For so many years I lived with a microscopic level of control, censure, self-observance and fear, and now I'm loving and accepting myself, my guard is down (even with me), and that's scary.

I've always had a paranoid part of me watching every facial expression, listening to every word, observing every eye movement and body posture to increase the perception of safety within my terrified mind and now that I am aware of that and have surrendered it in my desire to be really real, all kinds of fears are surfacing.  I feel grateful that it's happening because if I'm feeling scared then I'm being real and that IS the goal after all.

Many of us put up these huge walls in childhood to keep our Souls safe from the harshness we perceive around us in the world.  There's nothing wrong with the walls and they do protect us for a time as we learn to exist in a body but, over time, the walls can come down again.  Once they're down we can love unconditionally.  Issues arise when the walls don't come down and we make them higher, stronger, more impenetrable.  Before long we are trapped behind them wondering why we can't feel anything or why we are so numb or, creating ways to make ourselves stay numb.  Our hearts shrivel and wither and we become angry, sad, depressed, bitter, resentful, afraid, alone and maybe even desperate.  We seek Light and Love but the walls block our view and eventually we even forget the walls are there and pretend that it's other people's walls that are the problem.

Bringing the walls down needs to happen brick by brick to allow compassion to guide us through.  Tearing walls down inside like a crazed demolition expert will be excrutiatingly painful and frightening for you and those you care about and, if you insist on doing this, ensure you have masses of professional and personal support as the ride will get very bumpy indeed.

Bringing the wall down brick by brick though, you get to know yourself and your reactions, you get to grow up again in a nurtured and loving way.  It's a chance to re-parent that infant inside who didn't understand before that the only Love we're really here to find is self-love.  That when we truly and unconditionally love and accept and cherish every aspect of our own being, we automatically love, accept and cherish everything and everyone else too.

I began tearing down my wall many years ago before I understood any of this and now I'm sifting through the remaining rubble and finding many precious and rare gems.  Brick by brick, I'm getting to know the Soul of who I am and it's an incredible and amazing experience.  I have unlimited courage and dedication to being the most real me that I can and I think you do too.

Onwards and upwards

Jhundi P