I often joke with my husband that if we had ever been told or shown our #future we would once have run a mile in the opposite direction or at the very least, rudely rejected every bit of it. I guess that's why we as humans don't normally know our future, because we are not really ready to. I know my #consciousness has changed so much throughout the course of my #life but the core of who I am has not changed at all.
Someone told me 30 years ago that #meditation might help my #depression and I laughed at how ridiculous I thought that was - today I'm meditating, it's working and I wish I'd found it sooner: that person was right.
My mother in law had a very strong #faith in her #God and although I adored her, I did not understand why she chose faith or religion to give her what she needed. That was 20 years ago and today my own faith is at least as strong as hers - it's working, I wish I'd found it sooner, that person was right too.
2 years ago I felt drawn to move out of town onto an isolated property into a #community I knew, loved and respected. My husband had only ever lived in a big #city and I thought I preferred to be in town too. I had worked really hard to #heal myself on every level and particularly #physically, #emotionally and #mentally. It felt right and I felt ready for the move. Shortly after that, our whole #world #changed and without my faith and our strong #love for each other, I don't know if we would be still trying to make it all work. I had to stop work and with my husband #volunteering 40 + hours each week, we suddenly had zero income. I had horrific experiences with centrelink previously so we made the choice not to apply this time. We were now living #offgrid in the middle of nowhere, 20 minutes drive from the nearest town or shop, with a small generator for electricity, no money, no television, limited and sporadic phone and Internet and, we built an #outdoorhome so we could finally have a home of our very own. Essentially, the only indoor spaces we have are a bedroom and bathroom, every other area has #nowalls.
I feel very strongly that all of this was meant to happen. During my #journey of faith, I have experienced profound and extensive healing not only of depression and anxiety but also of severe physical illness and permanent #disability. The #health issues on my old MRI scans are no longer there according to my surgeon. I have also had complete remission from #clusterheadaches for the past 3 years which is a #dream come true for me. I believe what we are going through is the time we are meant to trust and allow that life will support us. We are both very loving, giving people but we both also are so fiercely independent that we usually don't think to ask for help at all when we need it. Only last month, my husband hurt his hand quite seriously in the #garden and while we went straight to the hospital for medical attention, we also waited two days to get money for antibiotics. One of our friends let us know that she was angry we had not let her know so she could help us and we both realised that it had never occurred to either of us to ask anyone for money. We got so used to being told no if we asked for help that we stopped asking years ago. No matter how we might judge ourselves, we really are #grateful our friend said something so that we are now aware of this area we need to heal our awareness of. This whole past year has been like that, becoming aware of ourselves on a totally different level.
My husband is a young man who only ever lived in the city, a self-confessed nerd who loves tv, #gaming, gadgets and #technology. If anyone had told him even 5 years ago that he would be working on a remote property, responsible for the maintenance of 340 hectares of #environmentally protected land, pooping in a DIY, #compostabletoilet, eating vegetables and growing a #chakragarden he would have laughed out loud and swore. If anyone had told me 5 years ago that I would ever give up the role I felt born for, not hear from my friends, adopt an #unsweetened, #vegan diet and give up smoking while living with no income I would have said no way. I certainly would have rejected the idea of trusting my higher power to support my every need and living with no known stream of money.
My husband now gets a small amount of income that means we can put fuel in our generator, drive into town for groceries, I can go to school a couple of days a week and #volunteer too and, we can pay the phone bill. Yesterday I got my second haircut for the year and boy am I grateful for that little luxury. I'm learning to make #gourmetveganmeals in the #bbq because that is our only stove, and I'm hoping to start making my own clothes soon too because mine are falling apart and threadbare. My dad is a godsend who helps when he can and my husbands boss helps him out too.
Everything we need comes to us almost as soon as we ask for it and yet we forget to ask others. I'm guessing that's what we are needing to learn, that and how amazingly creative and resilient we really are. Our lives prepared us for this gift of #lifestyle and we are churning through it all, raising our #awareness and preparing to give even more love out to the world. I have complete faith in both of us and in my higher power that this is all temporary and will lead us to whatever comes next. The biggest gift has been the quality of the time we spend together completely engaging with each other. We are more best friends than ever now and have an incredibly strong bond.
We know that we don't need to know what our future holds, we just need to believe we will have a future and to be our truest selves right now. That's all that life has ever really required anyway.
At+Onement
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