I've made no secret of the fact that I have been extremely judgmental throughout my life.  Growing up, I believed I was 'above' that sort of thing and I preached at my family about their judgments. I went to church for about a year and this made me even more sure of how much everyone else judged and how little I did.  Boy was I wrong!

At 35 I became very painfully aware of just how judgmental I had always been and I was mortified.  I couldn't believe how unaware and wrong I had been and I determined to change that in myself, whatever it takes.

I've come a long way since then and although I still struggle with judgment, I am not like I used to be.  I've spent the past 12 years training my brain and, more importantly, learning to love and accept myself as I am. I've come to learn also that any judgment I have of others is simply a need to acknowledge and love that quality in myself.  I know and believe that if there is even one cell of my being that I refuse to love then that cell will remain in darkness for me and I will keep drawing people and experiences to me that reflect it in my life.  I've also learned that the more I avoid it, the bigger it gets.  I've survived a lot of wrecking balls in my life and I'm now aiming to look faster, take the 'feathers' and make the changes to avoid the wrecking balls.  I'm not so much afraid of those wrecking balls as I am keen to provide myself with gentler experiences.  The wrecking balls have been great teachers and have propelled me towards a more loving heart-mind connection.  I have just finally reached a place where I care enough about myself to take it easier on myself.  

For decades I was my own worst critic and I drew much criticism and even abuse to wake me up but I wasn't ready.  Like sleeping beauty, I lay in lifeless ignorance of the need for self love and waited for loves first kiss to bring me to life never realising that my 'prince' was my Self too.  That the love I so desperately needed had to come from within, from me.  

Now I can love me.  I'm still working on judgments and still learning to truly appreciate the majesty of who I truly am, as I suspect we all are.  I've learned to love me unconditionally though, like I love my children, my husband, my friends and really, everybody else.  No matter how anyone behaves, I don't stop loving them, it's not in my nature.  Sure I might feel angry, hurt, sad or whatever but I still love and, now I can even try to have compassion for anyone I feel hurt by.  I have compassion now for all beings and that's only possible through self love.

I choose today to love and accept myself exactly as I am right now and afford the same love to all other things in existence and I feel grateful for every moment, experience, person and thing that has helped me and is helping me to grow even more loving.

June Parkin