Have you observed patterns in your life? I have found many times that everything in my life is part of a pattern. When I first began to notice it, I thought I must be imagining it and upon asking, no one else that I knew observed these patterns. I would often have a full day where one person after another would seek out guidance or support from me and, within minutes I would recognise this pattern. What I came to learn and trust over time was that when this happened (aka, every moment of life), to pay attention because this pattern included me too. Each time I noticed it, the person or people coming to me were working through the exact same core issue that I was. Often I was able to connect them up to support each other or, gain healing of my own as I listened to their wisdom of how they were healing themselves. For as long as I remained grounded and heart-centred, I could see this pattern and respond to it and from it with conscious awareness. It was not intelligence that created that ability, it was love and faith.
I was once very confused by faith, afraid of faith and I was actually anti-faith for a long, long time. I did not understand faith at all and I was not ready to open myself up to it in any way, shape or form. I was so unready that I shut everybody else down too. I rejected faith quite thoroughly for decades even though as a small child faith had been blossoming inside me. What I did not know then that I do know now is that faith is not just a set or system of beliefs. Faith is in fact, far more than any belief can ever sustain. Faith is breath, love, life, acceptance, trust, surrender, egoless, soulful, invigorating, passionate, devoted, inexplicable and invaluable. Faith is the reason I'm alive at all and faith is the spring in my step; the joy in my day; the Light in my darkness; the parent to the child within. Faith holds, sustains and guides me throughout the greatest triumphs or tragedies, torments or tribulations, through all glories and delights. Faith brings me miracles that I sometimes miss and those that I cannot miss. I found my faith through rainbows, smiles, thoughts, music, songs, sensations, visions, dreams, trauma, words, animals, movies, my children, my husband, my experiences, my education, my own behaviours and, through the projections and reflections of other people. Faith is everywhere I seek it and everywhere I don't too. Faith is in those patterns I observe and faith is now who I am.
I once rejected faith so wholly that I saw everything as another reason to be fearful. I was hurting, hollow, numb to my feelings, and in agonising pain, I almost died repeatedly through accidents, brutality, and at my own hand and finally came to believe that the only way to survive any of it was to get out. I gave up everything that I once thought identified me as me just to stay alive another day because in my despair, faith called out to me like a tiny spark of hope inside and bade me to come closer. In the blackest of black terrors, I just wanted one spark of hope, and faith was right there offering that spark to me. Although I still fought it for many years, and ran from it for many more, I kept coming back to faith and eventually I surrendered all that I am to its wisdom and love.
The end came again but this time I knew what it was and I knew to hold on tight. I felt tossed and battered and desolate but faith called out to me through the storm and quelled my fear. Crawling through the desert of isolation and abject terror, faith brought me the water of my own tears to cleanse it all from me. Every time I fell, faith reached down and held my hand as I found my way to my feet again. As I took one step and stumbled, faith waited patiently while I redrew my strength and dragged myself back up. When I saw fears that were not real, faith showed me the truth of those fears and led me back into Light. Faith held me as I slept, wept, ate, screamed, drank, dreamed and meditated. Faith was my companion through every moment and, faith rewarded me with miracles too numerous to mention.
I love my God with all my heart, my soul, my being. I know who my God is and I'm learning who I am through faith. Faith and God may be the same thing but right now, faith to me is my part in knowing God at all. I am eternally grateful to all religions for bearing the torch for so long so that I and others, could know that faith exists at all. Regardless of what perceptions I have or have had in the past of religion, it serves a very important purpose in this world and I'm grateful for that service. Today as I love, honour, respect and trust myself exactly as I am right now, I hold the hand of faith and breathe it consciously into my being. In my own way, in my own time, by my own instincts, led by my own soul, through the Grace of God and all creation, my faith will lead me ever forward to be the love I wish to see in the world. I don't doubt it for one second.
I will continue to observe the patterns in my life as I continue my journey of faith and remember that all I am is part of that much larger pattern.
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