18 Nov 2016

Transactional re-parenting


When my children were teenagers I was suddenly faced with the heartbreaking knowledge that it was impossible for me to protect them from every horror in life.  I realised in that moment that they would likely experience pain, sadness, fear and even horror and that I was powerless to prevent it at all.  For a brief moment I dipped into the feelings of powerlessness and terror that I had become so accustomed to but then something else rose up within me.  I hugged my Child self and reminded me that adults always have power so there must be at least one thing I could do for my kids.  I chose Love as my one thing.  I recognised that all I can ever hope to do for my kids is to love them.  When they inevitably face the trials of their own journey through life, the biggest help I can offer is to be an island of love in the storm.  

I own that as a parent I assisted in some of the storms my kids faced and that may continue.  The love I have for them has been devoted and pure since before they were born and they have been one of the biggest motivators for me in improving myself.  I have learned so much from loving these amazing beings and I know they are divine blessings in my life, even when I may not agree with them or appreciate the lessons they bring me.  It's not always easy to remember that lessons are blessings but it's getting easier.  This love for my children and the lessons they have brought me have expanded my heart and my consciousness beyond imagination and there has been another surprise bonus:  they have taught me how to re-parent myself with love too.

Learning to re-parent myself with love, joy and nurturing has been intense and fulfilling for this past 12 years.  This past week especially I have again been reflecting on the parallels of parenting me compared to parenting my kids.  I recognise that I cannot protect my Inner Child from every conceivable pain and experience, and to try would be rescuing aka disempowering.  Just like my kids, I need to have experiences in order to grow and learn too.  I know that what I can be for my Inner Child is an island of Love; a shelter from the storms; a refuge after the deluge of life has passed; a retreat to lick her wounds and find safety in my arms; a heart filled with compassion and understanding.

The transactional ego model gets judged by those who are not destined to use it for their growth but for me it has transformed my entire life and every relationship for the better.  Knowing when I'm rebelling, rescuing, criticising or wounded, in wonder or nurturing is so helpful to me raising my awareness of me and all of creation.  I feel blessed to simply have the knowledge but applying it is miraculous for me and I appreciate my Self for that determined application too.

My Inner Child needs me to stand strong and be the strength I know I can be to keep the Light of Love burning inside.  Individuality is the key to growth and I'm ready to embrace mine as a strength now because I finally Love my Inner Child, my Self more than anything else.  Now I'm off to find some joy.

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