Evil Being

Evil Being. © June Parkin 2007

Nagging at her like a waspish, worn out mother. Piercing her with insistent agonies. Try as she might, search as she may, she had as yet, not managed to find a lasting panacea for her ills. For over two long decades now she had just danced a macabre pas-de-deux with this cruel villain. She had spent countless nights awakening to his cruel embrace, dreaded the sleep that would see him come calling. Fearing his visits day and night; crying desolate tears and cursing his very existence.  Often she bemoaned her powerlessness in his torturous presence. Although he appeared in any place, at any time, uncaring of who was around, she fought to pretend he was invisible, A dastardly demon of her own creation. She struggled between concealing him and begging others to notice him. She vacillated between isolating and begging to be heard, never quite allowing herself to wait long enough for solace either way. Day after day, night after night he controlled her thoughts and actions. She danced as a puppet on the end of sinewy strings, not quite daring to look at him too closely, lest she see all of his features. Intuitively she knew she would recoil from the truth of him if she ever really saw him. She lost all sense of time, responsibility and decorum when he came to her.  Usually she descended into the bowels of hell and fell prostrate beneath his powerful presence, all the while hating herself for their inability to defeat him.  When he finally gave her respite (usually after weeks of torment), she would shudder and pray, happy to be rid of him again and refusing to think about him just in case her very thoughts could bring him back, and with him, the excruciating craziness that heralded his being. She allowed herself to get on with things - with life and love and courage. He had taken half her life and she detested him. How soul destroying for her when she finally discovered that his cruelty and malice had been her only true respite during those long hard years and that to expel him for good, she would have to accept, embrace and understand him. Validate him. She wished with all of her heart that she might find an easier way but she knew none existed. Had she always known that at some level? Had she invited his attentions all those times? It didn't matter anymore, right now she knew his return was imminent, she knew why he had come back.  She knew how to turn him away, but still she hesitated. How could she believe he was not the worst threat imaginable when she knew, without doubt, that he was. She was far more scared of facing herself and so she let him advance. Her cluster migraine returned once more.

The End