It's happening to me almost every night for the past year - waking up between 3-5am.  At first I put it down to fresh trauma and then to stress and then I realised I had experienced it before and was taking medication which had stopped it happening for years.  Here I was still medicating and it was happening anyway, so the pills went bye bye.

According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, 3-5am is Lungs time which I am believing for myself is tied to all of the 'letting go' aka grief of the ego that is occurring in me now on many levels.  My consciousness is expanding and so am I so my ego is really struggling and grieving its losses as it adjusts. I've perceived for a long time that my culture is not very skillful at handling grief.  I feel fortunate for this perception because it made me try to learn for myself some effective ways of recognising and allowing grief in my life.  For years now I have just been practicing the acknowledgment and awareness of grief within myself and others and it's made a huge difference.  I believe that life is about learning to let go and so grief is in everything: losses, surrendering, realisations, creating, destroying.  To create a goal or dream and then see it through will invite grief once it reaches fruition - I had a purpose and now what?  Even to experience joy can bring up grief.  As someone who experienced childhood abuse and extreme trauma, I found that the joy I felt in healing brought grief for the moments I imagined were missed.  Imagining what a child with no trauma is like broke my heart open for myself and others and I grieved the perception I had of never being innocent, which was false anyway.

To experience change can also bring grief.  Normal is no longer normal and our egos may grieve the loss of mindlessness that can occur during change.  The chaos that can be perceived after and during change can also illicit grief in us and a pining for a return to what was.  

I've grieved so much and I know now that every moment of grief that I gifted myself has really been bliss in disguise.  My Soul has been awakening within me, expanding my heart to, and beyond breaking.  Opening me up to compassion, miracles and more, that grief has been molding me, fortifying me and stretching me. All of those tears I cried have released the stress chemicals my brain produces and washed over my face to work as toner on my skin, washing away the toxins as surely as a good rainfall does for the earth.

I'm still grieving and maybe I always will.  My heart knows grief now and I see the gift of it every time, I know that grief is not my enemy but my friend.  I know now that grief is not only healthy, it is necessary for growth, love, joy and bliss.  So I love me even when I wake up between 3-5am and work out what the grief is teaching me to flow through.  May we all learn to love ourselves enough to flow with who we really are.

Namaste💜💜

At+Onement 

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