Purpose

A few years ago I was reading a book by Dr Wayne Dyer and he wrote about purpose, wondering if, supposing I came from God and God was love (and God knows and is nothing more than love) what purpose would I have asked God to let me come here and fulfill?  For a few weeks I pondered this and tried to find something about it to reject but it had struck a chord within me as I tried reflecting back on my life to discover if, in fact, my life had all been a journey to fulfill some greater calling, some purpose. What if, I wondered, I really was a soul born from love, here to have a physical existence to fulfill some divine intent of my own request?  What would that request have been?  What path have I really been on?  What is the answer to why I'm here at all?

One morning, I sat atop a large boulder under some gum trees to continue my reflection when suddenly it hit me "I came here to experience love!! To feel love, be love, give love, receive love, have love, lose love, enjoy love, grieve the loss of love, rejoice in love - to really, through every sense - experience love.  Love, the essence of life, the glory of creation, the blessing of being, the guiding light.  Love, for so long elusive and unobtainable.  How could this be my purpose though, when I had been so hurt and wronged? I imagined I had gotten a very raw deal if this was indeed my purpose on this earth but then, my mind dared to wonder if maybe I was still looking at this through unseeing eyes.  

Suddenly my perspective shifted again and I began to see how all of my life to that point had possibly helped and supported my journey to fulfilment.  I had previously seen only what abuse had done to me and never considered that it may have also worked for me.  I see it now but I resisted the knowledge at first because I was not quite ready to let go of the blame.  I was not quite ready to accept the ultimate responsibility, that I may have indeed asked to come here.  Did that mean I was to blame for what I went through!  If I accepted responsibility, was I absolving the hurters?  Would everything change if I believed it? 

I found it thrilling and scary all at once.  I experienced what I can only describe as momentary enlightenment that day. My entire life, my history, my pain, suddenly it all made so much sense.  Those hurters gave me the gift of showing me, very clearly, what love is not and in so doing, they too helped me on my journey to fulfill my souls true purpose - to fully experience love in human form.  To experience the complexities of life, the powerful energy in motion within me (e+motion), the endurance of my spirit and the courage of my heart.  My whole existence has meaning and purpose.  I finally felt that I had meaning and purpose and I have been unwilling to hate ever since.  I have finally found forgiveness and clarity.  While my ego attempts to seduce me with fear and blame, my soul holds to Ghandi with, "be the change you want to see in the world."

Many people find me intense, frustrating, annoying and simplistic.  I don't need them to like me as life is not a personality contest and I'm not here to meet the needs of others through becoming a chameleon liked I became so used to doing when I knew no better.  What I do need is to love God with all my heart and soul and love my neighbour as I love my self (and love myself as I love my neighbour).   These words took on a whole new meaning for me that day and now, although I know it will not be easy in any way, it is simple and I am committed to fulfilling my own destiny - I am love and that is my sole and my soul purpose.

Until next time

xxjxx