Yesterday I had a huge realisation which had me feeling stunned, sad, relieved, reflective, and #grateful all at once. I went to visit my sister and as I drove I marvelled at how meditative I find driving. I also began to really feel the sadness in my #heart of how much I miss my sister when I don't see her for a while. As I allowed the energy of sadness to move through my heart (without fighting it or pushing it down in any way), I became aware of something else. I've been reflecting this past week on my past struggle to #connect with people. I feel so much #love for the people that I know and always have but I don't see myself as being able to connect very well. It came to me yesterday that there has been an unconscious belief that I need to have a reason to expect other people to want me around. My jaw dropped when that little pearl appeared.
Although my mind wanted to fly through potential reasons, I firstly pulled over in my sisters drive, turned off the motor and sat feeling the numbness disintegrate. Sadness and shock arose gently within my chest and I went straight into #Ho'oponopono to myself. I wanted then to run inside and apologise to my sister for ever thinking I needed a reason for her to want to see me, but I sat a moment longer and once the feelings had passed, I allowed my mind to have its moment too. Rather than looking at reasons why like it usually does, my mind sat still in #empathy for my heart and showed me images of the people I have missed terribly but chosen not to 'bother' with my presence. More Ho'oponopono for them and for me, great thanks to my heart and mind and, as all of this happened within moments, alighting from the car peacefully to knock on my sisters front door.
I didn't throw myself at her weeping or begging for #forgiveness, I just enjoyed the visit with her. Afterwards, I considered calling a dear #friend to connect but the same thought arose unbidden, "I have no reason to see her so why would she want to see me?" I allowed that as my awareness of this was so fresh, it was okay to just sit with it and went off to treat myself to a $5 chai. Imagine my surprise and delight when that same friend walked into that same place 20 minutes later!! We sat and chatted for a while, both #happy to connect - for no other reason than because we wanted to connect - and I confessed to her. She just heard it and we moved on - no rescuing, no apologies, no #judgment, nothing more than mutual acceptance, understanding and love. We enjoyed each other's company and I showed her a new tool in her phone.
As I left to drive home, another 20 minute #meditation, I allowed my mind to accept this new #awareness into my #consciousness. Even with my adoring husband, my amazing children, my fabulous friends and my loving #family, I have tried to stay small enough to never bother them. It's so controlling really, I mean: I can't choose what will and will not bother someone else and I don't really have the right to choose that for someone else anyway. I still feel a small sadness that I held this in my unconscious for so many decades and it has impacted so heavily on my life. The #energy feels heavy and electric in my chest and shoulders, moving now to release and be free. My #innerchild is dancing in delight at the wonder of it all, my awareness, my love, my acceptance, my lack of criticism at myself, my total disinterest in judging me. As brightly as today's morning sun is appearing across the land around me, so too is it dawning inside.
Breakfast today will consist of the usual connection, #prayer, #gratitude and #blessing. A few extra prayers of gratitude, a good sweep of my Etheric body and some innocent #fun feels in order for today. I might even teach myself how to make a #fairyhouse and connect to my incredible #chakragarden today.
RememberingUnity
fb.me/RememberingUnity
#soul #mindfulness #healing #selflove #inspiration #quote #life #inspiringquotes #followforfollow #ascension #awakening #light #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualhealing #neuroscienceinaction #spirit #photooftheday #positivevibes #thoughts #encouraging #peaceonearth #remembering
No comments:
Post a Comment