My beloved Granddad used to have an amazing #vegetablegarden and I was never able to appreciate why. I did not know then that his garden kept me from starving. I did not understand that his garden was a big part of who he was as a human being. He was a man with a very big #heart and he loved with #passion. He was not perfect and he did do things I'm sure he was not proud of at all, like all of us, he really was human. He loved his garden and he tended it faithfully every day. He grew fruit trees and vegetables and although he could see no real point to growing flowers, he built Nanna a small flower garden and fernery too. He also assisted with the preparation and cooking of jams and preserves using his produce. Many times I sat at the kitchen table with aunts, siblings, grandparents and visitors, preparing vegetables for blanching and freezing or peeling and chopping fruit to make jam. I hated it and never wanted to do it. As a child I could think of other things I'd rather be doing.
When I had my own children, their father grew a huge #vegetable garden and I became grateful for the food it provided but I still would have preferred money to buy produce. I still didn't understand why having a garden might be a big deal. Gardens are dirty and time-consuming, they require effort and commitment and I believed I had enough to do keeping up with my husband, children, house and dog. I didn't want to know about gardening - until I had a nervous breakdown.
I became #suicidal and voluntarily admitted myself to a psyche unit. I was there for 6 days before they convinced me to go home and take care of my children. I was terrified to go home but I didn't know how to say no to anything then. I went home and the next day my Nanna died suddenly. I was beside myself with #grief, literally. I stepped out of myself for the next 7 months and all but refused to take part in my life at all. I vowed that the only thing I would engage in was hugging my kids. I just couldn't live my #life any more. That's when I began gardening. I looked around my beautiful home and saw all the things I had wanted to do and never made time to. I was always so busy working to provide enough money. My husband earned good money but there was never enough and even with my wage, it wasn't working. Between the two of us, we spent $250+ each week on cigarettes and alcohol and I just wanted it to stop. There was a beautiful big garden out the front of our house that I'd always wanted to redo so I got my kids to help me during the school holidays. We pulled out almost every plant, laid weed mat down, planted masses of natives and put wood chip all over the garden. It was a huge task as the garden was the size of most people's whole house block today!!
As we worked, I found #peace. I found a space between thinking and worrying, a space in which to breathe and en-joy life: to be in the joy of life. In the garden, I forgot to judge, to hate, to blame or to fear. I forgot to be who I had conditioned myself to be and was able to be who I really am. We had #fun in that garden and for months after, we all played happily there in the late afternoons when we had nothing else happening. When I left that house, I missed the garden and, living in a car made it impossible to have another garden but I did get work picking native seeds for my dad so I was in Gods garden and I loved it. Not only did it provide me a reason to stay alive, I got enough money to eat and I learned a bit about #nature too, something I had been quite ignorant of until then.
I've got a garden now, a huge, wonderful, colourful, #chakragarden. I have #fruittrees, vegetables, #edibleflowers and #herbs. I have so much fun cooking with my home-grown produce. Walking around my garden each morning to say hello provides gentle exercise; eating the living energy from my plants raises my vibration and opens my heart in #gratitude; communing with the wildlife that visit is good for my soul; getting to know nature is blissful and educational; understanding the #oneness of all is all part of my relationship with my garden; knowing the garden is as temporary as I am is healing too.
I am a healer and so is my garden. This morning I see the first open calendula flower with a tiny, unopened bud by its side. I can learn to make tea with those and use them in salads. My snow peas have dainty little peas on them today, the first ones yet so I feel a stir fry coming on this week. I love to shred these finely and mix them through salads too. There are more and more blooms on the pansies in the Ajna beds which will make delicious and pretty garnishes for my soup with the glorious, peppery nasturtiums I've been eating already.
Loving my #garden has been a huge part of learning to #love myself more. Listening to my body's request to only eat #fresh, plant-based food is paying off with hugely increased physical and #mentalhealth, less pain, more #mobility and more #joy. I never thought that a garden could #healtrauma and #depression but it can and it has for me. I love life, I love who I'm learning to be and I love the blessings that nature is providing. I love that I'm taking the time to notice and be grateful for life now. That's the biggest gift.
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