I spent most of my life being what I thought other people wanted me to be because I didn't know any better and I learned a truly valuable lesson from that: it doesn't work. The only feeling I ever felt was miserable and I didn't know how to change that. I also didn't know that the things we do habitually, like being who we think other people want us to be - actually rewire our brains.
According to a relatively new science called 'neuroscience', our brains and nervous systems are made up of billions of cells called neurons which talk to each other via the spaces in between them, telling each other whether to get excited or go to sleep, much like if all the people on the planet started to talk to another. These cells communicate by the use of chemicals and there can be problems with the signals for a vast array of reasons with stress being high on the list but, our brains may also need stress.
When we get stressed, chemicals are released which alter our experience. The more 'stressed' we become, the more our brain alters our experience of now. If we are slightly stressed, we might experience a quickened heart beat, a little more stress may increase our attentive focus on the stressor while disrupting our attention for anything else, still more stress might sharpen our senses noticeably as our brain is preparing for action. If we experience traumatic stress then our brain may even release naturally occurring opiates to put us into a dream-like or trance-like state so our stress levels will come down again.
This is because the brain is designed to save us from danger and so it has all manner of abilities at its disposal to do that. If it perceives an external threat, it throws us into what is known as 'fight or flight' and, when the threat has passed, our brain turns off the alarms and puts us in a state of 'rest & digest'. If the danger doesn't pass though and the threat is ongoing, the brain continues to alter our experience of now, signaling one group of cells after another to maintain balance as best it can. If no relief is found, the system goes higher and higher until it is 'in the red' and now it has also become an internal threat. The brain will send us into 'freeze' here in order to preserve whatever it can.
I spent 35 years in 'freeze'. By the age of 35, I had been so traumatized that my brain was constantly anticipating danger even from non-threatening things and that anticipation had become habitual and unconscious so it was imprinted in my instinctual brain. My brain believed it was normal, helpful and healthy to be terrified of everything!
Of course it was not normal, helpful or healthy and I experienced the ultimate state of 'freeze', I developed lethal physical and mental dis-ease in my brains attempt to save my life. One by one, various systems in my body shut down and I became suicidal too. As my physical body screamed out its distress by switching off vital energies in a frantic attempt to rebalance, so my brain also struggled to maintain the correct chemical balance required for healthy thinking. All focus was now on immediate survival as the perception was that there was no longer a long-term to worry about. I'm pleased to say that I obviously survived that and, I also have been blessed to learn how my brain works now and can understand it and myself better. I also have more empathy and compassion for myself and others because one of the side effects of being too stressed is that the parts of the brain that allow us to have empathy and compassion shut down and cease to function. This is why, when we get stressed, we usually get sharp and short, or even cranky with others. As much as it can be hard to deal with cranky people, neuroscience can help us to recognise their crankiness comes from what's happening in their brain, their stress levels. This is one of the reasons that people who meditate are often less cranky, their brains have somewhere to park.
Meditation is the brains 'rest & digest'. After driving frantically up the freeway of life at breakneck speed with no brakes or airbags, I now regularly pull over into the 'rest & digest' bay via meditation; light exercise; healthy, high vibrational food; drinking plenty of water; positive thinking techniques and affirmations; self love and; reflective journaling.
Living in 'fight or flight' makes life hard, more stressful and less enjoyable. I found it easy to tell myself I was happy there for a long time because I didn't know I could change it and because my brain got used to the habit/addiction I had to high levels of stress. Now I'm no longer addicted, I actually do enjoy life. Now, I have the higher capacity for self-actualisation and spiritual growth as well, a core inner strength that supports my brains efforts to sustain my health on every level. Now I know that not drinking enough water is stressful to the brain and so is unhealthy food, no exercise, all work and no play and, lack of self-love. There's plenty of obvious stressors but there's also plenty of less obvious ones too. Even having anesthetic can be traumatic for the brain because it does not know the difference between going to sleep and dying.
Life gets better moment by moment and I know the science behind it now too so I know how to help myself.
Http://jhundip.blogspot.com/
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