Mirroring process

It has taken me a long time to gain an understanding of the way my life is created and nourished from reflections, the world around me mirroring back my own Self to me.  I first became aware of it through my own children when they were small.  I heard them being nasty to each other one day and realised with horror that they sounded exactly like their parents and had learned it from us both.  That's probably the day I really started waking up from my long sleep in unconsciousness.  I had a lot of work to do and no idea how to do it but in the 20 years since then a lot has changed in my world because I have chosen to wake up to who I truly am underneath the fears of my ego.

I used to judge people in my mind and my speech as lazy, gossips, liars, abusers. Idiots, addicts, stupid, bossy, narcissistic, hopeless, nasty.  On and I went for years until I used a process to uncover the fact that I was really only seeing me and not loving it.  I was unable then to acknowledge, own or love those things in myself so I drew them to me and judged others until I could.

About 12 years ago I heard a phrase which I found extremely helpful in so many situations since.  Whenever I have an unpleasant reaction of ANY kind to ANYthing at all, I say in my mind: "There's something about you I just don't like about me".  I speak out my feeling: "I feel afraid, anxious, sad, angry, etc right now and it's okay to just feel that way.  Where can I feel that energy in my body?  How do I want to release that trapped energy from my body?  (Cry, stamp, yell, scream, breathe it out).  When was the first time I ever felt it? Who did I blame for the feeling then?  How am I doing that to myself or others now?  Can I forgive myself for that and recognise that people from my past have reflected this back to me so I can wake up to it?

This was not an easy process at first.  I thought I was mad for even thinking of it and so I drew to me people and circumstances that supported my belief that it couldn't work.  So many people challenging me on it and I reacted in old, programmed ways but, each time I managed to find my trail to what felt right inside me.  It felt 'right' to hold onto this belief and practice as much as I could so over time, it began to come more easily and I believed in it (and myself) more.  This had the gorgeous impact of lessening the number of challenges I needed to draw to me.  Why did I need challenges though?  I mean, who on earth would choose to have their beliefs challenged?  For me, when I was challenged, I felt an urge to defend my position and in perceiving it all as mirrors and reflections, it really was myself that I had to and was convincing all along.  The other people and experiences I felt challenged by were simply gifts to help me find my own line in the sand.  These challenges helped me decide on many levels whether or not to trust myself or let go of the belief and take up another.  They have provided me with a life-laboratory if you like, a way of quantifying my gut feeling.

This process is a work in progress as I am and I often forget to go through every step but, as I get more experienced and sure, the challenges have increased.  Now I'm positive it works for me so I will continue using it while it feels right for me.

Life is learning and I love it, I hope you follow your heart too and do what feels 'right' for you.

xxjxx