Knives

I'm recognising how many knives I have plunged into my own heart throughout my existence.  Not just one knife and not just one type of knife either but many blades: bayonet, bolo, cutlass, cutter, dagger, kris, lance, lancet, machete, sabre, scalpel, scimitar, scythe, shank, shiv, sickle, skewer, stiletto, switchblade, sword.  I am aware lately of thousands of scars, wounds, scabs and sores in my heart and I know with certainty that I created each one myself.  I'm past the need to blame myself or anyone else for the pain I've experienced in all this and am content now to simply observe it, learn from it, and let go of it, surrendering it and myself to Love  again.  It's so liberating and healing to be in this space expanding, growing, loving and awakening.

This morning I observed a brief memory of how one part of myself had been judging another part of myself for the past 15 years (in this instance, as I've been judging myself my whole life).  At every moment being myself, I was formerly unable to accept anything I became aware of about myself which is quite sad to me now.  So there was this version of me doing the very best I knew how at the time, the very best, and I judged that me in such a way as to completely destroy it.  The paradox is that if I did not do it exactly that way, destroy who I thought I was, I may not be who and where I am today so really, there is nothing to judge now and by extension, nothing to forgive now either.  It is what it is and so am I.  That's the true beauty I am finding in life now and boy is it miraculous to me.

I mindfully allow now, each of these knives to become visible to me and excavate the self-awareness from the wound that I need in order to surrender it into infinity.  It's slow, sometimes painful on more than one level and actually quite delicate, precise and fascinating work.  I am letting go of the need to judge myself for not working for money right now as I need to do what I am doing and I have prepaid my way in life for a while and this is like my university degree in life where I can do my learning and pay later when I can use what I've learned with confidence and finesse.

Learning to Love myself unconditionally is fast becoming THE most important, healing, phenomenal, scary, incredible, amazing, fulfilling and miraculous thing I've done.  I always thought my children were my greatest love, my greatest achievement and my greatest gift from life and I also realise that my own Inner Child is all that and more.  I've loved you fiercely for over ten years now little one but now we're taking it to a whole new level and life just got real.  Wow!!!!

RememberingUnity

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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#weareallinthistogether #om #aum