Throughout the past week of illness and pain I've held steadfastly to the belief that it is simply energy trying to reset the balance within me that I need. I am learning to recognise, acknowledge and accept energy as it is instead of how I want it to be. Science has shown that everything is energy including me and my heart has always known this as my truth. I've spent these past days nurturing, caring, empathising and allowing myself to do nothing other than just be in each moment and accepting whatever arises. As always it's been liberating and illuminating as both small and large realisations float to the surface for my acknowledgment and surrender. The biggest release arriving this morning as I held my baby doll. While blessing my meals this past week I felt the urge to thank the food for its sacrifice in becoming my meal. I didn't know why I felt that urge but I trusted it and went with it before every meal. Each time I did it, I felt waves of Love returning to me and cried at the bliss of it. Days and days of this while I navigated the energies of illness and pain. A dear friend did a remote IYS healing for me that she has learned from Shakti Durga (www.shaktidurga.com) and up it came, with ease and grace. If I engage Unity Consciousness to see my Self, I see how that urge to thank my food for its sacrifice was coming from my need to thank myself for the same. I was still unconsciously beating up on myself for all the sacrifices I had made in this life as if they were selfish and a waste instead of seeing how much love I served with while I made each choice. I never fully appreciated any form of service I offered in any way. I was so busy seeing that reflected back to me in others that I could not see myself as the one doing it to create those reflections around me.
Yesterday I had a moment of forgiveness and gratitude towards my first husband. For years I had told myself that he was abusive and hurt me terribly. Months ago I was able to forgive him and be grateful for the way he helped me to grow. Yesterday though, I was able to accept my own responsibility too. I now believe my Soul called him into my life to learn from and I did learn, a lot. I loved him but I was not then able to see that my love was conditional. Until now, I was never able to accept him as he is, without needing something to change. Today I can accept him exactly as he is because I can better accept myself that way. I can clearly see all the experiences I had of abuse, being mostly verbal psychological or emotional as a reflection of the types of abuse I engaged in against myself and others. In this state of mind I see how he may have perceived me as abusive too, unable to accept him or his love. I needed to believe my reality and I wanted him to believe my reality too. I wanted him to change so I could see him but that's not what he was there for. It's not even what I was there for, to change him. I was there to change me - to wake me up - and it worked.
Today I am extremely grateful to my first husband for helping me to wake up, for being a great teacher, for being himself and for incarnating in this life.
I'm grateful to my current husband for helping me to wake up, for being a great teacher, for being himself and for incarnating in this life.
Now today I'm also able to be and I am: grateful to me, myself for helping me to wake up, for being a great teacher, for being myself and for incarnating in this life. I thank me for my sacrifices. I recognise and accept that I have served life really well so far and that my heart will see that I continue to serve with love. Ho'oponopono mi Amore 💛💛💜💜
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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ
lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu
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