Eric Berne, who created Transactional Analysis (TA), said that at any given moment, each of us operates from an ego state or energy state and that we can have hundreds if not thousands of these energy states within. He said that we all have Parent, Child and Adult Ego states.
Over time I have learned that these states can be associated or dissociated, i.e., owned or disowned, accepted or denied by our conscious mind. That there can be adaptations of each state to get through life with the optimum success within the context of our own experiences. These adapted parts of ourselves eventually become maladaptive so where they once were helpful, they end up destructive and often addicted too. There are even theories that personality disorders are manifestations of these ego/energy states and are very manageable over time. Please ensure if you have a diagnosed disorder that you work with your own health professional as it is usually very unsafe trying to do it alone.
I once identified as having a personality disorder and allowed myself to use antidepressants and therapy to support myself in beginning to address it and heal. Over a period of 12 years I became aware of 46 very distinct ego states within my psyche and although at first I thought I was a freak and felt terrified that I was probably insane, I came to learn very differently. Now I see it as such a positive.
It did require an incredible amount of work, tears, loss, pain and sacrifice. It also helped me to learn about energy. To become aware of each state within me, I had to recognise and acknowledge the energy first. I had to stop and notice where that energy sat in my body, how it felt, sounded, looked, seemed. How old I felt in that energy, what feelings I felt in that energy, did that energy have a label or name? Over time I learned to love each one unconditionally which is amazing for me. Having once been terrified of anger I now have compassion for it and for people prone to its energy. All of those different aspects of my ego have taught me so much, particularly to love my self unconditionally.
As tiny children we cannot control whether or not our ego will adapt by disowning pieces of itself or adopting alternate states of being. If the brain perceives a threat to body or ego, it will do whatever it has to in order to preserve at all costs. It cannot rationalize or feel feelings in this moment. There is no empathy or 'other' in this moment, there is only immediate survival. If these types of situations occur repeatedly before the age of 3 and particularly if the trauma is 'interpersonal' or it is 'betrayal trauma', there is a higher chance the ego will 'split' off and create a new energy state or 'identity' to survive what the core psyche could not.
Before the age of 3, the ego has not 'grounded' into the brain and so we each absorb the energies of our physical world, particularly strong or important energies in our lives. This absorption supports the development of our own ego, and is one of the reasons it's vital to monitor and restrict television viewing habits for toddlers, E.g. If one of the strong energies in our life is unpredictable a lot, our ego will absorb that energy as normal and I will either overtly or covertly adopt that energy too. This can manifest later as a constant need for chaos as I have absorbed some of the energy of unpredictability and so my brain feels 'safe' with that energy. Our brains are designed to feel safer with energy it already knows and will recreate the energies it feels safest with in survival situations for years afterwards.
One of the pitfalls of absorbing energy for toddlers is that if it happens often, it becomes 'normal' and over time it may become maladaptive and habitual. A child may have needed to creat a whole new persona (energy state) to survive being sexually abused by a parent for years but, at 15, 30 or even 70 years of age, the ego may still be creating and/absorbing new energies for less necessary reasons, such as when watching a really sad or very funny movie. In psychiatric terms this is called 'switching'. It is simply the ego 'switching' the energy dial to a position the brain (without conscious thought) believes will be better suited to the current moment.
We can address these tendencies by using tools to bring our energy into our conscious awareness which balances out the autonomic nervous system.
In survival, our sympathetic nervous system is activated to ensure we can fight or flight the danger. Once the danger has passed, the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in so we can rest and digest, repair and maintenance. The parasympathetic is like the brake on a car. We need this working well if we want our brain to 'idle' at all, which we do if we want to be healthy and happy. The most helpful tools for this are meditation, visualisation, grounding, mindfulness, singing, playing a musical instrument, walking, light exercise and sleep.
I now personally have the amazing experience of having 'integrated' my ego so my energy is much more grounded and I'm consciously aware of it. This has come about through mindfulness, releasing the trapped energy in my body around traumatic memories, meditation, support and self love. I now have one Inner Child that I parent lovingly so I can be an adult in the world. Thanks Eric Berne for a very helpful and healing breakthrough.
At+Onement
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