For the past 12 years I have worked very hard to heal from a whole bunch of stuff and I think I've done a pretty good job of that. I came into this year recognising that the next stage of my healing was to really experience infancy. Obviously I can't just become a little newborn baby again. But I can feel the feelings that it wasn't safe to feel back then.  I let the people around me know as best I could so they had a bit of a heads up. I knew that to be able to do this it was going to have to stir up feelings of rage. Rage is what happens when a new born cannot cry out the energy that is ignited inside it when it's distressed. As I know that I was mostly unable to discharge that energy through crying as an infant, It seemed a foregone conclusion that there was going to be rage in there somewhere. I did feel anxious, and even a bit frightened, but I knew that I was ready to love myself enough to get through it. I knew there would be feelings of shame and powerlessness, and I knew that it probably wouldn't be all that easy. Had I known what it would cost me though, I probably wouldn't have done that for myself. I did get a few little indicators of what might be ahead and although frightened at times, I decided to have faith and hold tight. This year cost me a lot but it gave me a lot more. There were a couple of people who really held me tightly through this and allowed me the love and space and time to do what I'm needing to. I'm not the world's best friend but I am  loyal and I will never forget what these people have done for me and that they've been here for me in the small and large ways that they have. Its people like you who give me faith. Its people like you who make me want to be more loving too. I might have far fewer people in my life now but the few who are still with me, I know they love me as I am. I know they don't expect me to be anything but real and I cannot express clearly enough what a huge blessing you are to me. Bless you and thank you from the bottom of my heart. 😘😘😘😘😘😘