Fear of Lack of Control

I recall a teacher in a course I enrolled in, in 2007 saying that the underlying cause of all disruptive behaviours occurring in clients at community services centres was due to 'fear of lack of control'.  When I first heard it I paused to consider it because I was a service user at the time and although I would not have considered my own behaviour disruptive, I had seen a lot of behaviour that was.  I reflected on the times elsewhere when my own behaviour had been disruptive too so I could look for a personal comparison as I usually do.  Over time then, I held onto this pearl and applied it mentally to many different disruptive behaviours in diverse situations with various people.   I also continued to monitor myself and to question how much of my internal reactions came from this fear of lack of control.  I did find after all that, that the statement is 'plausible' as Mythbusters® would say. 

I know today that as a Soul, I am a powerful being.  My ego would have me believe the reverse is true because the ego only knows fear, blame and negativity.  It's my job to nurture my ego, to reparent myself and bring these two together so that they (I) can integrate and claim my phenomenal power again.  It's up to me as a loving parent, to take responsibility for my own happiness, learning, growth and life and discover what works best for me to achieve this goal without being a 'stage mum' or a 'sports dad' and pushing my ego beyond its own limits of endurance.  The ego needs me to believe I'm powerless so it can keep me small and accommodating.  It knows full well that the Soul has a lot of power and it's terrified of what that means for it.  The ego has no concept of team work or consensus and it resists every overture towards it too.  Because of this fear of lack of control, the ego spends its time indulging in judgments, paranoia, blame, shame, guilt and others if left unchecked.  It's a normal stage of development to do this but we are in fact supposed to grow out if it too.  

The Soul knows nothing of any of these things.  The Soul is excited to learn from it all and needs 'grounding' to be available at all.  As a team it is possible to reflect on this philosophy around fear of lack of control and own when it happens.  I can then choose to change it if I want to, and I always choose yes.  Fear of lack of control brings quite destructive behaviours to the surface.  I have often seen uncontrollable displays of this type in others and they don't create the kind of changes I desire for myself.  I would prefer to grow wiser from changes and my reflection allows that.  I've learned to surrender a lot of controlling behaviours since I first heard about fear of lack of control.  It hasn't been easy but it has been very rewarding.  I particularly like how honest I've had to be with myself to do it.  Control is as much of an illusion as anything else that is not peace and I don't need any more illusions.  Love, truth, self-love and surrender - that's enough for me right now.

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