Being Beaten

Breathe in

Breathe out. 

Sights,

visions, 

tapes. 

Playing and replaying, mesmerising, 

horrifying. 

Crying silent tears. 

Hating myself. 

Burning shame, 

suffocating guilt, 

self blame. 

Push it down, 

anger! 

Push it down, 

rage!

Push it down, 

don't feel it! 

I'm bad! 

You're bad, 

I'm bad! 

So you're good. 

Shut it off, 

can't think straight, 

please stop. 

Dissociate!

floating,

Dreaming

surreal. 

Touch the chair, 

reality, 

I'm back, 

I'm not there – not anymore.