As my life energy moves through my body with more ease now, resistance is futile. So many blockages from a lifetime of unconsciousness. Currently my solar plexus and navel are cleansing and purifying as the blockages there release and let go. Although I'm finding the excessive flatulence quite embarrassing at times, I keep reminding myself that it's all a part of the purification and cleansing of my body. The toxins from yester-moments of excess need to vacate my system and there are many of them, particularly anger, that need to be expelled.
I'm no saint and have never believed I was but for most of my life I held onto anger in a futile attempt to control it, avoid it, or pretend it didn't exist. Now that I can see myself in the universe, I recognise why I drew so many enraged people to me throughout my life - I was enraged but unable to accept, acknowledge, see or embrace that in myself or anyone else. I was afraid of rage and I see now that I used that fear to justify my judging and blaming of myself and others for a very long time. Rather than regret that, I am grateful for the journey through it all that has helped me see the benefits of rage when safely and properly channeled for good.
Throughout this past 18 months I was very aware that to recreate the energy of being reborn into myself as a newborn Soul, I would encounter rage energy within myself. I was able to love myself enough to face that possibility with courage and preparedness. Newborn babies internalise energy that is not cried or kicked out and that repressed energy can and often does emerge in later life as rage for many people. I knew from the physical, emotional and psychological issues I've been living with for most of my life that I was going to uncover rage when I endeavoured to love myself into creation. I felt ready to hold, nurture and embrace my metaphorically unborn self into existence again. Riding the waves of that energy has been intriguing, interesting, phenomenal, magical and excruciating at times as wave after wave of unreleased energy expands, shifts, contracts and releases within me. Masses of emotional baggage, psychological illusions and physical manifestations occurring one after the other while pockets of joy, terror, bliss, despair, happiness, guilt, glee, remorse and mirth all dance through me in wild abandon.
This energy of rage is being used for good within me to burn through the dross and raise the vibration of my existence into a more harmonious state of being. I'm learning to love myself unconditionally on every level and to be myself in each moment. I'm learning how to allow the energy of who I am to flow and how to ride it instead of damming it up unhealthily. It's all a work in progress and there may be no completion date but I'm okay with that now too. It's easier each day to remember my breath and breath centres my energy, my being, me. I can now embrace the pains of the past as the invaluable lessons they were and love the teachers too. I'm finding that the energy it takes to carry unforgiveness around is much better spent on self love. I thought I had found forgiveness a long time ago but it was conditional and now it's not. Now I've been able to see past all of the illusions I had about the pain, the truth has finally set me free and the old cliches have meaning to me. I AM worthy of peace and it is rising within me a little more each day. As it rises, it pushes out any energy of un-peace it finds and I ride the wave as I can. Sometimes I get tossed into the sea of forgetfulness again and other times I ride the wave with ease. Remembering that the ocean is me too is helpful and I am no longer afraid of drowning.
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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ
lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu
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