The abundance I've manifested during the past week has been love. Whenever I specifically ask to attract abundance into my life, love always springs into my mind first. I've known and embraced for years that my purpose in life is to be love and that everything I experience that is not love, is teaching me and shaping me to grown into that being of love I know that I already am. Over time my heart opened to an incredible capacity and I was able to love almost anyone with complete love but I was unaware of a scar that I had in my heart. That scar was blocking me from being my true self and I've been cocooned with that scar for the past year as I'm learning to heal it.
The scar in my heart had formed around blame and in my minds eye, the first time I looked at it in meditation, I saw thousands of little black prickles lodged in my my heart. As I carefully and lovingly swept them out, the tears flowed and sobs wracked my body. Forgiving myself for holding onto the blame and the shaming of others I'd engaged in over time was powerfully healing for me. I'd long held onto the justification that because I'd felt huge pain in my life, particularly from abuse, that it was okay for me to blame and shame those people who'd hurt me whenever I liked. What I had not fully understood though, was what my own thoughts and behaviours were doing to my own soul. Clearing away those black prickles on my heart woke me up, re-birthing my innocent self woke me up, parenting myself with love and nurturing woke me up, fresh trauma woke me up to who I truly am and I'm not all that I once was, I'm so much more.
It's been both tragic and miraculous to journey through the past year as I have learned to love and accept myself exactly as I am right now. Living in the moment has such huge rewards and benefits and there are often some really tough moments too. As each day goes by I'm finding it easier to be positive even in difficulties. My brain is getting the hang of this positive stuff now and is helping me out. I've always loved when I practice enough for my reptilian brain to feel comfortable with things, it helps the whole brain to feel safer. Learning about the physiological brain from people like Louis Cozolino, J. Douglas Bremner, Dan Siegel, Norman Doidge and others, has been such a great help to me. Understanding how the brain reacts and functions, including attachment and transactional analysis has helped me to understand and feel compassion for myself and others. The fabulous book: "Growing Up Again" by Jean Ilsley Clarke and Connie Dawson has been so helpful, like a handbook for raising the Inner Child/me. "Parenting For A Peaceful World" By Robin Grille blew my mind and was so healing, affirming, informative and profound on so many levels. "Waking The Tiger:Healing Trauma" by Peter A Levine is also an amazing tool for me that I hold in the same regard as books by Louise L Hay and Annette Noontil for healing my body. I have now also discovered the "Path of Ease and Grace" series by Shakti Durga which brings it all together for me. Using her books and classes to step fully into my own birthright of joy, love, abundance and peace is supporting me in expanding my heart to the fullest capacity I can imagine it being.
With all of the work I've been doing in my cocoon this past year, it is lovely right now to be coming slowly back out into the love of the world again. Being with loving, gentle people who intuitively radiate peace is so healing too. This past week has brought people to me that I love and admire and that feel the same way about me. Gifts like them are true treasures to my heart. During that week, I physically felt my heart opening wider and spent many moments sitting silently as tears of joy and sadness streamed down my face. I was so grateful in those moments for those tears and still am grateful too. Everything looks and feels different for me these days and I know that the only thing that has changed is my own perceptions. I've known for many years that nothing ever changes by my perception of things, even myself. It's a liberating belief to hold onto and it keeps me sane and grounded too. Of course there's times when I forget and when I'm ungrounded but the moment I tell myself "nothing ever changes but my perception", I'm grounded again and I'm good to go. Right now I'm focusing on an array of ways to 'ground' and there are so many. I may even write a post just on that before too long.
The connections this week have been like miracles for me and particularly yesterday when I got to speak to both my son and daughter as well as their adorable children and my heart lit up like Times Square. I do adore them and miss them terribly at times but the love I feel heals all grief as I focus on that love in honour of us all. Having great friends stop by was icing on the cake of my life and I floated into the evening last night with a delectable pile of home made vegan spring rolls and a pot of dandelion chai to round out a magnificent day. This morning I'm off to pick up my treadle sewing machine and call in on more friends. I choose to be thankful for people today, especially the people in my life right now. I am blessed to have met and known the most incredible people I can imagine meeting. I've met ordinary people that I consider everyday heroes because really, every person is a hero to me. No one really has a 'charmed' life, that's just a perception others have. It's a judgment and it's unfair. Everyone truly is fighting their own battles, usually through a veil of self-hatred or self-loathing and at least through a veil of self-denial so 'charmed' is an illusion of perception. We are all though, living the best life we each can and I know I have been blessed. Every person I have ever met has been incredible in one way or another and I really love each one. I forget names but not people and, although I once remembered the bad like badges on a chest, now that my perceptions of myself have changed, I'm remembering every person I've met with love. From those whom I am honoured to call friends to those I passed in the supermarket without actually meeting; from those I've met online to those I've spent hours laughing or crying with in person; from those who supported me in crises to those whom I supported in crises of their own; from the womb to the tomb of my shrivelled heart and from the first breath until this moment, I remember you and your light and I love you. Thank you for being you in my life, no matter how that presented for us both. You have made a difference in someone else's life - in my life and I will remember you with love always. Thank you so much.
RememberingUnity
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