As Above, So Below

As above-so below.  As within-so without.  In unity I am the world and the world is me.  This means to me that by becoming more aware of myself, I become more aware of everything and similarly, in becoming more aware of everything, I become more aware of myself.  In learning about neuroscience and particularly the physiological and psychological effects of trauma on the brain over the past decade, I have learned a great deal about the Earth too.  Simply by applying the same tools within as without and vice versa, I have been able to observe obvious patterns and solutions, issues and blessings, within myself and within everything around me.  Each day it gets easier for me to sit in silence and allow eternity to unfold around and within me, to observe myself, others, nature and everything as one, unified whole.  The age old question of "what comes first, the chicken or the egg?" is simple for me now:  neither comes first because they exist concurrently and in unity, just as everything else does.  

Although I'm now aware I have known all of this in every moment, I often forgot the knowledge in my fear of existing.  Learning to love myself has been the prime force of my carnation and I now choose to perceive that every moment I've experienced has been a tool to support my learning just that - self love.  I have long believed I had a big heart and I spent decades loving others, even when my judgments told me not to.  It seemed that no matter what I experienced, I still wanted to love.  Looking outside myself, projecting all the love I needed to give myself onto an unsuspecting world while I rescued myself: attempting to become so small that no one would notice me.  While I engaged in my unconscious and vain effort to 'save' myself from pain, my beloved higher self created more pain for me to wake me up.  Now that I'm fully embracing pain, making friends with it and accepting it as a teacher, I'm recognising the truths of it more and more.  I have now experienced bliss being painful and pain being blissful so to me now, bliss and pain are the same vibration perceived differently.  I went through decades of time (47 years of singular now's strung together to placate my egos perception of what reality should be) resisting pain, hating it, running from it, dissociating from it and trying to numb it away.  Now I welcome it into my awareness to sit in silent meditation with me.  At times I feel a need to serve others when pain is screaming at me to not move or to go near anyone, so I negotiate with it.  I ask for a compromise where I can serve for a time if I nurture my body before, during and after.  My ego is still trying to accept this but I feel as if I'm winning and I'm beginning to noticeably glow.

As above-so below.  As within-so without.  In unity I am the world and the world is me.  I see what I am learning as what the world is learning too.  There is pain and bliss in this world and many are learning what they need to from that.  The Earth itself throws up Her pain in the form of natural disasters which wreak havoc until we become aware of the bliss of love that also appears in those times too.  Miracles occur more noticeably in disaster.  It's as if we see the light of love more clearly in the darkness of disaster.  I see myself and my pain that way too now and it feels good to look through this lens.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

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Oxytocin

People who have known me longer than a year may be surprised to learn that these days I only share 2 hugs most days.  I used to share hugs with heaps of people but I've needed to pull back.  Hugs are known to activate the secretion of oxytocin in the brain and this amazing chemical physically supports us in feeling loved, safe, trusting, connected, happy and calm.  A nice long hug (minimum of 30 seconds) has an extremely soothing effect on the body and in particular the nervous system.  Any form of touch will activate oxytocin and I have used many different techniques such as hugs and massage in my efforts to 'teach' my brain to secrete oxytocin.  Having been exposed to very little gentle or prolonged touch during childhood, my brain and body did not secrete oxytocin very well for decades.

Virginia Satir says we need 12 hugs per day and for the past decade I was in a very good position to achieve that and to help others achieve it too.  Over the past year as I have had massive life changes, my hug quotient has fallen drastically and I feel grateful that I have the knowledge of this system that I do.  Not getting enough oxytocin can impact our moods and physiology, leaving us to feel unsafe, sad, untrusting, anxious, afraid and even angry (as anger is energy borne from fear if like me, you follow the philosophy of there being only 2 energies - love and fear).  I'm grateful too for my husband who gives amazing hugs.

Oxytocin is secreted in new mums and bubs so they can bond at birth, during breastfeeding and, during orgasm for all genders.  It is a phenomenal part of our makeup that not everyone is aware of having or how to improve.  I also read somewhere years ago that feeling grateful secretes oxytocin as well and I must say it sure does feel like it to me these days.

Because the brain cannot actually tell the difference between what is real and what is make-believe, the hugs I give my baby doll-Self also count.  Hugging my Inner Child during meditation is also a real hug received for the brain.  All I need to do now is give that baby Me more hugs, in meditations and for real, and keep feeling grateful for every moment I'm alive, no matter what my ego wants me to perceive.  I hope you get your oxytocin flowing often too, it's amazingly effective particularly if you have experienced trauma or abuse of any kind in infancy.  I have found there's always hope and we truly do have all we need right here inside us to heal anything we think we lack in this life.  Oxytocin helps to really feel that.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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Vegan Yoghurt

Thank you Coles!!! Yummy began unsweetened yoghurt💖💖💖💖💖. Tastes great in my fruit and veg smoothie for breakfast with blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, cranberries, watermelon, kale, celery, ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon and parsley.  Heaven in a glass 💚💚💚

Breakthrough

Throughout the past week of illness and pain I've held steadfastly to the belief that it is simply energy trying to reset the balance within me that I need.  I am learning to recognise, acknowledge and accept energy as it is instead of how I want it to be.  Science has shown that everything is energy including me and my heart has always known this as my truth.  I've spent these past days nurturing, caring, empathising and allowing myself to do nothing other than just be in each moment and accepting whatever arises.  As always it's been liberating and illuminating as both small and large realisations float to the surface for my acknowledgment and surrender.  The biggest release arriving this morning as I held my baby doll.  While blessing my meals this past week I felt the urge to thank the food for its sacrifice in becoming my meal.  I didn't know why I felt that urge but I trusted it and went with it before every meal.  Each time I did it, I felt waves of Love returning to me and cried at the bliss of it.  Days and days of this while I navigated the energies of illness and pain.  A dear friend did a remote IYS healing for me that she has learned from Shakti Durga (www.shaktidurga.com) and up it came, with ease and grace.  If I engage Unity Consciousness to see my Self, I see how that urge to thank my food for its sacrifice was coming from my need to thank myself for the same.  I was still unconsciously beating up on myself for all the sacrifices I had made in this life as if they were selfish and a waste instead of seeing how much love I served with while I made each choice.  I never fully appreciated any form of service I offered in any way.  I was so busy seeing that reflected back to me in others that I could not see myself as the one doing it to create those reflections around me.  

Yesterday I had a moment of forgiveness and gratitude towards my first husband.  For years I had told myself that he was abusive and hurt me terribly.  Months ago I was able to forgive him and be grateful for the way he helped me to grow.  Yesterday though, I was able to accept my own responsibility too.  I now believe my Soul called him into my life to learn from and I did learn, a lot.  I loved him but I was not then able to see that my love was conditional.  Until now, I was never able to accept him as he is, without needing something to change.  Today I can accept him exactly as he is because I can better accept myself that way.  I can clearly see all the experiences I had of abuse, being mostly verbal psychological or emotional as a reflection of the types of abuse I engaged in against myself and others.  In this state of mind I see how he may have perceived me as abusive too, unable to accept him or his love.  I needed to believe my reality and I wanted him to believe my reality too.  I wanted him to change so I could see him but that's not what he was there for.  It's not even what I was there for, to change him.  I was there to change me - to wake me up - and it worked.  

Today I am extremely grateful to my first husband for helping me to wake up, for being a great teacher, for being himself and for incarnating in this life.

I'm grateful to my current husband for helping me to wake up, for being a great teacher, for being himself and for incarnating in this life.  

Now today I'm also able to be and I am: grateful to me, myself for helping me to wake up, for being a great teacher, for being myself and for incarnating in this life.  I thank me for my sacrifices.  I recognise and accept that I have served life really well so far and that my heart will see that I continue to serve with love.  Ho'oponopono mi Amore 💛💛💜💜

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Nurture

I never would have once imagined that I could feel grateful for pain or illness and yet here I am feeling just that.  I used to be always terrified of Cluster Headaches, sure that I was powerless, a victim to the agony I felt.  Years and years of desperately seeking relief in vain left me feeling hopeless and yet still determined.  This time around I feel grateful.  There is a difference now for me - I surrendered and merged with them.  I recall it being one of the scariest things I had ever done at the time.  I chose to go without medication and speak to the pain, to embrace the feelings buried within me.  It took a few years to get through the bulk of it but it gave me such an incredible understanding of myself, my body and my resilience.  It started to improve and, this Cluster I have now is the first one I've had in three whole years.  The last one was in October 2013.  Just like that one, this one is different from all the others too.  It's as if all the symptoms have separated out and I can observe them singularly.  

I liken it to group work:  if I was leading a group of people and they were all talking at at me at once, I would not be able to make out what any one person was saying to me but, if I address the group as a whole and offer to hear them one-at-a-time, we all get our needs met.  So it is with my internal world:  these Clusters have more than one symptom or component so now that I respect them and have stopped resisting, I can hear better.  Now I'm getting only one or two symptoms at once so I can work out the cause and move on to the next symptom.  For the past week I had one symptom which I have now alleviated and another has surfaced.  Feelings materialise continually and are flowing through me like lava, water or air, depending on their urgency, their age and their need. All I need to do is feel, observe and learn.  

Of course, the child in me still feels like crap, still feels sick and sore and sure it's all very real.  This I nurture with soft blankets, fresh water, sleep and words of love.  I caught myself yesterday thinking I should be up and about doing something and not laying around but, I'm really sick so if someone else was like this, I'd encourage them to do what I'm doing.  I had to own that my impatience came from fear of what other people might think.  Once I owned that, it was easy to see and release some more of the energy that the illness is here to help me release.  I also had a sudden moment of feeling like I don't know who I am anymore which is a good sign too as my ego is adjusting to my higher level of consciousness.  Comforting and nurturing was the best medicine there too.  I had a big day of awareness yesterday and I slept on and off too.   I'm aware right now that there is a huge amount of old energy shifting within me and it needs to shift.  I intend to give it whatever time it needs.  I owe it to myself to be a loving parent to me and everything else will have to come second for now while I do just that.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

They're ba-ack

For the past week I've been sick and in pain.  I have again been gifted the presence of Cluster Headaches to make more peace with.  After having feared and hated them for over thirty years, I learned to accept and find gratitude for them three years ago and they stopped altogether.  Last week they returned but, they're different now or at least, I'm different.  My historical experience of Clusters has been horrific.  I had my first experience with them at age 16, within weeks of surviving a motor vehicle fatality.  I was struck down for six months of each year throughout my late teens and early twenties and quickly became hopeless.  By my late twenties I was taking anti-depressants and spending thousands of dollars each year searching for relief and a miracle cure but in vain as neither were possible.  I found that Cluster Headaches simply have to run their course and, having between 1 and 9 of these excruciating attacks every day for 5-9 weeks at a time, it was often completely unbearable.  The effects of this dis-ease impacted not only on me but on my children, my marriage, my employment and on my health at every level.  I really hated the pain, I lived in constant terror of it, even when it wasn't there, and I became a real victim to it.  I allowed it to control most of my life for over three decades.  Eventually I completely imploded and tried to commit suicide repeatedly.  I blamed the Clusters for that behaviour but I had no idea what they were doing FOR me as well.

I did not learn much about self care growing up.  My family was not able to pass on that particular  lesson to me and I pretty much grew like a weed.  The Clusters came along within months of my leaving home and in hindsight I see now that they taught me almost everything I know about self care.  I soon found that if I pushed myself too hard; did too little; got too emotional, I would get Clusters.  I turned to drugs including alcohol, prescription meds including barbiturates, OTC meds and cigarettes in order to try and block the pain.  When that didn't work, I resorted to banging my head against walls and overdosing but soon found that only made it worse.  I tried every medication and therapy I heard of for thirty years and spent many thousands of dollars in the hopes of alleviating the pain even a little bit.  I would find something that worked and the next time, that same thing would make it worse.  It was a hideous spiral I prayed to escape and yet I felt unable to.  I think the thing this pain taught me more than anything was how resilient and resourceful I can be.

Cluster Headaches taught me to meditate to try to switch off the pain; to breathe more slowly and deeply; mindfulness; to exercise more gently and the value of incidental exercise; the benefit of stretching; respect for medications and their limitations; how to research critically; discernment; perseverance; determination; courage; stamina; pain management; visualisation; how to sit still; back care; good posture; humility; manual handling; and how to improve my nutritional intake.  Although at times an extremely harsh teacher with seemingly no compassion, Clusters never stopped believing in me, in my ability to overcome.  Like a rabid coach in the wee small hours, Cluster Headaches roared over me with a ferocity unmatched by any other to keep me crawling through the mud, muck and pain to reach the point I'm at now.

This past week the pain I've had has been minimal by comparison to what I've experienced previously and I'm grateful for that.  The pain now is about a 4/10  or 5/10 where it used to always be 9+\10 before.  I'm finding it possible to observe the pain and speak with it instead of believing I am one with it.  I am not the pain and it is not me, we are simply cohabiting the same space for a while.  I'm very aware now that the pain is simply energy in my body and it's trying to restore balance.  The pain is actually trying to help me become pain free by moving itself through my system.  Now, although it's not easy, I'm intent on sending love and light to myself; thanking the pain and myself and, having compassion for all I've embraced in this life.  With Clusters and flu-like symptoms creating agony, apathy and lethargy in my body I'm not exactly happy right now and I get about two hours sleep each night/day but, I'm okay and my non-sleep is quite meditative so my brain is getting what it needs.  I'm drinking more fresh water than ever before which is a real plus.  

I've danced every dance there is with Clusters over the past thirty two years and I can dance again for a few more weeks.  I'm now ultra healthy on every level and extremely strong so I can do this, I believe in me now.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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Dissociation and Homeastasis

When I was young I felt my feelings and displayed them with ease.  I often found myself in trouble for crying as a child and, in my marriage I was discouraged from laughing too loudly or having 'too much' fun.  Regardless of the life lessons in all this, I learned to stop feeling - a form of 'dissociation'.  I'm a fast learner and I learned to stop feeling so thoroughly that I almost ceased to exist.  I experienced related symptoms of dissociation like self harm, suicidal behaviour, addictions and depression.  Depression is described in the dictionary as something that is hollowed out, pushed down, lower than things around it.  I became all of those descriptions by denying my feelings completely.  What is really amazing to me now is knowing how simple it is to program our own brains that way without even knowing we are doing it.  It's also just as simple to re-program our brain to be healthy.

Neuroscience knows that most people have a fight/flight mechanism that helps us to preserve our life. Whenever our brain perceives a danger of any kind, our major muscles and organs are prepared to fight or run and the rest of our body's systems get shut down to ensure action is the only thing possible.  We will survive whatever the cost.  It has been proven that in fight/flight, rational thought; feeling emotions; digesting food and sometimes even speech is not physically possible until the danger has passed.  Even more incredible is the fact that if there is no way possible for us to fight/flight, the brain goes to 'freeze' instead.  When the brain perceives annihilation is imminent, we are flooded with naturally occurring opiates that alter our reality and reduce pain, increasing numbness and euphoria as a final gift to us before death.  The ego cannot however, tell the difference between a physical, spiritual, psychological, financial, metaphorical, emotional, natural or forced annihilation (death).  Any change, however small can be perceived by the ego as an attack and a big change on any level can be perceived as dying or annihilation.  The ego in fact, even perceives sleep as death because when we sleep deeply, our ego does not usually have any control and this lack of control is the ego's biggest fear.  Each time the ego perceives this annihilation, it registers in the limbus part of the brain as traumatic - too much for the ego to associate in the moment.  These 'traumas' get stored away until life reminds our brain again and we get another opportunity to reconnect and integrate the experience.  I have found now that life keeps reminding me until I assimilate these experiences and recognise the learnings and blessings they have afforded me at a soul level.

The brains of people who experience repeated abuse or trauma in their childhood can become so unconsciously used to fight/flight/freeze that they stop feeling any emotion at all over time.  Adult life is then lived in an alternating state of abject numbness interchanging with explosive/implosive and often irrational behaviours.  Self harm, depression, addiction, criminal/abusive behaviours, ill health and mental illness are just some of the ways that the brain tries to reset and reactivate the body's own natural healing state again.

Fight/flight/freeze is not only activated when we perceive an external danger, internal dangers set it off too:  overeating, illness, excessive exercise, stress, anaesthesia, sex, childbirth, being too cold or hot.  These and much more can throw our body into fight/flight and even freeze.  If we are in fight/flight for more than a matter of minutes; if our system goes too high, our brain then perceives an internal threat and applies a brake which is where we 'freeze' at.  This brake is normally supposed to engage after danger passes so we can rest and digest; so any damage can be repaired, so we can sleep (repair), eat (refuel), make love (reproduce), and restore homeostasis (reset) our bodies naturally.  If this rest and digest state is rarely or inconsistently engaged, our body begins to break down, play up and become ill on every level eventually creating dis-ease until the balance is restored.

The great thing is that once we know about how all this works we can support ourselves in healing whatever is necessary to restore balance within.  We can learn all we can about our bodies and recognise the benefits of both states of being.  We need fight/flight to help us act when we need to and we need rest and digest to help us be still.  It's learning to balance them that is key to good health and wellbeing.  Balancing these systems goes a long way to integrating our brains and being able to access our full potential.  Meditation, mindfulness, breathing, movement, yoga, walking, healthy nutrition, learning to feel emotions in the body, relaxation, music and sleep are just some of the ways we can really support our brains in restoring and maintaining this glorious balance.

Some great information can be found from people like Linda Graham, Peter A Levine, Louis Cozolino, Alan Schore, Joseph LeDoux, Daniel Siegel, J Douglas Bremner and many others.  

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Balance

The current segment of the spiral I am in is: re-learning rest as self care. I've learned this before on different levels, applied different ways and each time it of course presents differently to me too.  I recall last time I learned this at this level, I was having daily counselling and I had no idea that attending counselling sessions had any impact other than psychological and emotional.  I soon learned the physical and energetic impact it had as well and I learned to rest after each session.  I then learned to rest and stretch after exercising at my hydrotherapy sessions.  Over time I became very aware of my body's needs for rest after and more importantly during, various activities.  Then life helped me grow more by providing me with a job again.  I got to see how I still had much to learn about self-care in the workplace.  It took a lot of mindfulness, a couple of collapses and three years but I got it.  I learned to become more aware of my body's needs while working and how to not push myself so hard that there was nothing left for anyone else to do.  I was feeling very proud of my achievements and sure that I was healthy in all areas now.  Then it was time to re-enter the spiral again at the bottom.  I now am learning about my energy and how to care for myself there too.

I feel very fortunate that I have manifested Angels in the form of support, teachers, friends and resources into my life at each stage to make my learning possible.  It has only become obvious to me during the past two years how truly important self-love is and I am as committed to this as anything else, perhaps even more.    As I learn what works and what doesn't, I am able to stay grounded in Love and compassion more easily than ever before, especially for myself.  I know there will come a time when I will support others again but that is further along my spiral.  My pattern is obvious to me now and I can see my path clearly.  I no longer need to find my way in the dark which helps a lot.  My path is lit and I AM the Light making it visible to me.  Right now, I'm learning to balance movement with stillness, doing with being, left with right, masculine with feminine, all over again and I like learning so it's a good day for me.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Healing

Over the past 48 years of my life I've done a lot of things that have lowered the vibration of my energy dramatically.  I've made unwise or ignorant food choices; ingested, inhaled and guzzled many different drugs (toxins) including alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, pharmaceuticals and more; overindulged; beaten up on myself; pushed my feelings down; silenced my truth; hated myself fiercely and much, much more.  Like any other receptacle, there is a point when I became full and began to overflow.  That's when all hell broke loose and I faced my own version of Armageddon, my own personal Waterloo, life as I'd known it to that point was over.  The healing began and with it, the release of all those toxic and leaden vibrations.

I romanticised healing for a long time because I needed to in order to keep going.  Healing is not easy, it takes everything to keep facing the demons inside.  It takes courage, strength, time, commitment, determination, honesty, surrender and effort.  If I want to I can turn away from healing but, it will still chase me.  Healing is about waking up, coming home to myself and remembering that I AM Love, that everything but Love is an illusion.  Healing is vital, beneficial, miraculous, amazing, incredible and divine.  It also can be hard, terrifying, brutal, unrelenting and humiliating.  Healing is as paradoxical as life itself and it depends totally on my own attitude and mindset.  Once I began to face what I'd resisted for so long, my vibration began to rise.  Once my vibration rose, toxins began to release from every cell of my being, that's what healing does.  Healing is wholistic!  It's not only emotional.  It's not only physical.  It's not only psychological.  It's not only spiritual.   It's not only cellular.  It's not only anything.  Healing happens on a vibrational level which means everything about me begins to change when I make any change at all.  That's how we're wired.  I recall a song from my childhood that sings of how the leg bone's connected to the knee bone, the knee bone's connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone's connected to the hip bone and so on.  Everything is connected and not just bone's - everything.  The world even heals the same way I do and recognising that has made a big difference to my perception of the world around me too.  It works the same way I do.

Today I'm feeling really sick and I know it's because I'm healing.  My body is letting go of huge amounts of toxins.  I have an inner vision today of massive amounts of black dross leaving the organs of my body, leaving my digestive system, leaving my cells and muscles.  I've ensured this dross is going into an electric violet column to be cleaned and I am simply sending my body love and gratitude for all it has endured on my behalf.  My body has taken a horrendous amount of abuse, neglect, abandonment and hostility and it's done an amazing job too.  If I can spend the past 12 years immersing myself in hell to heal everything else, I can devote time to healing my darling body too.  I now feed it high vibrational food and drink and nurture it with more natural and loving products.  Im drinking more chemical free water to hydrate my cells and neurons as I know my body has to struggle without enough water.  I'm incorporating gentle exercise into my life more.  I'm more mindful of breathing so my body can get the air it needs to thrive.  I've been using positive and loving self-talk and IYS therapy in order to let go of toxins and raise my vibration further and it's all working wonderfully.  It's my body's turn to rest a while and repair and I honour that need with compassion, empathy and love today.  Gentle, restful, peaceful stillness.  Thank you so much body for serving my needs so well in this life.  I love you me.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Vegan Sausage-less Rolls

I've been at it again, cooking in my little kitchen.  After making the rolls with nutmeat last time, I really was tied to make some less processed rolls and today was the day.  It paid off too, they are de-licious!!!!  It took about 10 minutes to make and 39 minutes to cook all three trays so it is fast-food too and, I can take some for my lunch tomorrow.  Yum💛💛

Vegan Sausage-less Rolls

Makes 18 small rolls

Preheat oven to 220C

- 6 sheets Boags® Puff Pastry

- 1 red onion, finely diced

- 250g block Bio Chees® Vegan Cheese, grated

- 1/2 block tempeh, crumbled

- 440g tin 4 bean mix, undrained

- 440g can chickpeas, undrained

- 4 tablespoons tomato sauce

- 1/4 cup quinoa flakes

- 1/4 cup psyllium husks

- 1 Tspn dried dill

- Salt and pepper to taste 

- 2 tblspns olive oil

Method:

Place undrained 4 bean mix and chick peas in a blender and mix until smooth.

Tip into large mixing bowl with tempeh, onion, cheese, sauce, quinoa, psyllium, dill, salt and pepper, oil and mix all together until well combined.

Separate pastry sheets and divide mixture into 6 portions, rolling with hands into long sausage-like shapes that fit the length of the pastry.  Place one piece of rolled mixture onto each sheet of oastry and roll pastry sheet around each one until you have six long rolls.  Make sure the pastry joins underneath and not on top.

Cut each roll into six equal pieces and place each piece into a lightly oiled, flat oven tray.  Spray tops of rolls with olive oil.

Bake 10 minutes or until golden brown and puffy.

#vegan #meatfree #figjam #vegetarian #healthyandtasty #veganismorethanjustsalads

Knives

I'm recognising how many knives I have plunged into my own heart throughout my existence.  Not just one knife and not just one type of knife either but many blades: bayonet, bolo, cutlass, cutter, dagger, kris, lance, lancet, machete, sabre, scalpel, scimitar, scythe, shank, shiv, sickle, skewer, stiletto, switchblade, sword.  I am aware lately of thousands of scars, wounds, scabs and sores in my heart and I know with certainty that I created each one myself.  I'm past the need to blame myself or anyone else for the pain I've experienced in all this and am content now to simply observe it, learn from it, and let go of it, surrendering it and myself to Love  again.  It's so liberating and healing to be in this space expanding, growing, loving and awakening.

This morning I observed a brief memory of how one part of myself had been judging another part of myself for the past 15 years (in this instance, as I've been judging myself my whole life).  At every moment being myself, I was formerly unable to accept anything I became aware of about myself which is quite sad to me now.  So there was this version of me doing the very best I knew how at the time, the very best, and I judged that me in such a way as to completely destroy it.  The paradox is that if I did not do it exactly that way, destroy who I thought I was, I may not be who and where I am today so really, there is nothing to judge now and by extension, nothing to forgive now either.  It is what it is and so am I.  That's the true beauty I am finding in life now and boy is it miraculous to me.

I mindfully allow now, each of these knives to become visible to me and excavate the self-awareness from the wound that I need in order to surrender it into infinity.  It's slow, sometimes painful on more than one level and actually quite delicate, precise and fascinating work.  I am letting go of the need to judge myself for not working for money right now as I need to do what I am doing and I have prepaid my way in life for a while and this is like my university degree in life where I can do my learning and pay later when I can use what I've learned with confidence and finesse.

Learning to Love myself unconditionally is fast becoming THE most important, healing, phenomenal, scary, incredible, amazing, fulfilling and miraculous thing I've done.  I always thought my children were my greatest love, my greatest achievement and my greatest gift from life and I also realise that my own Inner Child is all that and more.  I've loved you fiercely for over ten years now little one but now we're taking it to a whole new level and life just got real.  Wow!!!!

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Suicide

When I was meditating this morning on what to write about today, the subject of suicide came forth.  The first time I remember having a suicidal thought I was 9 years old.  I saw someone hurting a baby and I felt responsible for that baby but powerless to stop what was happening.  I ran to my room and drowned in astral murk before acting out.  Over time I came to judge and despise people who attempted or committed suicide but I don't remember a reason for that other than my fear of becoming those people.  That fear stopped me from having thoughts about suicide completely for another 19 years.  The next time I entered the muddy waters of suicidal thoughts I was 27 years old, had two amazing children and owned my own home.  Outwardly I had an amazing life with a great income and a husband everyone else adored.  Inside I was a seething mess of misery.  Nothing at all was as it appeared and I had no healthy coping skills for everyday life at all.  I smoked, drank and over-ate most days and, on the days I didn't do one or more of those things I was obsessive, compulsive and ultra controlling of everything.  I was a mess and I knew it, I just didn't know what to do about it.  Eventually I imploded and began attempting suicide.  Each time I tried and 'failed' I became more desolate, more determined and unbeknownst to me at the time, more enraged.  Over the next 6 years I attempted suicide at least fifty times and in the final year of this madness, I actually felt as if I could not stop myself from trying over and over to end my life.  It was as if I no longer had an "off switch".  One day I just snapped and realised I had never allowed myself to feel angry and decided I'd try that as I had nothing else to lose anymore.  By then I'd lost everything including my precious babies I thought, so I believed I really had nothing more to lose.  All I can say today about that is "thank God".

Getting angry that day safely, with a witness and in a controlled environment that I intuitively realised I needed first, was one of the most healing things I've ever done and it set me on a path to Love and self-discovery.  Getting angry finally led me to getting real and up till then, my biggest misery was that I didn't feel real in any way I could describe.  I felt like an actor in a movie all my life until that day.  Getting angry safely, helped me to 'ground' into my being, into my life and can I say: this angel fell with an almighty thud.  I fell so hard I bounced!  Within days Light came into my life in the most glorious ways and Angels appeared out of nowhere to help, something I'd never noticed happening to me before.  I found a new counsellor and I then began my 'rebirth', a complete overhaul of my entire belief system, emotional index and astral experience.  I would be in counselling for eight years before I felt confident enough in myself to stand alone.  I still had suicidal thoughts over that eight years but I never once acted on them again because I observed it as all it really was -  thoughts and feelings, I knew then it wasn't 'who I was', but rather, thought patterns and tapes playing to me.  It would take another five years for me to recognise today that all of that was just learning and that I can feel grateful for what it taught me.  

Today I do feel grateful for that long, dark night.  It opened me up to myself and life in a way I'm not sure I can describe.  Going through all that and surviving, no - thriving - because of that; learning firsthand about the psyche, my own psyche included; recognising the courage, creativity and resilience entailed in overcoming suicidality; meeting other amazing souls who travel that path too; learning to love and forgive myself and others.   Only this morning I realised I had been still carrying shame, blame and guilt around it all and I'm choosing to let it go today - now in fact.  I've been plagued by excruciating pain in my back for decades which the new moon in Aries wonderfully re-excavated for me this past fortnight so I could purify it from myself once-and-for-all.  I had plunged a huge knife of self-hatred into my own spine many years ago which I pulled out yesterday and then the tears began to flow.  A massive, soft, sore bulge appeared inside my nostril to alert me to the festering feelings of lack of self-love and that pain in my back cried out for attention once again.  I almost gave in to hopelessness and terror but then I remembered who I truly am and I self-nurtured.  I cradled my inner child in my arms and spoke words of love and support.  I swept and cleaned my own energy and filled my body with light, vibrant, healthy food and I got a massage.  Last night I slept like a baby, as I should.  I still have a little discomfort but I'm okay with that, my cells need time to readjust after these shifts too and I am aware of that and empathic to it.  Rage needs care and compassion too if it's going to be released safely.

Each day now I learn more and more about real freedom and it starts within, not without.  Today I pray for all of the people in the world who struggle with suicide and I hope they find the spark of Light within them that I found within me when my Light went dim all those years ago.

https://www.facebook.com/RememberingUnity/posts/1112091272200239:0

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Be Still

Today I'm aware of how much I need "stillness" in my life.  I've spent a lifetime adapting to my external world: changing, molding, bending, flexing, drowning, jerking, pushing, pulling, bobbing, breaking, bowing and scraping.  I exerted insane amounts of energy trying to please a world I could not fathom within myself because I did not actually know myself.  I forgive myself for that unknowing.  I believe now that I needed to be that so I could learn to know myself through the world.  I don't know why I needed to learn it that way but I know that I did need to.  My own belief is that everything happens exactly as it should and it has taken me at least this lifetime to make peace with that belief.  I fought it, ran from it, struggled against it, rejected it and abandoned it many times before I allowed it to sit in my heart and then allow myself to get a feel for it.  I always knew it but I resisted it so it persisted till I 'got it'.  Now it sits snugly like a newborn infant at peace in a mothers arms.  In accepting the belief, I've journeyed through a blazing, cleansing fire of self-acceptance; self-love; self-trust; and self-respect.  I've gone within myself to meet all of the facets of who I truly am and, although often repulsed, rejecting or terrified sometimes at what I discovered, I held the intent of learning to love myself unconditionally.

I feel blessed that I was able to manifest people, places, relationships and workplaces that supported my learning.  There were so many disassociated facets of my being that in hindsight, working in groups was always going to be of huge benefit to me and it has been.  Somehow historically, tidal waves, wrecking balls and holocausts have propelled me into new states of consciousness that leave me completely reborn anew and yet, I'm hoping now for a gentler future.  I suspect those tsunamis and Armageddon-like times occurred because I was unaware of the true value of stillness and how much stillness is who I really am.  Last week I went to the pool and took the opportunity to lay on my back in the water and just float.  I've always been able to float in water, even if I cross my feet and then cross my arms behind my head as if I'm relaxing on a lilo.  I'm virtually unsinkable since almost drowning three times in childhood.  As I floated I recognised how still my mind becomes when I float in water - my usually chattering monkey-mind just stops and observes my breath.  It's almost instant and it was sublime.  I was in a public, crowded pool, feeling completely supported, safe and at peace.  Not even joy crept into that stillness, nothing crept in.  I was one with life and, totally grounded in beingness.  

Since then I found a burst of renewed energy mixed with pain and inertia and, I struggled to decode the cause.  I had hot showers, went for a walk, lounged around, meditated, chanted, prayed, cooked, cleaned, slept, laughed, cried, slept some more and then, it hit me:  I need to be still.  Many of you may have always been aware of this for yourself but I have not.  I have lived a life of action, needing to be 'doing' or to be doing 'being'.  I've never really consciously valued stillness and my being now is crying out for it.  I'm in physical agony that I haven't experienced for a long time because I've been pushing myself again.  I thought I was being mindful of my body while I moved house and I was.  I took two weeks off from volunteering, only lifted light things, just attended to basics and tried to get more sleep.  I did not really allow myself to be still though.  Every time my body tried to be still, my mind jumped about trying to control me with: meditate, move, eat, chant, pray, sing, work, play, love, blah, blah, blah.  I love my mind and I'm very grateful for all this so I could get to today's realisation - I need to be still more often and honour myself as stillness too.

https://www.facebook.com/RememberingUnity/posts/1111301315612568:0

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Full Steam Ahead

One of the most liberating parts of the process I've been going through this past two years is to be freed from paranoia and conspiracy theories.  I used to be so sure of my fears and now I'm so sure they are just fear - illusions my ego used to keep me away from my heart and soul.  I love my ego, so creative and strong, so helpful and caring.  I don't need those fears anymore though.  I've made it to the other side of myself just enough to see the reality of Love and it feels so much better.  

It has not been easy to get to this.  I was extremely paranoid and fearful for a very long time.  It seemed as if I broke through one fear only to find another and another and another fear waiting for me as I journeyed.  My biggest fear then was spiders and I'm unsurprised by that now as it turns out that I was more afraid of the 'web of life' than anything else.  More afraid of creation, the creator, me the creator, than any other fear I had.  Those spiders represented to me all the things about myself that I forced to skulk about in the shadows, refusing to acknowledge, accept or trust.  As I've learned to love myself unconditionally, my phobia has eased considerably and I now want to make peace with spiders when I'm ready.  I'm not pushing.  I'm grateful for the thousands of different things spiders have helped me to overcome, fears that I was once unaware of - particularly fear of life itself; fear of me creating life for me.

I used to be so sure that everything around me was some conspiracy created by someone else to keep me entrapped and enslaved like in the movies: The Island, Gattica, The Truman Show and others but now that I see everything with eyes of Love, I know I was off the mark.  I had questioned myself for a few years before I shook it off completely and saw it as the fear that I had created in myself.  I'm not the person I once was although at the same time I am the same person I've always been.  My dear ego once again took a hit from life of gargantuan proportions which knocked me clear into eternity again and, although I struggled, I didn't go under this time.  I stayed afloat enough to tread water and grab a lifeline within myself.  I didn't forget this time that I'm okay.  I knew that this time I would make it and I have.  While trauma and abuse are horrendous experiences that I myself would prefer not to have anymore if, I've learned masses from my last traumatic experience of verbal and psychological abuse that has propelled me into an amazing place within myself.  As much as my dear ego would love for me to go back and be who I was before, I know I am not going to.  As always when it's time to surrender and let go, I know I must and I have nurtured myself to there so now there's only the ache of the bruises from landing to massage.  The fears and conspiracies I once believed in so soundly now lie in a distant, fearful and youthful past that seems very poignant, bittersweet,  and now far away.  Unconditional Love shows me a much brighter and more positive picture.  Those old fears and conspiracies were merely metaphors that were trying to portray the battle that my ego was waging to stop me finding my soul and my own power.  I believed it all for so long but the only thing trying to keep me enslaved was my own fears, those illusions that I wanted to hold onto so I could believe what I wanted to and never know my own truth.  

I know from neuroscience that the brain is negatively geared, that blame is the set-point for being human.  This means that negative thoughts, emotions and belief are the strongest and easiest to have and that there must be something to blame.  What I know from Transactional Analysis is that this is just the ego.  The child inside needs parenting, just like all children do and, that parenting needs to be firm and nurturing but we don't all have an immediate ability to do it without help.  I've learned and I'm doing it.  My Inner Child now has the most amazing parent with all that I need to Love me unconditionally into eternity and I will spend my life supporting others to learn how too.

https://www.facebook.com/RememberingUnity/posts/1109330902476276:0

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Talents, Passion and Wisdom

Day 4 of the "The Love Yourself More - 7 Day Challenge to Awaken Heart and Self Connection" with www.IAMIAM.com.au :  so far it's been wonderfully helpful and I've had a thousand new revelations this week at least.  This morning we've done a meditation and asked to write about our passions, talents and wisdom.  Here's what I've written:

6 years ago I made a pledge to God to be a patron of and for Inner Children everywhere and I am committed to that vow in this lifetime.  

I AM passionate about serving humanity to help people learn to love themselves through reparenting - loving the Inner Child first.  I support people in learning who they are and how life is simply a movie made to help us get to this moment.  A movie we each star in.  I support people in seeing themselves as they are - amazing in every way.  I support people in walking my talk, being myself and learning to love me as I am and sharing from that well of experience.  I have a strong faith and I draw on it to get me through tricky bits in my life.  I will serve humanity until my Soul ceases to exist.

I have the talents of Gabri-el: sounding the trumpet of love and life through writing, speaking, singing, teaching and Love.

I have the talents of Micha-el: strength, power, love, protection, guidance, commitment and discipline.

I have the talents of Rapha-el: healing, Love, compassion, empathy, trust, experience, resilience and intuition.

I have the talents of Uri-el: Light, Love, forbearance, knowledge, wisdom, desire, cognisance, clarity, honesty and fortitude.

I have the wisdom that comes from being on a very long, leisurely stint in hell and re-emerging with Love as my guide and Light in my being.  I AM invincible, incredible, indelible, and indestructible and I AM love.  I make mistakes and I own them; I fall and I get back up; I lay down to rest so I can get back up and be myself; I don't fight - I stand my ground until the ground gives way beneath me; I hold on until it's time to let go and then I cast off the lines and set sail to a new moment.  I AM life and I love who I AM.

https://www.facebook.com/RememberingUnity/posts/1107197489356284:0

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Bucket List 2016

This morning as I'm taking part in the Love Yourself More 7 Day Challenge, I'm writing out a 50 item bucket list.  I've easily got to 25 but stopped suddenly as I'm now drawing a blank.  I thought I'd let it go for a bit and see what arises on its own.  As I sat musing, it occurred to me that the reason I've drawn a blank is that for the past decade I've been living my old bucket list.

12 years ago I sat in a workshop with other women and was asked to write down five things I'd always wanted to try but never got to.  I could not think of even one thing that I wanted at all.  I was mortified and dug deep to try and recall even one thing.  After about ten minutes I came up with three things and I decided I had better really think about it when I got home.  I'd spent years not knowing who I really was, what I liked or what I wanted and I knew that I wanted that to change.  I think it took me about a week to come up with five things that first time.  I did the same workshop about 3 times over the next two years and it was easier every time.  About 4 years after the first workshop, I found the piece of paper that I had written my five things on and I was amazed to see I had done each of those things without even realising.  I hadn't given my 'mini bucket list' much thought then and had actually not recognised it as any kind of bucket list but it was.  Around that time the move "The Bucket List" came out with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson starring.  I loved it and began a more formal bucket list but I think I only came up with about 15 items for mine.  I did some surfing on the Net and found examples to draw on and give me some ideas.

As I write this morning, I realised there are not many things left on my old bucket list that I have not already done.  I feel amazed and excited at myself.  I've been so focused on 'being in the moment' that I had not really stepped back from it.  I've married the love of my life; I have amazing children and grandchildren; I serve my God with every breath; I had the job of my dreams for a whole decade; I've travelled so much of this great land; I've owned my own home three times; I've got postnominals after my name; I've written a book and had it published; I've sung in front of crowds; I've loved, lost and died more than once.  I've been in the news; given birth; rebirthed myself repeatedly; danced; played; prayed and done a thousand things that many people would be too afraid to do.  I know who I am now and I love me.  My Soul is at peace and my ego is becoming more accepting of being no-thing.  Now that I've got 25 things on my bucket list for me and gone blank, I'm going to sit and think of 25 ways I'd like to save humanity and put that on my bucket list too.

https://www.facebook.com/RememberingUnity/posts/1106403349435698:0

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Big boobs

Today I am embarking on an exciting new challenge: The Love Yourself More - 7 Day Challenge to Awaken Heart and Self Connection with www.IAMIAM.com.au    I'm really feeling good about this.  I signed up last week and have been aware of the energy of welcoming it in to my awareness ever since.  Yesterday I recalled the breast reduction I had at age 18.  My body developed as early as the rest of me and by age 14 I resembled the famous Dolly Parton.  Sadly I was ashamed of that and also terrified.  I wanted those giant orbs gone and fast.  I wailed to the doctor for over two years about how they were destroying my life and my health and how I wanted a breast reduction, then when I was 16, the doctor suggested a reduction to me - finally!  But I had a boyfriend then so I wasn't sure.  Cluster headaches helped me to make up my mind and at the ripe old age of 18 years and 6 weeks, I had 1 pound of flesh removed from each side of my chest.  That's 1/2 kilo each, the equivalent of two tubs of margarine.  I was ecstatic.  I finally felt beautiful.  I finally felt like people could see me, my face, my personality, not just a big set of boobs.  What I didn't know though was how much I hated myself, how much I could and would learn to love in time, regardless of my looks.

I had 3 wonderful years without those huge things weighing on my shoulders, pulling my bra straps down into painful grooves.  I blamed the boobs and not the bra, learned-blame from somewhere.  After 3 years, I had my son and within three days of his birth I awoke, devastated to find that my chest had suddenly expanded to its old pre-surgery size!!! I cried for hours over it.  It took many months for the swelling to go down and three years later, when my daughter was born, I was ready for it to happen again.  It was another 12 years after the surgery that they grew back more permanently.  My thyroid became overactive and tricked itself into shutting down in 2001 and I gained 50kgs of weight in 3 months.  After being obsessed with my weight and looks since I had the surgery, this was mortifying for me and I truly hated myself for it.  I feel sad now that my default set-point always seemed to be self-hatred and self-blame but I also feel glad that I now recognise it and have changed it.  When I gained 50kgs, the boobs came back and I've had them ever since.  In late 2006 I recognised how self-hatred had been the real reason for me to mutilate my body with the surgery.   Once I had that realisation, I was able to finally let it go and make peace with it.  I  don't believe now that the surgery was a bad or good thing to do, it was just part of my life and had to happen as it did.  I have learned so much from it and yesterday it came to my mind again.  I was able to joke about the blessing of having big boobs: I have a built-in coffee table no matter where I go😂. While supporting others with unconditional love in peace, I was able to fully appreciate the gifts I carry as part of my amazing body.  I was singing Gods praises all day with Pachelbel's Canon and it felt amazing.

Today as I point my attention to 50 things I love about myself, I'm adding my boobs to my list.  God gave them to me for a reason and I'm proud of em now.  They protect my heart and lungs, keep me warm, surround my huge heart very comfortingly, and create awesomely squishy hugs.  I also can go into water without sinking and have my own built-in air bags if I need them.  I have had Nanna-boobs most of my life and I'm okay with that.  So now I'm off now to write them in my list with 49 other things I love about myself.

https://www.facebook.com/RememberingUnity/posts/1104822656260434:0

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

More Peace

One of the ways I regularly choose to bring more peace into my life is to stop and reflect on the past simply to ask what it taught me.  This morning I am reflecting on the people from my past who made racist remarks around me and today I feel grateful to them.  According to neuroscience, in my early 20's my adult brain was still developing and there were many things I was totally unaware of.  When I heard people make racist comments I was horrified and mortified and I have to say, I judged them for it too.  Funnily enough I now believe that although I did not believe I was racist in any way, I was still judgmental and these people were reflecting that judgment back to me.  I didn't know that then but what they did for me was to cause me to pause.  I was so horrified at those kinds of remarks that I questioned myself.  I truly wanted to know if I was racist in any way so I could make whatever change I needed to and ensure that I was not.  These people who made those remarks helped me to stop and explore every time I heard them and change lots of little things about myself and for that I am grateful.

I have always believed that humanity is one tribe.  Race, gender, ethnicity has never been an issue for me but I did judge millions of other things about others and now I continually work on loving and accepting everything about myself as it stops me judging others to stop judging myself.  I once saw a thousand splinters in my heart but I missed the log that my own lack of self love had splintered into to cause that.  Now I'm sanding the log instead, allowing the splinters to work their own way out, in their own time.  

Big thank you to all those whose behaviours horrified me over time because you've been waking me up to myself.  Namaste.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #peace #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Service

Most people may already know that doing anything at all is service to humanity on some level.  For myself, I am only new to that realisation.  Raising our children serves humanity; helping someone cross the street; taking notes for someone; sharing our own journey; taking care of details for big picture people; ironing a shirt; making a dress; giving flowers; sharing a post or posting your own on social media; running a marathon; public speaking; volunteering; teaching; learning; playing; dancing; writing; repairing a car; ......... these are just some of the ways we can each serve humanity.  There's no real limit to the number of ways in which we all serve every day.  Even just to sit silently watching a movie in companionable silence serves a purpose, even if you're alone.  Filling our own tanks is also service to humanity because when we feel good, we raise the vibration of our own energy and this adds to the vibrational energy of the planet.  Today I'm choosing to feel grateful for everything I AM and everything I do as I believe I am serving humanity in a thousand ways large and small.  By smiling, greeting people, being silent, speaking peacefully, making eye contact, saying so long and thanks to a friend I've been staying with, saying hello with a hug to my husband, supporting friends, walking through a crowd, singing uplifting songs at Satsang, being mindful of myself and others and offering silent prayers for those in need.  All this and more will make my day joyful as I serve with love and intention today.  May your day be joyful too even if only in the smallest of ways.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ

#weareallinthistogether #om #aum

Angels

The first time I remember talking to God, The Divine, The Universe, My Highest Self, in some form, I was 5 years old.  I get the sense there were times before that but I remember this one clearly.  I lived in a caravan (trailer) park with my mother, brother and sister.  There was a small lake there where I used to go and lay next to, in the dirt, and gaze up at the sky in wonder.  That place beside the lake was where the whole world dropped away for me and I connected with my spirit in unity.  In that place, time stood still, I was one with all and I heard the stillness of existence.  I was 'at home' and I knew it.

Even at 5 I felt sad, miserable and bereft, grieving the loss of my Dad who had vanished into the obscurity of my parents marriage breaking down irretrievably.  It would be almost 1/2 a century before I understood the spiritual reason for why I went through this tragedy.  Shortly after losing my relationship with my beloved Daddy, my mother sent me to church and I heard about a new father that would never leave me.  That was a miracle to my tiny heart and I embraced it with all that I had.  I learned that this new father of mine was everywhere and so I chose my spot by the lake to commune.  I spent many hours by that lake talking to my 'heavenly father' and gained much  from His responses.

I did not live in that park very long and over the years, I was forbidden to 'daydream'.  Eventually in 1998, I lost my connection with so much of life and myself that I reached a point of complete disengagement with myself and that's when I became suicidal.  In that darkness, I had to wake up or die and I know I had help.  In the complete blackness of despair I saw a tiny, tiny spark of light inside myself.  I was too distraught and hope-less to take much notice in the moment but it was there and it began to unfreeze the glacier that I'd become.  For the first time since I was 5 years old, I gave myself permission to actually be a child and I roared out my pain, grief and sadness along with my anger and fear.  It was the single most cathartic thing I've ever done, even now.  It hurt so much and yet it saved my life and my sanity.  Even now, if I begin to feel low I am reminded almost immediately of the healing that took place in that moment and then I have an idea of what to do next - stop and feel.

All of my life I have been surrounded by Angels and I didn't know it but I do know it now.  Waking up to that knowledge has been incredible and amazing.  My daily prayer for the past 5 years was for 100,000 Angels to be by my side and surround my place of work, my friends, my tribe.  I knew they were with me and I saw them in every person and every situation.  Then suddenly it was time to wake up more and it all disappeared leaving me shocked and stunned until I realised I just needed to stop and feel again, I'd been through this before metaphorically and I would be okay.  And so it is, I AM okay.  These tragedies in my life don't happen TO me, they happen FOR me and now I see the gift in each trauma, I no longer need to hold on or blame.  With Angels everywhere I look, the world is astoundingly beautiful and so is life.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

#innerchild #mindfulness #life #inspiration #healing #angels #followforfollow #awakening #light #selflove #raiseyourvibration #unity #spiritualgrowth #soul #gratitude #love  #mythoughts   #energy #livinglife #positivevibes #peaceonearth #remembering #worklifemyway #beingreal #beingtrue #ॐॐॐ #om #aum