feelings' had exotic names like 'fear', 'joy', 'sadness', 'happiness', 'terror', 'despair' and 'bliss'.  There were so many feelings I was given 2 whole lists to help me identify them all and it took me a few years to do it too.  I was so unaware of feelings that in order to reconnect I had to think my way there by noticing where the energy was in my body.  I was as unaware of my body as I was of my feelings so this took some practice and many counseling sessions to make any progress.  Once I had a dozen or so feelings comfortably in my perception, I made pretty good headway with the rest and soon began to recognise and formally learn about how the undischarged energy of emotions gets trapped in the body and creates dis-ease.  I began looking at my body's aches, pains and ailments quite differently and found amazing healing was happening within my body.  Slowly but surely I stopped needing the medications I had been described for pain and I learned how to acknowledge, accept and even appreciate my body.  I also learned enough to allow me to support others in learning their own way through their maze of feelings.

All of this led me to get to know myself on the deepest and most intimate level I can imagine.  I have now learned to flow with my feelings, allowing the energy to pass through unhindered.  Of course I'm not perfect, I don't want to be, I simply want to enjoy more of life than I used to and, once upon a time my world felt always grey.  Now I feel rainbows everywhere, inside and out.  It's glorious to feel so alive and I love the shades and nuances that feelings bring.  No two feelings are the same nor does each feeling feel entirely the same every time I feel it.  

I found rage, bliss and powerless terror the scariest feelings because they are primal, visceral and need to be surrendered to completely in order for true equilibrium to be restored to the body mind and spirit.  Fortunately, because I learned how to care about myself along the way and trust myself to know what I need, I was prepared for these feelings by the time I arrived at them and was able to navigate through them in relative safety.

I have now learned that it was in fact these 3 very powerful feelings emerging within me that started my whole journey in the first place. They rose up within me 12 years ago and I could not cope with them at all and almost died trying.  Not this time, this time I was ready, willing and able to use them to propel me to the next level of healing and who knows what that will bring?  

Now that I know that my feelings are my Souls way of telling me when I'm in tune with my Self and when I'm not, and that my feelings are created by the thoughts I'm choosing to have, I can  now train my brain to support me in feeling good.  That new and exciting journey will be a whole other post.

Onwards and upwards

Jhundi P💜💜💜