I feel so grateful for patterns. I've had a few people this past week reflecting back the words "I can't" and of course, my ego went into teacher mode in the moment. Old habits have like to die hard and I feel happy with the fact that in those moments some part of my mind did at least register that I needed to listen to myself more. Yesterday another "I can't" came at me and this time as I slipped effortlessly into 'teacher' I saw the reflection as well. Interestingly for me, I took the phrase "I can't" out of my vocabulary many years ago when I discovered it is a phrase that comes from the 'child' state in Transactional Analysis. To be fair to the child in me, I dropped the phrase and took up saying truths like "I don't want to", "I"m not ready", or simply "No". How many ways does my behaviour say "I can't"? When I tell myself "I can't" I am telling myself I'm utterly powerless which takes away my own power. When k tell myself "I cant" I'm saying there is no hope at all. When I tell myself "I cant" I am closing the door and drawing the deadbolts, locking myself into the prison of darkness and unconsciousness. "I can't" is an illusion of my own creation and k have used it as a lie to tell myself for far too long.
Even though I had swept away the phrase of "I can't" a long time ago, I found that early last year, the "I can'ts" crept back in and I worked on them determinedly with great success. This time I've had the big "aha" I need: the words are gone but the beliefs and thought patterns are still there and still often dominant in me. As usually happens, when the "aha" came I was bedazzled by thousands of pieces of the pattern drawing together in alignment. So many moments suddenly made sense to my ego and it sat quietly learning and reflecting. Moments like these are when the real, authentic 'teacher' shines. Ego thinks it needs to teach others but when Soul teaches now, ego sits and listens. There are a million ways I can still tell myself "I can't" and if I was still interested in judging myself I would sit for days and count them all out but.....I'm not going to. Ho'oponopono my love: "I'm sorry, Please forgive me, and Thank you, I love you."
I have carried the crippling disfiguration of my "I can't" beliefs for far too long and today I feel them swarming as energy in my back, desperately trying to release and escape my body. The muscles in my back feel alive with this energy now that I released the enormous sadness earlier in the week. I still feel amazed by how incredible it feels to let go of everything yester-moment and breathe into now. Once one old thing is gone, a new one emerges and, like a production line they just keep coming until there are none left and I'm standing with my heart full and my throat exposed to the sun in joy. Life is a choice for me. There is only one moment at all and its this moment. I have only one choice to make and its this choice. I have only one breath to take and its this breath. I can, I can, I can - and I AM.
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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ
lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu
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