The Earth she is never dormant.  Breathing beneath us she works without pause to sustain and support life and form.  She grants sanctuary to all who seek it and makes no comparison nor plays favourites.  Deep within her bowels the force of life itself stirs hotly and fiercely, patiently awaiting release.  Fire and air creating water from steam and under pressure, more new earth.  Her most sacred wonders hide in cavernous glory beneath her surface, filled with beauty and abundance.  New life stirs within on its way to the strata above where form connects with form and life creates more life.  The umbilical cord of She reaches to all other life forms succouring at her bosom.  On to the scorched and barren wastes laid bare for wanderers to find their own True North as they open up their hearts to the majestic splendor of the heart of She, Earth as Mother, Daughter and Wisdom.  In Her heart creation receives its meaning and purpose. In Her heart life is cradled, cupped and caressed.  In Her heart all elements and senses can attune to Divinity and at-one-ment.  In Her heart is the chance to rise, grow, love, learn and pause, the chance to breathe and cherish the Self.  Rising again the call comes in with Her voice reverberating with our own, clear communication creating the most positive energy imaginable and a joyful tune ensues. The captain of this ship knows She, the Earth, has all in hand and the only real responsibility is to embrace Her and revel in Her provisions awaiting the final marriage of Spirit returning to Her feet.  As one, Earth, Spirit and Form is perfect and whole and timeless.  As one there is no more and no less.

June Parkin

https://www.facebook.com/JhundiP/posts/971595166249851:0

My inner child led me to make some changes to the way I fuel my body and it has been really easy to make the shift because it is what she wanted.  I learned many years ago that without my inner child's agreement I will not get far in too many things so I do ask first.

I stopped eating meat, chicken and fish as I had unrelenting dental pain and was unable to afford repeat trips to the dentist. I asked my inner child what would help and she said to stop eating meat.  I did and within 2 weeks all symptoms had gone.  I've now also cut out almost all animal products and bi-products too as well as coffee and sugar.  This has been to try and cool the fire inside that began heating me up last August.  I already knew that coffee and sugar activates the sympathetic nervous system.  I had cut back to 1 coffee p/day ages before and seen the evidence myself but I was not fully committed to change before.  It was the same with smoking.  I told myself that I had too much to deal with and needed the extra stimulants to do it.  Last August the smoking went too.

When I first met my inner child 12 years ago, I didn't really understand it.  It took 2 years for me to really connect but once I did, I was blown away.  I made her a promise to do whatever it takes to set her (me) free of all the pain I once carried inside.  I've kept my promise and healed not only emotional, spiritual and psychological scars but huge physical disabilities also.  My favourite excitement right now is that I have not had cluster headaches since 2014 and that makes me weep with joy.

A couple of nights ago my husband offered me a jam donut and I reasoned it wouldn't hurt as I have been so healthful with my nutrition since New Year's Day.  I was so stunned when I brought it to my mouth - it smelled awful!  It smelled like chemicals and as if it had no life!  I took a bite as I reasoned that if it tasted awful too, I would not ever feel like another one at all.  It tasted awful alright, so bad that I wondered how I had ever eaten them before and thought they tasted good.  It was a wonderful lesson and it is still teaching me days later too.  

Within an hour of eating that donut I began itching.  Within 24 hours I had blisters on my face, neck and shoulders and, they burned like cold sores. Now, three days later, they are like hives.  I know it was that donut.  The healthful way I've been living was to honour my nervous system and relieve it of the extreme pressure it's been under for my entire life.  Eating that donut was a fabulous way to really cement for me how much more I love my body now.  I love my new healthful lifestyle and my body and I will not put myself through this again.  I'm working through the emotional core of the problem and taking antihistamines for a couple of days to lovingly support my nervous system in regaining its composure again and I am so grateful to my body for the amazing way that it is leading me to life.  With such vibrancy and love in every thing and every moment, I could not imagine a greater blessing anymore.

Onwards and upwards

June Parkin

Yesterday marked a high point in my life, possibly the highest I have strived for.  Yesterday I was able to thank my mother for being my mother, for my childhood with her, for teaching me things that made my Soul grow.  

Although I used to blame my mother for the pain I experienced growing up and, in healing the pent up emotion inside me, blamed her some more, I've always held onto the belief that I would go beyond it.  I've prayed for years to be able to have even just one moment with my mother when the love in our hearts means more than any pain.  We've both experienced great suffering in our lives and have both been instruments of suffering for each other too.  

I've always believed on some level that my mother loves me.  I told myself that she didn't know how to love but I know now that was it was me and not her who didn't know how to love.

I wanted her (and everybody else) to love the way I do.  I wanted her to change.  I had no concept of how she could be mirroring what my Soul needed in order to grow.  Now I know, I can feel the truth of it in my being.  Now that I can see what my Soul has learned from her I feel so blessed and grateful that she, above all others, is my mother.  I have taken the pain of abuse and trauma and found the treasure buried within it and it feels so good to have that ability within me.

Thanks to my mother, I can see more love and beauty in my self and the world.  Thanks to her, I can appreciate so much that I may have taken for granted.  Thanks to my mother, I have an insatiable hunger to BE love.  Thanks to my mother I want to take long, slow breaths and savour the essence of life entering me.  I want to breathe in the love from life and breathe it back out to the world as more love.  With all of the faults I once perceived in my mother now clear in my heart, I see myself so much more clearly and lovingly and that is the greatest gift, to have self-love.

I've been through hell alright.  I've signed a lease, nested, made a home, had a housewarming and bought the whole farm in hell.  I even married it and celebrated anniversaries there.  Hell for me is self hatred.  It permeated everything and everyone.  It obscured my view, screwed with my head and enslaved my heart.  It poisoned me in ways I didn't know were possible and it brought abuse and trauma to me until I realised they were only reflections trying to wake me up.

Through learning self-love the pain is now all but gone.  Yesterday I was able to say a heartfelt thank you to my mother for her part in my life.  I do not need her to apologise, change or accept me at all.  I need to love myself and I do now so I don't need others to love me to feel good.  

My mother has u huge heart of gold and I've known this for a long time but have allowed pain to justify my refusal to accept it.  I've judged others for seeing her heart and not seeing what I wanted to see in her.  That is over now, now I see what my inner child told me was there all along.  Now that I love all of me, my light and my darkness, I can love others more fully too.  Now I am learning to see the Light within the Shadow of all and allow the shadows to fall away revealing the divine truth of oneness.

I have prayed for years to be able to see everyone and everything with eyes of love and now it's happening.  It's so incredible and exhilarating and I feel so blessed to even have moments of it.  I finally can accept that it's not childish or naive, it's the Soul, my Soul.  It's who I was born to be.

Thank you Mum, for being who my Soul needed you to be.  I Love you.

June Parkin 2016

Emotion is the energy created by our feelings.  Emotion needs motion, needs to move, to flow through us in order to be released in a healthy and helpful way.  Our brains and nervous systems physiologically depend on this.  We need this release for optimum health and healing.  Without this release, this 'flow', our nervous system goes into crisis and creates whatever attention it can to wake us up to the internal danger it is perceiving. Some of the ways our brain cries out are: anxiety, aggression, depression, illness, self harm, nagging, criticizing, bullying, behavioral issues, passivity, and much more.  This emotional flow is vital for our health on all levels.  All our brain is doing here is trying to 'reset' the nervous system and create an opportunity for touch.

The brain cannot distinguish between safe and unsafe touch, all it can do is crave what it needs and let us know.  Behaviours will escalate if the need is not fulfilled.  The next time you find yourself affected by one of these behaviors just try looking into your own eyes on a mirror or other reflective surface, say how you're feeling right then ("I feel anxious") and then let yourself know it's normal to have that feeling because it really is.  Then give yourself a hug, a hand massage, get someone else to hug you, even your dog or cat-get some safe touch and then, find a way to release that energy.

If you pay attention to the energy and notice where it is in your physical body, you can then help it release.  Walk it out, cry it out, punch a cushion, breathe it out like a dragon would, kick in a pool of water, star jumps.  Listen to your body and let it guide you instead of your head.  Your body is actually designed to let you know what it needs and it's trying really hard to do that.  

There is no reason to be a slave to our behaviour if we use the gifts of our body, mind and spirit together for our own highest good.

Onwards and upwards

June Parkin

For me, you are God in my life.

Whether you're a friend or a stranger matters not.

Every look, every smile, every hug, every word - you are God in my life.

I gratefully perceive and honour the Divine in you and through you.

I breathe in your Divinity as I expand into my own Divine self.

You are Divine to me and I pray that you see that in yourself too because.....

For me, you are God in my life.

For so many years I lived with a microscopic level of control, censure, self-observance and fear, and now I'm loving and accepting myself, my guard is down (even with me), and that's scary.

I've always had a paranoid part of me watching every facial expression, listening to every word, observing every eye movement and body posture to increase the perception of safety within my terrified mind and now that I am aware of that and have surrendered it in my desire to be really real, all kinds of fears are surfacing.  I feel grateful that it's happening because if I'm feeling scared then I'm being real and that IS the goal after all.

Many of us put up these huge walls in childhood to keep our Souls safe from the harshness we perceive around us in the world.  There's nothing wrong with the walls and they do protect us for a time as we learn to exist in a body but, over time, the walls can come down again.  Once they're down we can love unconditionally.  Issues arise when the walls don't come down and we make them higher, stronger, more impenetrable.  Before long we are trapped behind them wondering why we can't feel anything or why we are so numb or, creating ways to make ourselves stay numb.  Our hearts shrivel and wither and we become angry, sad, depressed, bitter, resentful, afraid, alone and maybe even desperate.  We seek Light and Love but the walls block our view and eventually we even forget the walls are there and pretend that it's other people's walls that are the problem.

Bringing the walls down needs to happen brick by brick to allow compassion to guide us through.  Tearing walls down inside like a crazed demolition expert will be excrutiatingly painful and frightening for you and those you care about and, if you insist on doing this, ensure you have masses of professional and personal support as the ride will get very bumpy indeed.

Bringing the wall down brick by brick though, you get to know yourself and your reactions, you get to grow up again in a nurtured and loving way.  It's a chance to re-parent that infant inside who didn't understand before that the only Love we're really here to find is self-love.  That when we truly and unconditionally love and accept and cherish every aspect of our own being, we automatically love, accept and cherish everything and everyone else too.

I began tearing down my wall many years ago before I understood any of this and now I'm sifting through the remaining rubble and finding many precious and rare gems.  Brick by brick, I'm getting to know the Soul of who I am and it's an incredible and amazing experience.  I have unlimited courage and dedication to being the most real me that I can and I think you do too.

Onwards and upwards

Jhundi P

When I was expecting my first child my senses became extremely acute.  For the first time in my memory I could smell.  My sense of smell was almost nonexistent until then and it was overwhelming to suddenly have that ability.  It got so that I could smell sugar on a spoon that had been used to stir a cup of tea.  I felt nauseous all the time from being bombarded with what I perceived as sickenly strong aromas.  Sugar, chemicals, perfumes, fuels, plants and everything else became too much to be around.  Once my son was born, it all began to return to normal and once again I had virtually no sense of smell.  Many years later I would learn that trauma had created the lack of sense activation and that it could be healed.

My son is 25 now and during the past year as I've done some major, core healing of infant trauma, my sense of smell (and my other senses) has returned with a vengeance.  It's so overwhelming I even struggle to hug my husband as he smokes and the chemicals on him are overwhelmingly strong to me.  Today I went to a public pool and felt nauseous at the smell of chlorine on my skin afterwards.  I've had to change all soaps and deodorants to avoid the scents and I can no  longer wear perfume or hair products for more than 2 hours at a time without scratching, sneezing or coughing.

I'm actually really grateful for all this because life has not been great without a sense of smell.  While many odours are indeed unpleasant, being unable to smell flowers or babies skin or rain is sad.  I had very little sensation of touch or taste either and, I had relied almost totally on sight, sound and intuition to interpret the world with for almost 1/2 a century.  Having the other senses wake up after all this time has no been easy and has at times been frightening - I can now smell fuel in the air around service stations when they refuel their underground tanks!  Sometimes when I eat a meal now or take a shower I cry at the sheer joy of the experience!  The feeling of warm water on my skin and the explosion of tastes in my food is amazing.  Feeling touch and breezes and the breath in my throat is indescribably beautiful.  Having not had these joys before makes me very aware of them now and I am grateful.  I'm lonely at times because I've been isolated trying to give myself an opportunity to get used to these massive changes.  Sometimes normal sounds pierce my ears with huge vibrations.  It really is like what I imagine newborn babies go through, even light sensitivity and overwhelming emotions.

More and more I believe that there is nothing the body cannot heal with the right amount of self-love, knowledge, support and dedication.  I've been listening solely to my body to make some much needed changes over the past year and I'm really looking forward to reaping these rewards for many years to come.  I have stopped smoking, have an almost totally vegan diet, started meditating daily, learning and practicing regular energy healing, eradicating negativity from my thoughts, found forgiveness for all hurts, am living totally off grid, eliminated all forms of abuse and allowed my faith to guide every day in my life.  Instead of perfectionism, I'm simply asking my body and responding with love and determination and I'm healthier than I've ever been in my whole life.  I have not had a cluster headache in over 2 years and that is one of the most amazing blessings of all.  

So yes I'm grateful and I'm truly thankful for each new moment as it unfolds.

June Parkin

I've made no secret of the fact that I have been extremely judgmental throughout my life.  Growing up, I believed I was 'above' that sort of thing and I preached at my family about their judgments. I went to church for about a year and this made me even more sure of how much everyone else judged and how little I did.  Boy was I wrong!

At 35 I became very painfully aware of just how judgmental I had always been and I was mortified.  I couldn't believe how unaware and wrong I had been and I determined to change that in myself, whatever it takes.

I've come a long way since then and although I still struggle with judgment, I am not like I used to be.  I've spent the past 12 years training my brain and, more importantly, learning to love and accept myself as I am. I've come to learn also that any judgment I have of others is simply a need to acknowledge and love that quality in myself.  I know and believe that if there is even one cell of my being that I refuse to love then that cell will remain in darkness for me and I will keep drawing people and experiences to me that reflect it in my life.  I've also learned that the more I avoid it, the bigger it gets.  I've survived a lot of wrecking balls in my life and I'm now aiming to look faster, take the 'feathers' and make the changes to avoid the wrecking balls.  I'm not so much afraid of those wrecking balls as I am keen to provide myself with gentler experiences.  The wrecking balls have been great teachers and have propelled me towards a more loving heart-mind connection.  I have just finally reached a place where I care enough about myself to take it easier on myself.  

For decades I was my own worst critic and I drew much criticism and even abuse to wake me up but I wasn't ready.  Like sleeping beauty, I lay in lifeless ignorance of the need for self love and waited for loves first kiss to bring me to life never realising that my 'prince' was my Self too.  That the love I so desperately needed had to come from within, from me.  

Now I can love me.  I'm still working on judgments and still learning to truly appreciate the majesty of who I truly am, as I suspect we all are.  I've learned to love me unconditionally though, like I love my children, my husband, my friends and really, everybody else.  No matter how anyone behaves, I don't stop loving them, it's not in my nature.  Sure I might feel angry, hurt, sad or whatever but I still love and, now I can even try to have compassion for anyone I feel hurt by.  I have compassion now for all beings and that's only possible through self love.

I choose today to love and accept myself exactly as I am right now and afford the same love to all other things in existence and I feel grateful for every moment, experience, person and thing that has helped me and is helping me to grow even more loving.

June Parkin

I have often wondered what it might be like to have my life flash before my eyes and now, metaphorically at least, it has.  Not in a chain of seconds or minutes joined by time but in moments stretched out over years, mere seconds over the span of eternity.  Within the context of an aeon, a single human lifetime IS mere seconds.

Over the past 12 years, all of the preceding moments of my life have paraded before me again as memories to be acknowledged, emotionally attached to, let go and forgiven. Many times memories of the same moment came through so it could be viewed from a different perspective.  As I changed and became more positive and loving, so too did my perception of the memory change.  Over the past 9 months, this process has sped up exponentially as I have finally reached the peak of my perceptual goal-embracing full forgiveness of myself and all others.  I now recognise that anyone else whom I cannot forgive and love is simply reflecting to me an aspect of myself that I was previously unable to love or accept.  Today I have once again stunned myself by recognising another of these gifts-that I was believing I was unworthy of forgiveness by others.  I held this belief because there was still some part of me that could not forgive myself.  I've gone straight in and sorted that and as I did my heart clamped tight like it was in a vice and then, let go.  Tears replaced the pressure and flowed unabashedly to relieve the decades old tension that had reached its use by date and was begging for release.

Memories of old tragedies, atrocities and abuse are neither pleasant nor easy to face and I honour everyone who does.  While they can take a horrible toll, the price can be much higher when those same memories are ignored or avoided (even by forgetting).  I've learned now that the memories are there to help.  If we want happiness and joy, we need to release whatever pain we've learned to trap inside ourselves and that pain can be transmuted into bliss if we just keep moving forward with an open heart and mind.  With even a small spark of self love, we can all do whatever it is that our Soul needs from us.  

I can't begin to describe the amazing transformation happening within me now as the memories surface for what feels like the very last time. I've learned all I can from them now and feel no pain or malice within them anymore.  I'm sure there will be more but I'm also sure the hardest part is over and I'm loving the ability to feel the miracle of life every day within my being.

Onwards and upwards

June Parkin

As the driver of the physical vehicle for my soul, there are things that I can do to enjoy the ride more.  The car I drive is a great external reflection for this.  Take my car for example: I have been working tirelessly for months on cleaning out all toxicity, negativity and lack of self love that was still within me but, my car is now attracting more dust than ever before.  The 'cleaner' I get on the inside, the more noticeable the muck that's left becomes.  While I once would have moaned and despaired that it was all pointless because it's just going to get dirty again anyway, I can now rejoice that I must be getting very clean indeed if the muck is hanging on so tightly now.

As I do in life, I scrape the dust off my car and keep on working towards self love.  Soon the dirt will learn that it is now wasting it's time with me as I simply love and accept it as part of who I am.  It can't ruffle me or stick to me anymore, no matter how much of it there is or what ingenious little places it surfaces.  It's a natural part of nature and, it's dirt.  I can just keep grounding myself with it to remind me I'm having a human experience.

I was laughing the other day about how I get my car serviced regularly with devotion and was, at the same time saying I was never going to a doctor again because I can heal myself.  As I heard it I realised that the doctor is my body's mechanic and so in going today for a service and checkup.  I've also changed the fuel for my body.  The accelerator has been flat to the floor in my nervous system for 47 years and extra care needs to be taken now.  I've been learning how to ease the brake on for the past 12 years and now I'm learning how to put the cruise control on and just go a little slower to start with.  I've gone almost totally vegan in listening to my body and now I'm going to use Ayurvedic wisdom to give myself a tune up.  5 rhythms dance, meditation, mantras, singing, music, research and prayer keeps the motor purring nicely in me now and, treating myself like the Rolls Royce SP that I am is so much wiser and more beneficial than treating myself like the beat up old Torana I used to flog to death.

I'm learning to clean out the dust and apply a waxy shine to my energy system and to flow more smoothly through traffic (other people).  There are so many allegories I can use between the vehicles of my car and body and it feels good to have more tools to help me wake up the love inside.

Onwards and upwards

Jhundi P

Happy International Women's Day.  May we love unconditionally the esoteric female - the human body; the yin; the earth; the moon; the heart and the creative essence of life itself; the Shakti; the Soul; the Wisdom; the Madonna; the Ma; the Mother and the Goddess.  May we all learn to honour the Love in all things in the highest and most reverent ways available to us by honouring the feminine within ourselves, each other and this planet.  May we remember that in this Now, masculine and feminine are essential for existence, peace, balance and harmony and that no matter what our individual or collective perceptions of history are, it is the feminine that can lead us all to heal the wounds and scars to find again the true power of the Divine within is all. Today marks the merging of yin and yang in the universe granting us all a chance to rise above pain and open our hearts even more to the privilege of life and love.  

June Parkin 2016

Love is the fabric of my existence.  It doesn't matter what name I call it by, it will still be Love.  I choose to call it God when I pray but I have learned that I can call it anything I like and it still exists exactly the same as it always did and always will.  I have also learned that all the times I feared calling it by ANY name, those were simply my need to keep it small because I myself felt too small to exalt in it fully and with unbridled passion and faith.  Once I could let go of my need to fear it, hate it, avoid it, cling to it, depend on it, control it and blame it, I began to see that it can only really exist within me.  I began to understand that anything I could not accept in myself and others was simply an image of what I could not accept about Love.  I know now that loving mySelf unconditionally is the only way for me to experience at-one-ment, unity consciousness, full unity with God, Bliss.

It may never happen, I may be unable to achieve it but knowing me as I do now, I doubt that very much.  I have a fire inside me that drives me forward and although at times it threatens to scorch and consume me, it feeds my passion, gives me tenacity and drive and keeps me focused so now I can love the fire too.  I feel excited by that because over the past 12 years I have actively learned to love the air, wind and water within me but still feared the fire and now, I can truly thank God for my fire.  

I could not see this clearly before and I blamed a lot of other people for igniting this thing within me that I refused to acknowledge.  I feared it and hated them.  I called them abusers and justified my hatred by judging THEIR behaviors.  They HURT me!  I feel so blessed to be able to see now that they have TAUGHT me more than anyone else could have.  Those 'perpetrators' have taught me to love myself, to value myself, to protect myself, to nurture myself.  

I used to hate myself with all the conscious, subconscious and unconscious passion I could muster.  As these other people defiled, degraded, humiliated, provoked, belittled and abused me, I slowly came to see that I was worth more than that.   It took me 35 years to even comprehend that I did not have to 'accept' abuse and that by me walking away, I had all the power to stop it.  So, these people whom I used to fear, judge and hate have taught me invaluable lessons like how to say no; how to walk away; how to fight fair; how to demand and then to command respect; introspection; communication; how to love myself more than my need to be loved by others; how to make Love more important to me than ANYthing else.  They have taught me to let go of infantile attachments, seek a Love greater than I have ever known and find it deep within myself.  Now that I can recognise the incredible gifts they have given me, I find it impossible to fear, hate  or judge them anymore.  Better yet, they taught me to so thoroughly reject abuse in all forms that I have even lost all desire to abuse myself now too. Anything I become aware of within me as non-loving, I take immediate steps to change now: my attitude, my diet, my environment, my thoughts, my behaviors.  It's all got to go.  No alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, chemicals, animal products, gossip, condemnation, blame, malice, shaming, intolerance, abusing others or nature.  

I can now accept that sometimes I will have unloving thoughts, behaviors, energy and feelings and that by loving and accepting that, I can use these to guide me further into my consciousness to reveal whatever those reflections are for me, believing that this world mirrors everything I unknowingly project into it.  It's an incredible feeling.

I'm not perfect and I no longer want to be.  I want simply to be always filled with the Love I know I am capable of feeling, expanding and transferring.  I am here for Love alone, whatever it gets called and I can think of no greater way to Love myself or you.

Onwards and upwards

June P

God has such a wonderful sense of humor! Attending a workshop today, I got some first-hand experience of the topic at hand when I was asked to share information with the group and I froze.  It was an excellent learning experience for me and an opportunity to reflect on my spiritual arrogance that I have worn as fear for so long.  When I believed it was fear, it was easy to stand and face it because it felt more like an external foe, something to push against, something to overpower, something to support me in staying in victim consciousness, something to wrest my power back from.

Recognising my fear as arrogance changes the whole scenario.  This makes it internal and as such, cannot be destroyed without destroying part of mySelf.  No, this is to be loved and surrendered to if I want it to change within me.   Acknowledging this arrogance is a chance to awaken more fully, to expose another low vibration in my energy and make the choice to raise it into Light.  This is another chance to heal from the heart and resist the temptations that my thinking self tries to imprison me with.  This is a chance for my heart to soar and finally have its chance to lead too.  Thank you head, you've been so amazing, now it's only fair for heart to have a turn before you learn to work together for all time.

This evening as I reflected on it all, I initially began to doubt myself and put pressure on myself to get up, get moving, get a life and as two or three tears rolled down my face, I felt the physical sensation of my heart breaking open with compassion and then the dam burst open wide.  For 1/2 a minute I sobbed and then like magic my inner parent kicked in and soothed me with the wise reminder that all of this is why I began this stage of my journey in the first place, so I could feel every feeling I have without judgement.  I'm proud of my courage, mySelf and my growth.

What a great experience and 

opportunity to learn and grow👼🏼👼🏼

And today after 15 months without one, I got a fridge!! That is heaven right there for me.

Onwards and upwards

Jhundi P

A few years ago I watched the movie "The Bucket List" and decided to write up my own list.  I remember being asked about 12 years ago to write down 5 things I've always wanted to try but never been game to.  I'm pretty sure I ended up being the only person in the room who didn't want to bungee jump!  I wanted to sing in public, write a book and sit outside in an electrical storm.  Before that day I had no idea what I wanted because I did not have dreams or hopes for myself before then.  I had never dared to dream because life had hurt so much that I had buried my dreams too deep for me to find them.

In the past 12 years I have tried hundreds of new things, made many lists of dreams and crossed them all off too, I've done the kitbag them now.  When I started my 'bucket list' I aimed high: travel overseas, marry my soul mate, big things.  (Last year I married my soul mate so maybe I'll get overseas one day too).  

Today I realised I want to start a new list.  I want to make a list of miracles-the small, every day things that make me cry with gratitude each day now like hearing a song of love, being appreciated, feeling blessed, bird songs, frogs croaking me to sleep, spiders spinning webs away from where I walk, kangaroos and deer eating breakfast beside me, sleeping beside my husband, being a mum and Nanna, learning, spirituality and prayer, smiles, tears, hugs, children, my home, friends, soy chai latte, having no tv or electricity, driving, my heart, my mind, my soul, my brain, my body, good health, being broke, creativity, positivity, sunsets, and love.  All this and more makes it possible for me to truly cherish and appreciate every moment I have and I have dreamed of being able to do that for a very very long time.  I can now honestly say I am grateful to have had my world turned on its head so that I can finally see the blessings that are available in beingness.

Onwards and upwards

Jhundi P

Last night I was treated to a delicious, vegan, Thai green curry with lots of love poured into it.  I've never tried that before and when I did, it was delicious!  I even had a second serving.  Many thanks for getting the opportunity to eat that just once in my life, another simple and exquisite treasure to add to my bucket list and cross off.

I don't usually eat curry because historically my body has rejected it.  Last night I realised why.  My poor body lived for decades with the sympathetic nervous system in hyperdrive.  With the SNS activated, the immune system is suppressed causing it to 'heat up' ready to fight off any internal threat.  If the SNS is elevated for too long, the Parasympathetic Nervous System kicks in to slow it all down and 'cool off'.  Digestion is possible in a parasympathetic state only.  Last night after eating the delicious meal I began to itch.  For the past 8 months I have been undergoing a physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual transformation and my core body temp has risen.  I took antihistamine through the worst of it to help my body adjust.  I have removed all 'heat' that I can from my environment including toxins, stimulants, pharmaceuticals, stress, and food items like coffee, sugar, and animal products.  This has all eased the symptoms greatly and, for the most part, the extra heat is there all the time virtually allowed to just be while my body adjusts to it.  I've also learned some scientifically proven ways to expel the heat like movement, mantras, stretches, dancing, singing, meditation and prayer.  Because I'm at a peaceful and accepting place with this heat now, I knew within an hour what had inflamed my itch and I took some antihistamine so my body could recover without strain.  This morning it has settled right down and reminds me that: when the body perceives a threat, it is designed to act appropriately and quickly.  When the threat has passed, there is a brake that will be applied and, if that doesn't work, the brain perceives a new, internal threat and pushes higher.  If the internal threat is too great, all external threats will not register to the brain resulting in inertia and apathy, a seeming inability to function.  This is a normal and autonomic response to extreme internal threat and hopefully humanity is almost ready to know, accept and have some compassion for that now.  

There are ways to prepare the body for moments like these such as the things I've listed above that I'm doing for my body and that the oldest cultures have always known.  I'm so glad my culture has finally made a space for me to learn what it could not teach me about my own body mind and spirit. No more curry for me, I feel so blessed I got to try it once, it really was divine.  Now I'm off to learn about a 'raw diet' so my body has the best possible chance of healing.  This will not be about dieting though as I don't follow those.  It's about learning what my body needs from me in order for me to be at optimum health.

Onwards and upwards

June Parkin 2016

I still remember the day, about 12 years ago, when I heard for the very first time that feelings are an internal warning system that helps us know when we're okay and when we're not.  It blew me away because I had learned to completely dissociate from my feelings and could not even identify them by then, let alone feel my feelings.  I set out to learn all I could about these mythological creatures who had such power to change my world.  These 'feelings' had exotic names like 'fear', 'joy', 'sadness', 'happiness', 'terror', 'despair' and 'bliss'.  There were so many feelings I was given 2 whole lists to help me identify them all and it took me a few years to do it too.  I was so unaware of feelings that in order to reconnect I had to think my way there by noticing where the energy was in my body.  I was as unaware of my body as I was of my feelings so this took some practice and many counseling sessions to make any progress.  Once I had a dozen or so feelings comfortably in my perception, I made pretty good headway with the rest and soon began to recognise and formally learn about how the undischarged energy of emotions gets trapped in the body and creates dis-ease.  I began looking at my body's aches, pains and ailments quite differently and found amazing healing was happening within my body.  Slowly but surely I stopped needing the medications I had been described for pain and I learned how to acknowledge, accept and even appreciate my body.  I also learned enough to allow me to support others in learning their own way through their maze of feelings.

All of this led me to get to know myself on the deepest and most intimate level I can imagine.  I have now learned to flow with my feelings, allowing the energy to pass through unhindered.  Of course I'm not perfect, I don't want to be, I simply want to enjoy more of life than I used to and, once upon a time my world felt always grey.  Now I feel rainbows everywhere, inside and out.  It's glorious to feel so alive and I love the shades and nuances that feelings bring.  No two feelings are the same nor does each feeling feel entirely the same every time I feel it.  

I found rage, bliss and powerless terror the scariest feelings because they are primal, visceral and need to be surrendered to completely in order for true equilibrium to be restored to the body mind and spirit.  Fortunately, because I learned how to care about myself along the way and trust myself to know what I need, I was prepared for these feelings by the time I arrived at them and was able to navigate through them in relative safety.

I have now learned that it was in fact these 3 very powerful feelings emerging within me that started my whole journey in the first place. They rose up within me 12 years ago and I could not cope with them at all and almost died trying.  Not this time, this time I was ready, willing and able to use them to propel me to the next level of healing and who knows what that will bring?  

Now that I know that my feelings are my Souls way of telling me when I'm in tune with my Self and when I'm not, and that my feelings are created by the thoughts I'm choosing to have, I can  now train my brain to support me in feeling good.  That new and exciting journey will be a whole other post.

Onwards and upwards

Jhundi P💜💜💜