The journey to humility has brought many Teachers into my lifetime.  Each had their own style of teaching that reflected back to me, something I was unaware of in myself.  I've had Teachers who helped me surrender through fear, terror, hopelessness and more.  It took me a very long time to see their gifts to me at all and then to see my own gifts as well.  There are three Teachers though who taught me to surrender through Unconditional Love.  Through my devotion to them, I surrendered without even knowing I was surrendering.  The first of these Teachers was my son.

When I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant with my son, I began to expand more consciously into life.  I began to question myself and my motives.  I began to consciously explore what my perception of love truly was.  I felt scared that my love was conditional, unfair in some way to my baby.  I didn't want to have a baby just to fill a need of my own.  I wanted to simply bring life into the world and to feel grateful for the honour of doing it.  I wanted to always remember what a gift it is to be granted such an honour as giving life and raising the next generation.  When my son was born, I arranged my whole world around him in surrender to the wisdom of life.  I was rewarded with confidence, groundedness, expansion, joy and a new love for life.  The joy of consciously surrendering my will to the will of a powerless baby was rejuvenating and life-affirming.  It was something I really needed by then and I flourished in offering service to the Divine in such a loving, devoted way.  I even began learning by osmosis, how to take better care of myself.  My body rejected everything unnatural and I heaved at even the smell of sugar so my own nutrition improved overnight!

When my daughter came three years later I was more than happy to surrender again.  What I didn't know at the time was how controlling I really was so it was more of a struggle to surrender this time.  I had been so at peace when my son was born that he reflected back complete peace to me.  My poor baby girl came when I was screaming inside for love and safety and she reflected that back to me.  As I had no idea about soul mirrors or reflecting, I just clung to the hopelessness I felt at not being able to comfort her.  I certainly didn't know how to meet my own needs then either.  Deciding that I was the problem, I went back to work and surrendered some of the care to their father too.  It was really hard but eventually I learned to accept I was not the only person who loved my kids devotedly.  I didn't know then either that my future path would be to leave my kids before any of us felt ready to be so tragically separated.

When they were 10 and 13 I found myself so completely destroyed that it was becoming dangerous for me to be near my kids.  I became suicidal for months and almost didn't survive.  I chose to surrender to my love for them once again and get away from them completely.  It was that Love that drove me for the next two years to do whatever it took and to humble myself in whatever way I could so I could reunite with my beloved babies.  I had no way to call them, no money, I was 1000kms away and for three months, I even lived in my small car.  I legally surrendered all that I had ever owned to the children's father so they would be cared for and have a home.  Every day was a tremendous and painful lesson in humility and surrender.  That's when a new Teacher appeared in my life and taught me again the joy of surrendering through Love.

I'm now married to that Teacher and every day still I learn more about surrender.  In the safety of Unconditional Love I have been able to learn the true joy of service through devotion as an adult, an equal.  I have learned the life-giving importance of self-love along the way and how impossible it is to love someone else unconditionally if I hate myself.  I've learned the little things in life are big things and the things I thought were big are really quite little.  I've learned the importance of speaking up and of keeping quiet, of discernment and of surrender.  My kids taught me how to surrender and now I'm learning why to surrender. It has nothing to do with submission and everything to do with loving life itself.  In our relationship, my husband and I share responsibility.  We take 100% responsibility for ourselves and support each other when needed.  We ebb and flow together like a tidal pool and we know how to surrender our ego in the moment to meet each other in the field of authentic love we have both created and cultivated together.  We have learned that anger ultimately comes purely from fear and we each take responsibility for our own emotional needs before coming together to nurture each other and discuss what we need to discuss.  We don't agree on everything, and in fact we often disagree but we respect each other too.  We have both learned a lot in this life about unnecessary fear being projected onto others and we choose to Teach each other through Unconditional positive regard.  The greatest thing about our relationship is how much it helps us both to learn more effective ways of being with other people too.  We've both learned more patience, love, determination, peace, humility and surrender just by loving each other.

My Teachers are phenomenal, even the ones who taught me through fear and terror.  I thank each of them for the love their Souls have afforded me in this life and I look forward to meeting the Teachers I have yet to meet.

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ॐ ॐ ॐॐ ॐ ॐ

lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

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