💐💐judgment💐💐

Judging others is too easy. I have judged others my entire life and always managed to create reasons to judge - almost as if I can't accept anyone without judgment. I lived most of my life believing I was non-judgmental and then one day my eyes opened and I was mortified at what I saw in myself. I was horrible! I judged everyone and everything based on unrealistic expectations I had created in my own mind. I guess on some level it was self preservation but I feel ashamed of how hurtfully I thought of others. I know it came from fear that I wasn't good enough and I am not like that anymore but I haven't forgotten that I once was like that. I hope I never forget it because remembering it is what makes me try so hard to change for the better and stop trying to find fault and instead look for the good and the soul in everyone. These days, if a judgment creeps in, I notice it, change it and look at what that person is mirroring to me about me. I am not perfect, nor do I need to be. I am the same as everyone else in the way that counts most - I want to be happy, hmmmm, is that a judgment too? I think so, I mean, how do I know EVERYone wants to be happy? I don't know it.

Each night, I say 'The Lords Prayer' and it helps me sleep. Months ago, as I prayed, I really noticed the words I was uttering..."forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". I used to think this was "forgive us OUR trespasses as we FORGIVE those who trespass against us". Now, I think it is "forgive us our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE those who trespass against us". Same thing right? No. Before, I accepted the line was all about me and about me being forgiven. Now I believe it is me asking to receive the same forgiveness that I extend to others, therefore if I cannot forgive, may I be also unforgiven; if I judge others, I ask that I be judged with the same rule. It is me inviting God, karma, the universe to walk in the shoes of another to understand them and to know what it is like to be judged by my own shallow, fear based tenets. This belief has made me more aware and more focused to stop blaming, picking, whinging, being intolerant and being isolated. I want to love! Unconditionally and without reserve - love. Because I want it, I can achieve it.

Onwards and upwards

xxjxx

For my mother -with love

Dear Mum
I have fully intended to tell you this to your face but I don't want to wait and I want to acknowledge you now, publicly and permanently. I have done a lot of soul searching that has been way overdue. I have learned how to feel my feelings and express them in a healthy way and I have discovered a lot about myself and the world that I did not know.

Along the way, I had one, small hope - that one day, I could love you freely and without pain. That day is now! I love you unconditionally Mum! I have finally let go of the hurt, pain, fear and anger that I had attached to you and I now need to say to you: I am sorry.

I have caused you pain in my pain and I am not proud of that at all. I was so blinded by my pain that I could not see my self or you as we really are - two people doing the best we can with what we've been given. I am sorry for any pain I have ever caused you because that is not who I want to be. Now that I know who I do want to be, I want to thank you for the lessons and acknowledge what you have given me. You have gifted me with many things and I'm not sure I know all of what they are yet but to start off:

Thank you for:
* the gift of love - for loving me as I am and somehow having the patience for me to grow up.
* the gift of pain - for without this, I would not appreciate joy so much
* the gift of faith - you taught me to question everything which means I now have an honest, adult relationship with God, a gift worth more than any treasure.
* the gift of attention - to pay attention to everything and not ignore the details.
* the gift of determination - that my resolve is as strong as I want it to be.
* the gift of empathy - now that I can empathise with you, I can truly love.
* the gift of receiving - I can finally receive love without shame because I can now feel loved
* the gift of music - you helped me develop the eclectic taste that feeds my soul like breath
* the gift of self doubt - my ego stands no chance to take over
* the gift of patience - I can wait an eternity for the things that matter most
* the gift of perception - I've realised that nothing ever changes but my perceptions needs to change constantly
* the gift of flexibility - doing things differently produces different results
* the gift of D.I.D - I cannot fathom yet just how amazingly my brain works, but I like it :-)
* the gift of tears - they release stress and work like toner on the skin, double bonus
* the gift of creativity - particularly with money, having so little means I've learned to work magic
* the gift of compassion - you may not know how you taught me but you did
* the gift of silence - golden, precious, and very healing
* the gift of solitude - left alone to find my way
* the gift of prayer - so many prayers and so much time with God
* the gift of humility - there is no empowerment when someone else gets hurt
* the gift of forgiveness - it is not for me to judge you.

Thank you Mum, for these gifts and many more. I have reached the place I've been striving to be, where I can be thankful that you above all others are and were my mother. The place where I can be grateful for the lessons, however they were taught and move onto the next stage - joy, service and forgiving myself for hurting you in my pain. I love you Mum.

Letting go

For 35 years, I never 'felt' angry. I found out what anger was then and realised I had always been angry-simmering cauldron of resentment, fear, intolerance, judgmentalism, scorn, envy, sadness, loss, grief and rage. I had been suppressing anger since birth and it was literally working like poison inside me.

Since the (8years), I have learned how to feel anger and release it from me. I have spent hundreds of hours screaming, smashing, crying and praying and I find now it is hard for me to stay angry for more than a few minutes.

I believe my anger comes from fear and the more I work through that, the less anger I have.

xxjxx

The journey to being love

I have learned to accept compliments. I am no longer averse to being complimented. I no longer need to minimise or deflect compliments. I also am no longer dependent on compliments to feed my soul and make me feel good. I try to come from a heart space in every possible moment and although it is actually something I believe impossible for anyone to do every waking moment, I try, without feeling I need to do it perfectly or even close to perfectly. I know my intent is pure and my effort is great, the achievement means little to me in comparison.

I want to BE love. It is my goal, my purpose, my pledge. It is my promise - the gift I give myself. It is not enough for me to proclaim, profess, preach, ponder or pontificate over love. It is not enough for me to protest or procrastinate. I want to practice and perceive love in as many moments as possible - to be an open, willing, receptive conduit for pure, innocent, unconditional love

I do not see how it would be possible without humility. I do not believe I am any better than anyone else. I believe that we each and all have amazing, unique, gifts and talents to bring to this world. I don't believe I am lesser that anyone else either, although this took me longer to get to. I have learned that human beings need 'strokes', transactions (communications, words, behaviours, etc) that provide the psyche with stimuli. I have also learned that I need that more from within than from without and that if I meet my own needs in that, I can more easily accept what is and find my bliss. I am finding more and more that happiness comes to me more easily when I expect no praise or recognition for who I am or what I do. I am who I am and I am becoming more okay with that each day.

I regularly ask myself two questions:
1. Is this the me I want to be?
2. If I died today and God asked me, "are you happy with the way things ended?"

I want to say "yes!!!"

If the answer to either of those is no, I start reflecting on why and then I make changes. I decided long ago that I want to answer yes to both of those questions -that saying yes is really, important to me when I ask myself those questions. This is what makes it easier for me to walk the path towards being love because I am doing what I love by being who I am and by not judging others for doing what they do or being who they are. I like the me I am and I don't need approval from anyone to be able to BE love.

Wow!! What a journey life is!!

xxjxx

The Power of Positivity

I remember, sometimes with sadness, how negative and pessimistic I used to be. I was given a book by my chiropractor called 'Learned Optimism' by Martin Seligman and although I really loved it, I couldn't fathom how anyone could be positive about anything. I literally could not get my head around it at all. It was a blessing because it made me start to wonder. It made me start to question my own beliefs and values. It took me a long time to begin to even grasp the concept of optimism.

That was over 15 years ago and although I am far from perfect, (and I know I don't need to be), I feel extremely positive and optimistic in any given moment. I believe it is my faith that has got me to where I am. I had such huge trust issues before and now I am learning to trust God, I feel so differently about things. I no longer feel the need (or the responsibility) to control things. I believe now, that I can get through anything. I can (and do) encourage others. I can love me and others too. I can 'let go'. I can accept things as they are with calm in my heart and, I can recognise very quickly when I slip back into negativity and pessimism and choose to change it whenever I want.

I'm not sure how anyone put up with me back then, I imagine I would have been like a black hole, sucking energy from every source. Now I can feel the Light inside and around me and I love how it feels.

Onwards and upwards eh?

xxjxx

Violence has many faces

I wrote the below story back in 2009. I have continued healing since then. I eventually received compensation for one count of historic sexual abuse that I suffered as a 7 year old. The other 35 years of torment have remained unrecognised by the law and I'm okay. Recently, I found real peace within myself -I found forgiveness. I have not, and may not ever, forget what I went through, I have merely released all of the energy around it, come to an understanding of why and how and chosen to let it go instead. I feel incredibly strong and sure that I have made this choice and I have prayed for those people too. I'm working on not calling it abuse any more, not because its not abuse-it is-and it needs to stop happening in this world. No, I want to call it 'trauma' instead of abuse because I don't want to blame. I know it may offend some people and I feel sad about that. This is me growing up and thriving; taking responsibility for what I think and say; having compassion and being loving. I am not the victim of an abusive childhood. I am a student in the school of life who wants to stop judging and blaming and start living, breathing, thriving and loving and, with forgiveness comes the freedom to do just that.

Onwards and upwards

xxjxx
_____________________________________________________________________________________

When I first considered applying for Victims of Crime Compensation, I believed I was doing it for validation. I know that welfare officers visited my home when I was a child and yet, abuse still happened, a lot of abuse. I did not feel any need for revenge or vengeance, I still don’t. What happened, happened, and I am not going to tarnish my own soul with revenge or deliberately causing others pain. I merely wanted the authorities to validate that what happened to me and my younger brother & sister was abuse and should not be allowed to go unacknowledged as such.

Sadly, it seems I will never receive that validation. I know now that I validate it for myself – what happened to me was wrong – W R O N G!!!!!! I have support from wonderful people (finally) and I am healing from the effects that abuse has had on my brain and my life. It has been three years since I first discussed this compensation with my solicitor and I have no idea what the outcome will be. On top of the extensive free counseling I have been receiving from my local womens’ health centre, I also received 22 hrs with a clinical psychologist through the Victims of Crime board, which I wholly appreciate and it helped tremendously. My gripe is with the criminal justice systems in this country.

As my abuses happened in two states, I have had to lodge claims in both states. One claim has been lodged in NSW and is proceeding.
The other claim had to be lodged in Victoria and to do that, I had to make a statement to police (something that does not have to be done in NSW). Upon providing a lengthy statement, I was informed that the abuses by my mother were considered to be mostly psychological, verbal & emotional and therefore the police were not going to investigate. The abuses by my ex-husband were committed against me when I was an adult and so that would not be investigated either.

These two people horribly abused me repeatedly for over 35 years and according to our justice system it’s okay. Even the Victorian solicitor I found was uninterested in my application.

I still feel some shame and embarrassment that I did not know it was abuse until I escaped it. I believed I was just simply crazy and unable to be a healthy, sane person. I thought there was something wrong with me for not being able to ‘get over it’ all. I suppose on some level I was right. They seriously screwed up my head and I can’t even guess how many more years of counselling I might need to be free of their crap. I started healing 5 years ago and, at first, I saw my counsellor every day of the week! I couldn’t get through 1 single day without breaking down! I did self awareness and support groups at the same time and I lived and breathed everything I learned. It has been no picnic and I still need anti-depressant medication to moderate my moods. I also believe I have a form of D.I.D. – Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Although at first I was terrified of what that may mean for me, I now feel less shame over some past experiences. During my last psychotic episodes, I kept telling people (and shrinks) that I felt like I had no control over myself, that I did not want to doo what I was doing but felt powerless to stop it at all. I wasn’t making it up, I felt completely out of control and I was terrified. I was hurting myself and trying to kill myself but I di not want to consciously. It just seemed to be a compulsion of some kind and even, at times, I was mesmerized by it in some way. I don’t know how that sounds but it scared the crap out of me for ages and I was ashamed about it for even longer. At least now, I can start coming to terms with it and learn how to make sure it doesn’t happen any more. Right now, I’m feeling angry and bitter about the compensation thing. I feel as if the Victorian legal system is saying that what happened to me was not really abuse.

My mother tried to kill me on more than one occasion. She bashed me with hoses, electrical cords, curtain rods, brooms, lumps of wood and whatever else she could lay her hands on in a fit of rage. She smacked my head into the clothesline, into a wall, made my nose bleed, tried to strangle me with her bare hands and that is just the tip of the iceberg. As well as being battered and abused myself, I had to watch and was often held responsible for the beating and abuse suffered by my younger siblings. I don’t know how we survived but it has left deep and terrible scars inside us all and some may never heal. I believe we were abused. I was abused and I grew up to marry an alcoholic. After about the first 2 months with him, I actually knew I would be miserable if I staid but I believed in my heart that I had been born to suffer and that leaving him was only avoiding fate. I had no idea of love or healthy relationships – I’d never seen one! I kept telling myself for 10 years that even though he seemed to despise me, had no obvious respect for me and spoke to me like I was garbage, yelled at me and called me names, he hadn’t hit me so it couldn’t really be abuse. Then he did hit me and refuses to this day to acknowledge that it even might have happened. I knew what rape was from advertising though and that was happening but again, as it seemed no-violent (most of the time) I just thought I was being stupid. Now though, I feel disgusted that any criminal justice system in the 21st century could know the full details of it all and deny it to be named as abusive.

I had hoped that the world is becoming a better place and I feel sure it is. But when will Australia really wake up and protect it’s citizens from violence? When will we realize that children are the fountain of youth and they are the ones who will be the lawmakers one day. Are we wanting them to have no compassion? Do we want our children to learn that violence is okay as long as you only hurt those who live with you and depend upon you for survival? That is what we have been teaching kids and they are excellent learners. Childhood trauma and abuse effects brain development and causes lifelong problems for individuals, families and communities – for the whole country and the whole world.

Only by standing up and telling stories like mine can we ever hope to make anyone take notice; to change laws and societal thinking. I, for one, am gonna shout from the rooftops, everywhere I go. I’m a survivor of childhood trauma and it has stuffed up my life and the lives of my children.

VIOLENCE AND ABUSE HAS TO STOP NOW !!!!!!!!

Man of steel

I feel very grateful for the opportunity to talk about my granddad this morning, to share with another man the eternal gift my granddad gave me for life - unconditional love. I am very lucky. I had 2 grandparents who loved me because I was me and no behaviour or mistake I made ever changed that love. I am far from perfect but they were never even disappointed in me, no matter what. They just loved me and accepted that I was me. I never felt any pressure to be any more than who I am with them and it was easy to be loving, kind, genuine and respectful with them because they showed me, in their own attitudes and behaviours, role modelled for me so I would know and learn. They were my godparents at baptism and although they were not religious or even church-going, they showed me the way to God through their love. My granddad was a man of steel. He did not roar or argue. He did not shout or fight. He stood his ground and he deliberated. He had infinite patience and tremendous love and he was fair. Many in my family feared his displeasure and tip-toed around, warning others to 'behave' or else but I always looked for (and found) the twinkle in his eyes that told me he was not angry, not solemn, usually teasing. I could tell that sometimes their anxiety and silliness got to him but he would just leave the room and do something he enjoyed. He'd come back later and there would be no sign of anything but his usual peace and calm. He was a man of steel and a man of love and I wish he were here so I could ask him how he did it but I know him- he would smile and say " don't let it get to ya honey, you just worry about you and let them worry about them" . I love you granddad and I still miss you every day.

xxjxx

Emmet Fox

FROM THE PEN OF EMMET FOX

"All day long the thoughts that occupy your mind, your secret place
as Jesus calls it, are molding your destiny for good or evil; in fact,
the truth is that the whole of our life's experience is but the outer
expression of inner thought."



LOVE

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem...it makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world. Emmet Fox



The Golden Key



Scientific prayer will enable you to get yourself or anyone else, out of any difficulty. It is the golden key to harmony and happiness.

To those who have no acquaintance with the mightiest power in existence, this may appear to be a rash claim, but it needs only a fair trial to prove that, without a shadow of doubt, it is a just one. You need take no one's word for it, and you should not. Simply try it for yourself.

God is omnipotent, and we are God's image and likeness and have dominion over all things. This is the inspired teaching, and it is intended to be taken literally, at its face value. The ability to draw on this power is not the special prerogative of the mystic or the saint, as is so often supposed, or even of the highly trained practitioner. Everyone has this ability Whoever you are, wherever you may be, the golden key to harmony is in your hand now. This is because in scientific prayer it is God who works, and not you, and so your particular limitations or weaknesses are of no account in the process. You are only the channel through which the divine action takes place, and your treatment will be just the getting of yourself out of the way.

Beginners often get startling results the first time, for all that is essential is to have an open mind and sufficient faith to try the experiment. Apart from that, you may hold any views on religion, or none.

As for the actual method of working, like all fundamental things, it is simplicity itself. All you have to do is this: Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead. This is the complete rule, and if only you will do this, the trouble, whatever it is, will disappear. It makes no difference what kind of trouble it is. It may be a big thing or a little thing: it may concern health, finance, a lawsuit, a quarrel, an accident, or anything else conceivable: but whatever it is, stop thinking about it and think of God instead -- that is all you have to do.

It could not be simpler, could it? God could scarcely have made it simpler, and yet it never fails to work when given a fair trial.

Do not try to form a picture of God, which is impossible. Work by rehearsing anything or everything that you know about God. God is wisdom, truth, inconceivable love. God is present everywhere, has infinite power, knows everything, and so on. It matters not how well you may think you understand these things: go over them repeatedly.

But you must stop thinking of the trouble, whatever it is. The rule is, to think about God. If you are thinking about your difficulty, you are not thinking about God. To be continually glancing over your shoulder in order to see how matters are progressing is fatal, because it is thinking of the trouble, and you must think of God and nothing else. Your object is to drive the thought of the difficulty out of your consciousness, for a few moments at least, substituting for it the thought of God. This is the crux of the whole thing. If you can become so absorbed in this consideration of the spiritual world that you forget for a while about the difficulty, you will find that you are safely and comfortably out of your difficulty -- that your demonstration is made.

In order to "golden key" a troublesome person or a difficult situation, think. "Now 1 am going to 'golden key' John, or Mary. or that threatened danger": then proceed to drive all thought of John, or Mary, or the danger out of your mind, replacing it with the thought of God.

By working in this way about a person, you are not seeking to influence his conduct in any way, except that you prevent him from injuring or annoying you, and you do him nothing but good. Thereafter, he is certain to be in some degree a better, wiser, and more spiritual person, just because you have "golden keyed" him. A pending lawsuit or other difficulty would probably fade out harmlessly without coming to a crisis, justice being done to all parties concerned.

If you find that you can do this very quickly, you may repeat the operation several times a day with intervals between. Be sure, however, each time you have done it, that you drop all thought of the matter until the next time. This is important.

We have said that the golden key is simple, and so it is, but of course it is not always easy to turn. If you are very frightened or worried, at first it may be difficult to get your thoughts away from material things. But by constantly repeating a statement of absolute Truth, such as: There is no power but God: I am the child of God, filled and surrounded by the perfect peace of God: God is love; God is guiding me now; or, perhaps best and simplest of all. God is with me -- however mechanical or trite it may seem -- you will soon find that the treatment has begun to "take." And that your mind is clearing. Do not struggle violently; be quiet, but insistent. Each time you find your attention wandering, switch it back to God.

Do not try to think in advance what the solution to your difficulty will be. This is called "outlining" and will only delay the demonstration. Leave the question of ways and means to God. You want to get out of your difficulty that is sufficient. You do your half, and God will never fail to do God's.

"Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved" (Acts 2:21). Emmet Fox


The Story of how the Golden Key came into being can be read in "Emmet Fox His Life Story"





FIFTEEN POINTS

I Am Really In Truth:

If - I always look for the best in each person, situation and thing.

If - I resolutely turn my back on the past, good or bad and live only in the present & future

If - I forgive everybody without exception, no matter what he may have done; and if I then forgive MYSELF whole-heartedly.

If - I regard my job as sacred and do my day's work to the best of my ability (whether I like it or not).

If - I take every means to demonstrate a healthy body and harmonious surroundings for myself.

If - I endeavor to make my life of as much service to others as possible, without interfering or fussing.

If - I take every opportunity wisely to spread the knowledge of Truth to others.

If - I rigidly refrain from personal criticism, and neither speak nor listen to gossip.

If - I devote at least a quarter of an hour a day to prayer and meditation.

If - I read at least seven verses of the Bible everyday.

If - I specifically claim spiritual understanding of myself every day.

If - I train myself to give the first thought on waking to God.

If - I speak the Word for the whole world every day, say at noon.

If - I PRACTICE, the Golden Rule of Jesus instead of merely admiring it. He said, "Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." The important point about the Golden Rule is that I am to practice it whether the other fellow does so or not.

If - above all, I understand that whatever I see is but a picture which can be changed for the better by Scientific Prayer.

If you want to demonstrate ask yourself once a week how far you are observing these points in your life. Emmet Fox






WHAT IS SCIENTIFIC PRAYER?



Scientific prayer or spiritual treatment is really the lifting of your consciousness above the level where you have met your problem. If only you can rise high enough in thought, the problem will the solve itself. This is really the only problem you have - to raise in consciousness. The more "difficult," which means the more deeply rooted in your thoughts, is the problem concerned, the higher you will have to rise. What is called a small trouble, will yield to a slight raise in consciousness. What is called a serious difficulty, will require a relatively higher rise. What is called a terrible danger or hopeless problem, will require a considerable rise in consciousness to overcome it - but that is the only difference.

Do not waste time trying to straighten out your own or other people's problems by manipulating thought - that gets you nowhere - but raise your consciousness, and the action of God will do the rest.

Jesus healed sick people and reformed many sinners by raising his consciousness above the picture they presented. He controlled the wind and the waves in the same way. He raised the dead because he was able to get as high in consciousness as is necessary to do this.

To raise your consciousness you must positively withdraw your attention from the picture for the time being (The Golden Key) and then concentrate gently upon spiritual truth. You may do this by reading the Bible or any spiritual book that appeals to you, by going over any hymn or poem that helps you in this way, or by the use of one or more affirmations, just as you like.

I know many people who have secured the necessary elevation of consciousness by browsing at random through the Bible. A man I know was saved in a terrible shipwreck by quickly reading the 91st psalm. Another man healed himself of a supposedly hopeless disease by working on the one affirmation, "God Is Love," until he was able to realize something of what that greatest of all statements must really mean.

If you work with affirmations, be careful not to get tense; but there is no reason why you should not employ all these methods in turn, and also any others that you can think of. Sometimes a talk with a spiritual person gives you just the lift that you need. It matters not how you rise so long as you do rise. "I bore you on eagles' wings, and brought you unto myself." Emmet Fox



NOW I SPEAK THE WORD

(paraphrased)

God is Infinite Life. God is Boundless Love. God is Infinite Intelligence.

God is Unfathomable Wisdom. God is Unspeakable Beauty.

God is Unchanging Principle of Perfect Good. God is the Soul of man.

I am the image and likeness of God, and I have the power of the Word.

When I speak the Word, it goes forth and cannot return void.

It accomplishes the thing whereunto I send it.

That word goes forth charged with the power of God.

Now I speak the Word. I invoke the power of the Healing Christ,

and I say that the full power of God is now awakened in me,

filling my soul with peace and life and joy.

God is Light, and that Light fills my soul. Emmet Fox







NOW IS THE ACCEPTED TIME

God's time for my demonstration is NOW

The time God wants me to be healed is NOW

The time God wants me to be prosperous is NOW

The time God wants love in my life is NOW

The time God wants me to raise my consciousness is NOW

The time God wants me to be in my True Place is NOW.

There is nothing to wait for except the change of my own consciousness. Emmet Fox

A peaceful resolution to hostility

I learned at an early age that pain can come from many sources, that fighting would bring more pain. I quickly learned to yield and cower and that brought more pain too. I was silenced, beaten and hopeless and then....one day I simply stood my ground and waited for it all to pass. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. Blows raining down, trembling in fear, hopeless and terrified and I suddenly resolved to stand tall, to take what came and face it full on. I looked the other person in the eye, held back the flood of tears and......it got momentarily worse and then.....it stopped. Suddenly, amazingly, it stopped. I was so surprised and elated, I almost whooped with joy and alone afterwards I basked in my excitement. I won, I changed it!

I was a child then and it was my first taste of choice and of freedom. Over the decades since, I have learned that violence creates violence and violence is not just about actions, it is also about thoughts and feelings. What I think, feel, say and do is what I create for myself in this world. Believing this has made my life simple. It is not easy but it IS simple. When someone says something horrible or behaves cruelly, I pray that their hearts be filled with love and that their violence is not revisited upon them. I understand that they have learned differently and they too are doing the best they can...and I stand firm and reach in to my faith so that I may not stand alone. I ask for guidance and love and I receive it.

I have realised that trying to make anyone see what I see or believe what is real for me is an act of violence. Insisting and manipulating and berating and blaming, are acts of violence. I can say what I need to with conviction and courage and I can take a breath and wait when I need to. I can speak up and I can be silent and I can feel good about myself because I have been non-violent. I am not perfect and there is still much I need to do in this journey to peace. Ghandi and Mandela are wayshowers for me. They remind me that I need to be the change I want to see and if I am violent, I will attract violence to me.

So, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness, understanding, faith, love, hope, service, joy and patience are the signposts to the peace I long for and I will stand my ground, move forward and trust that I will continue down this road to glory with a peaceful, loving heart.

xxjxx

I'm gunna be a grandma

Although the picture is really grainy and out of focus, I am so proud of it. It is the first ever photo of one of my expected grandchildren. Both my son and my daughter are welcoming new lives into the world with their partners and I am elated and thrilled for them. Becoming a parent was the most amazing thing I ever did with my life and my kids are so amazing, I can't wait to see how incredible their kids will be. Wow! I'm gunna be a grandma!!