Real

This week I'm looking at how much I have previously struggled to maintain close, long term connections.  In my previous role I learned to open my heart fully and unapologetically to everyone I met while maintaining strong, healthy boundaries.  I enjoyed it and grew grew from it immensely as my own heart expanded and blossomed from allowing my feelings to freely flow.  I was able to love each person I met even briefly and I can still feel love for each person I have come into contact with throughout my life, no matter what transpired or how long the meeting lasted.  I was not always able to feel this way and am so glad I can feel it now.  For me, carrying around blame, shame, guilt, anger, hurt and betrayal felt all wrong inside.  It hurt and it made me bitter, hateful and judgmental.  I didn't really like who I was at all.  Now I've been allowing myself to alchemise my past; to revisit old memories as they come up to the surface and find something to love in them.  I've allowed my Soul to lead me this time because my ego tried to stop me before and tell me there were no positives and nothing to love in experiences of abuse, especially from my childhood.  I'm glad I persevered and listened to my Soul instead.  While I have come to appreciate the help my ego gives me in keeping me safe, it doesn't have all the answers either.  Seeing things from a different perspective, that of my Soul self, has opened up a whole new way of being for me that feels much more natural.

Just yesterday some old memory surfaced of how miserable my first husband and I were together for so much of our 16 year relationship.  I once would have blamed our drinking, immaturity, abusive behaviours and circumstances for the pain we both carried.  Yesterday however, I cried with joy and gratitude at how much of a gift I can now see we have been to each other at a Soul level.  I joyfully and tearfully gave tanks for every moment he spent in my life yesterday.   He and I taught each other so much about love and life.  No matter what feelings each of us took away from it, we gave each other the gift of unconditional love by being completely real with each other at all times.  We never were anything other than ourselves together.  Sadly, ourselves then were quite in need of waking up, growing up and of self love but, we were always real.  Just as I had found in my old work role, being real in every moment is the greatest connection we can make.

Being real is not easy for everyone and some people try to be anything other than who they really are but, that's them being real too.  If someone comes across as fake, I can choose to judge them or to love them but I don't have the right to try and change them. Why should anyone change who they are so I feel differently?  If I don't like them, if I deem them unsafe or unfitting for me, I can choose to walk away.  It's not my choice whether or not they change who they are.  It's my choice whether to blame them for 'making' me let go or not.  All they are doing is being real.  I'm the one having a reaction and that belongs only to me.  My reaction can tell me what I need to become aware of within myself if I am able to be real and honest with myself.

In looking at what other people reflect for me, I am having the most amazing transformation inside and life feels spectacular now as more and more detritus from my formerly wounded ego falls away to reveal the multifaceted diamond of my human self - ego+Soul.  Together, these two create a harmonious symphony that beats binaurally in tune with creation itself.  That's the real me, that's who I have always felt gently beating within my chest.  That's real and alive and gratefully me.  

My deepest wish today is that you and I can be unapologetically real and that we can each relax, enjoy and love life as us and allow others the same grace.

ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

RememberingUnity

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lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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