Every day is a miracle to me but it's not always easy to remember that. Life is filled with moments that I have historically seen as testing, difficult, hard, horrible and even traumatic. The more I grow in love, the more I'm realising that only my perception of those things, my own judgments needs to change. Each moment of my life truly is miraculous but because it's only really been in the last year that I've come to appreciate this awareness, I still find myself in moments where I judge life as being mundane or painful. Being someone who once saw life as a punishment and as a nuisance that kept me from the joy of dying, I still find this more positive 'me' intriguing at times. My ego is very happy to remind me that life has not been bliss for very long. Having now crossed the bridge of love and light to meet my Soul self and bring it home through the womb of creation within me, I am on a journey now of integration and acceptance. Birthing my Soul self has made me much more aware of and appreciative of who I have believed myself to be before now. Getting to know, love, trust and accept myself exactly as I am in each moment has been the most liberating, terrifying, astounding, confusing and rewarding thing I've experienced.
There have been days when I was sure I was crazy with fear and confusion I needed to be locked up, my ego panicking over giving up control. There have been days where my body reacted in ways that terrified, irritated and hurt me as the old, long-held and deeply-buried toxicity left my being. There were times when all I could do was rest and pray that I would be okay again one day. There were days when I screamed, raged, sobbed, ached, cried, ran away and hid. During all of those moments I chose to love myself more and not less. It wasn't some easy, uneventful class I attended, I studied mindfully for 12 years to get to this and I'm sure the preceding 35 years were study of their own accord too. Life has been my classroom and I recognise now that I have been a diligent student all along. Those days that tested my endurance and resolve, they were my crucibles, those moments where I got evidence of my own capability, my own ability. Those days are fading to memories and now, when the winds of change blow through my ego and invite my Soul to settle more snugly into my being, my ego bucks and my Soul comforts. The marriage of heaven and earth within me cannot be stopped, postponed, deferred or cancelled now.
This is a phase I'm going through, just another stage of development and it will have its aches, pains, heartaches and lessons just like any other stage of growth. Wonderfully, all phases have the same stages to accept and the first stage is 'symbiosis' which is where I'm at with my Soul and my ego right now. Slowly and patiently I am entering the next stage and that too will bring change which I know I'm more than ready for. Today it's so much easier to turn my thoughts around, stay in 'wise mind' observing my thoughts, and allowing my feelings to rise up, flow through me and restore calm, all in a matter of moments. With my senses finally working to show me the exquisite and majestic beauty of this tapestry called life, everything in my perception is different: the sunsets are incredible, the birds and animals all come within inches of me daily, synchronicities are normal and obvious in my life, love fills my heart to overflowing at the smallest provocation, and old miseries that my ego once refused to forgive are being re-framed now as gifts for my soul to embrace with wisdom and even more love. Perceived abuses and traumas from the past are now becoming springboards for empathy, compassion, wisdom, love, excitement, liberation and contentment.
Bliss is my birthright and I have staked my claim. No, every day is not a bed of roses and I have felt miserably alone and even suicidal at times as the old patterning and conditioning made its way up and out of me but my faith kept me going. My obstinate and stubborn refusal to give up on what I call God is pulling me through with Grace into the Light of who I truly am and as the shadows have made themselves known to me I have loved them, thanked them, forgiven them and let them go. In learning to love every part of what has made me 'me', I can accept now what my ego once could not and let go of the need to be perfectly anything. Now that I can even love ego and not expect it to change, its beginning to work with me too and my Soul-self claps with delight at that. My Inner Child is blissfully happy being an innocent newborn with no expectation of her to grow up or calm down or anything else. She gets to be an infant and I can take care of life while she helps me to feel, have fun and find joy in life. My soul self nurtures and guides me and I get to learn and apply the learning so all round, all parts of me are happy and fulfilled in this moment. Ooh, gotta run, there's another of those 'other' moments I need to go and deal with.
Hope you have a fulfilling day, that's what I'm choosing to have today.
RememberingUnity
fb.me/RememberingUnity
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