The hardest, best thing I've ever had to learn is how to be real.  I read somewhere a few years ago that the human brain is hardwired to be negative. This got me intrigued and I decided to try and be aware of my own set-point of negativity.  I soon began to realise how many different and subtle ways I judge and apportion blame and that realisation was the catalyst for me creating a mantra for myself to use when I found myself being angry, critical, judgmental or otherwise succumbing to victim hood.  I always take a moment to 'detrigger' by naming the feeling, saying the feeling out loud and validating that it's okay and normal to feel the way that I do, to really feel the energy of it in my body.  I learned this at Heal For Life Foundation and it has been possibly the best, most effective and profoundly healing tool I have ever used for growth and healing because it physiologically frees the brain from fight/fright/freeze instantly and gives me back control.

Once I've released the energy in some way to support my body, I then ask myself "what would this look like if there was no blame"?

This starts a chain reaction in my mind which always takes me to Love.  My head goes through every scenario trying to find blame which brings it to my conscious awareness and I can then challenge or accept it, the point is, in my conscious awareness I have choice.  I can choose whether or not I blame or keep digging until I get to love.  Usually I start out blaming someone else, blaming myself, my feelings, my God, the weather, the world, and on it goes.  Often I find that when I start this, I go through them all because each time I recognise that one thing or person is not really to blame for how I'm choosing to feel, my brain finds another person or thing and so on until eventually I've gone through every person or thing, discounting them all and voila!! I'm suddenly feeling better because I have found there really is no blame and I can actually choose love.  I then thank myself for persevering and have compassion for myself for blaming in the first place.  I'm only human and it's how I'm wired so it will and does happen.  I don't want to blame myself for being real after all and, I want me to be the person I can turn to in a crisis so I need to be a person of safety for myself and empathize too.

There are times when I'm in such fear that I am not willing to keep ploughing through it and just choose to sit in blame anyway, sometimes I just have to give myself permission to be that way too for a bit.  I tend to find solitude then and find ways to process the feelings so I can release them and allow my heart to open back up.  Being able to do these things is really helping me to re-parent myself in a loving, nurturing way which is healing every pain I ever carried.  There is now no blame in that pain for me and I am in fact grateful for it so I feel a lot of peace within and that is reward enough for me.

I hope we can all find peace our own way and be patient as everyone else finds theirs too.  

Namaste.

At+Onement 

Http://jhundip.blogspot.com/

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