still strugglin'

I have been virtually housebound for over a month now and I think I'm finally getting on top of my feelings of isolation and anger.  I have probably been feeling sorry for myself but hey, no one else is gunna feel sorry for me and if I can't empathise with myself in this time, how can i ask anyone else to anyway?  The money situation is still sh*tty and may even get worse before it gets better but I am still able to pay my share of the rent so I have what I need - just.  Just learned from phone co. yesterday that the phone bill was not paid back in May.  Stupid oversight and certainly an accident but now I gotta find 1/2 of that too, before June 29.  Oh well, just need to not spend anything at all between now and then.  I have my sons 21st in a little under a month and my car is still sitting in my driveway - i don't even know what is wrong with it yet coz I can't afford to get it to the mechanic OR for the mechanic to look at it and taxis are costing $12-$22 each time.  I have been using the bus where possible but I get sick every time and spend the whole trip trying not to throw up so that's fun - not.  Won't be leaving the house again now until Wednesday next week so I have a couple of things that need doing and I intend to use this time to get them done.

The thing I miss most right now is hydrotherapy.  I have been going 2 or 3 times a week for about 5 years now and it has helped so much.  I'm not allowed to use gym equipment or go to physiotherapy (specialist said 'never again') and I'm not supposed to walk up or down hills or stairs but the area I live in is nearly all hills so walking is a challenge here too and hurts my knees & back.  I feel like I am whining but all I am trying to convey is how trapped I feel without my car.  I had forgotten how difficult life is when I'm unable to even go out to buy milk.

I've been thinking again about living in the moment aqnd struggling with the concept - yet again - coz I don't see how it's possible when I have to budget money, time and energy well in advance right now.  Oh well, that's what counselling is for, so I'll work through that confusion next Wednesday, bye xoxoxox