Grief

Trauma is subjective.  What might be considered traumatic to one person may be considered entirely differently by everyone else.  That does not mean it's not traumatic.  What it does mean is that there will be grief at some point.  Grief is borne of ego and as I wrote a few weeks ago "ego is not a dirty word".  The Soul has nothing to grieve because it sees everything as learning and therefore sees it neutrally.  The ego creates attachments as it is designed to do for our survival and then, when it has to let go, it resists.  Grief is caused by the ego having to shed some facet of its identity.  

I learned quite a few years ago of this link between grieving and identity loss.  The ego operates such that we create a connection or attachment, we form a relationship with someone or something.  It's natural and necessary to do this for our brain development and growth.  Neuroscience has even proven that without relationship, our brains do not function well and can be harmed by isolation.  We need relationship to thrive, we need touch to activate the chemicals that build brain cells (neurons), and we need interactions to keep the neurons firing.  When we do anything new or differently, our brains make neural pathways, like a road map of neurons.  Each time we repeat this new thing (aka: practice) our 'map' becomes more solid, more defined.  As our brain likes to take the path of least resistance it will at first resist the change but once it's made the change, it then will resist the next change.  This is why practice is important to learning and, why grief can be so devastating.

The ego needs attachment to believe it has an identity, to believe WE have an identity, an "I".  Without attachment, the ego has no anchor, no sense of 'self'.  It needs the attachment to someone or something to help it believe it has form, that it's real.  Over time, with lots of practice this can change but for most of us, we dance this out throughout our lifetime.  We form attachments and then let go, either willingly or not, we do let go.  Grief happens during this letting go and has different impacts for each one of us.  Say we marry and after 30, 40 or 50 years, our spouse leaves us or dies.  There is grief around the loss of losing them but more deeply felt will be the loss of our own identity now they are gone.  We've been part of this 'relationship' for decades and our identity is based on it and based in it.  Now that relationship is gone, our identity is gone with it.  We no longer know who we are because our whole world just changed.  The same thing can happen when our child leaves home or when we leave a long-term job or position in our job; when we move house after years in the same place; when we have to find a new dr, dentist, etc after years of seeing the same one; when we lose a pet or any other relationship change.  

For many of us, we won't understand our grief and neither will those around us but it's very real when it strikes and we need to honour ourselves in it.  I'm grieving the end of a dream right now that I poured myself into for ten years.  That's almost 1/5 of my entire life, all my passion and devotion went into it and I thrived.  Although it ran its natural course, my ego was devastated and resisted letting go at all but with lots of self-love, self-parenting and compassion, I can now let go and move forward to begin a new phase.  What I love most is that this time, I was able to consciously alchemise the grief, stay aware of it, and use it to grow and learn to love more than ever before.  As the grief tore my heart out it gave me the chance to own it, feel it, express it and release it; all of it.  Doing that has changed my whole world view as much as it has changed my definition of who I believe I am.  

What I do, where I live and work, what I've experienced before today - none of that defines who I am anymore.  I'm becoming free of attachments and it's very, very liberating.  I will work now on releasing the last of the thought forms as my body is releasing the decades of trapped energy from the cells of my being.  As these toxins leave on my breath, I thank every experience for the learning that has come with it and release it now with love as I embrace this very moment without definition.  

Breathe in, Breathe out.  

RememberingUnity

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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