Loving me

During the past year my whole world has flipped on its head, literally and metaphorically flipping me on my head too.  Without the strength of my faith and the courage I now acknowledge that I have, I'm not sure how I would have got through it.  I feel very grateful to myself today for the strength I have and the love that I can embody.  In my meditation I was reminded this morning to be honest with myself and others and to appreciate myself.  This is a timely reminder for me as I have only just really begun to appreciate me and I often silence myself through fear when speaking up would be much more loving.  I'm a work-in-progress and I now have patience enough to be just that.  I used to hate on myself, beat up on myself, crack an invisible whip over myself, scream insults at myself, abuse myself and generally try to annihilate myself in any conscious or unconscious way I could find.  I was miserable then, afraid of everything and everyone and unable to see I was only seeing my own reflection in it all, tragically fearing myself in the world.  

I spent 12 years getting to know myself enough to like who I am and know my own thoughts, feelings and actions.  Learning how to open my heart and mind and how to choose life, and how to walk alongside others while they learned about themselves too.  For the first 35 years of my life I hated life most of the time and I hated me for being alive.  Only my beloved children brought me joy and I still thank God for them every single day.  

Over the past year though, as my world once again flipped completely on its axis, life has opened up in ways I never imagined possible.  Through a series of health scares and failing eyesight, I was led to pray and I came to see that I was still not free from abuse.  Even with all the work I had done on myself, I was still abusing myself and unknowingly drawing that energy to me from others to wake me up.  Not only was I drawing the energy to me, I was oblivious to it (the abuse) explaining it away, making excuses so I wouldn't see it for what it was.  Today I can be grateful because that abuse last year woke me up once and for all.  It was the catalyst for true awakening.

Since then I have worked really hard to find compassion for myself, love and acceptance, be gentle with myself-parent myself with nurture and to know who I truly am underneath all the fear.  That growth has brought me on the most miraculous journey of all - loving life.  Now sunsets and sunrises make me cry with awe.  Food flavours have me tearing up with delight.  Sounds hurt my ears but music still breaks my heart open in bliss.  I can feel breezes on my skin and the warmth of my husbands arms around me.  My senses are coming alive as I am and it has made life gloriously beautiful.  Each moment is now a testament to wonder and to me.  I have found it so easy to love and appreciate the people I meet and care about.  I have found forgiveness and gratitude for the people and experiences that I once judged, detested and feared.  Today I can love and appreciate me too and I do.

At+Onement 

Http://jhundip.blogspot.com/

#love #light #innerchild #soul #angels #mindfulness #gratitude #healing #trauma #depression #selflove #inspiration #quote #inspiringquotes #spirit #ascension #awakening #raiseyourvibration #spiritualhealing