As I pack up my little tinyhouse in paradise I'm reflecting on how much I've grown in the 2 short years we've been here. This property has felt like my home for ten whole years now and I've had a full process of grieving to navigate through for the past year as well. My Soul felt instantly at home here in 2006 and over time, I came to know all through my being that I was meant to be here, to serve here and to grow here. This place became a passion for me so strong that I grew in ways I had not known that I could grow. I found my faith here and that became so strong that it's now unshakeable. No matter what happens in my life now, I have faith and its complete. It's not about religion or dogma or rules, for me it's about what I know in my heart is true for me. I've been able to acknowledge that here for myself and build on it but I must now move on again, called to grow some more, somewhere else.
Although I was believing I had done myself a disservice through not fully accepting that faith is driving me in all things, that too was part of the growth. Learning and growing is the whole point of life for me and when there is no more room to grow, it's time to go. I've always planted myself, put down roots and stayed a decade, pouring myself into what I'm doing with complete surrender. Sadly, I thought there was something wrong with me for being that way and, I judged myself for it. Not now though. Ten years is a strong commitment and I can admire my dedication now instead. I know with certainty that I gave everything I had to serving here and that is what I can carry in my heart. I feel sad that my ego led me to think I would be missed if I left and the past year has shown me the folly of that delusion. I needed the isolation to grown and to burn off all that I have but being so shunned was quite painful. The most beautiful thing about that was that I learned how to use pain to really, fully heal. I had done a lot of braking before but now I've actually found the blessings that pain brings too and that is astounding to me.
I will miss the people here. I have considered them my tribe, my family, my friends for so long. Even this I only met once here will be in my heart always as my love is that complete. I hope that having not seen most of them for over a year now will help a little.
I will miss my little home and my amazing garden too and the feeling of 'home' that this land has brought but already that feeling is fading. It's time now to seek out new learning, a new way to serve and more ways to let faith lead me to more surrendered joy and peace. This land has a transience that I've seen impacting on people again and again and I never dreamed I would be one of the people to leave. I was drawn to devote my life to this and I did. The me that I once was died here to rise again as the me that I am today. I could never have imagined the blessings I have received here, the miracles I've witnessed, the joy I've found in living, the healing I've found in crying until my mind goes still. I can no longer be who I was before and I no longer want to be.
It was a terrifyingly huge transition and a painful one but now it's done and it's time to fly. It's time to step again into the great unknown, to pull up stumps and traverse the majesty of what will be. It's time to take Love by the hand and leap off the cliff of whatever and know that faith provides the net that catches me in the right place. I served my purpose here and now I will serve a purpose elsewhere. May the wings of faith carry me into eternity and may all beings be happy and free.
RememberingUnity
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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ
lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu
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#weareallinthistogether #om #aum
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