I could wax lyrical for days or weeks without pause about how hard my mind has perceived my life to be. My dear throat chakra has done such a stupendously good job of getting me out from under the cloud and I truly appreciate the effort. Through three decades of trauma and abuse, my throat took charge either silencing me when I felt unsafe to utter a sound, singing when I needed to rise up from my pain, speaking out when the situation allowed or, debating perceived injustices. With the weight of a hundred thousand labels stuck tight to my being, I slowly suffocated and surrendered to the ineffable within that promised those labels could dissolve. While I fought and despaired, barely treading the water at all, my throat captained the ship and kept me afloat. A couple of times I hit icebergs and my thyroid cut a gash in the hull but, when I didn't die, I knew I had to move away from the rocks.
Lessons, learning - I see more and more how every, single, delicious moment is a lesson, an opportunity for learning to love more and fear less. I allowed terror to rule my life for so long because I believed I didn't know another way but it's not true. I've always known love was the way for me. Now that I can hear my own Soul, I remember 'knowing' even at the age of five that love was the only answer to every question anyone has. As I gift my throat more ho'oponopono today and allow it to relax more into my being without depending on it to guide every moment, I feel the calmness of 'knowing' again - love really is the answer to every question I have.
Yesterday I struggled to hold onto my newfound serenity. Dozens of old pains surfaced and, as I allowed the grief to wash over me and flow through me, I managed to notice that I wasn't drowning. I was one with the wave this time and, although I still kicked and spluttered a bit, a good friend and a little dog reminded me to keep my heart open. They did not have to do anymore than be themselves and nor did I. I saw with great clarity how the bands of steel I still have around my heart need to come off now. Even with the very real threat of fresh heartache, I'm ready to remove those bands. I came into this life to master my Self, the love of who I truly am and by all that I am, that is what I am doing.
I hope you have a tremendous day like I'm choosing to have.
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