Goodbye year

As another year draws to an end, I find myself wanting to let go of anything not serving me.  Where once I hung onto every experience, every memory, every slight, every pain like I had nothing more precious to 'collect', I have now 'grown up' enough to realise that holding onto that old baggage holds me back and keeps me a victim, chaining me to it as securely as if I were padlocked into it.

I am mindfully sifting through the 'baggage' of yesterday and offering it up to release myself from its control so that I may be free to experience the wonder of today, now, and look excitedly towards what bliss the future may have in store for me, if I am unencumbered by the misery of what has already passed and has served me in whatever way it has, in my 'past' (aka: a moment ago).

I once felt safest bound in the shackles of the misery, blame and if-only's that I clung to in desperation but now I have new beginnings to anchor myself to which offer to weave me into a rich tapestry of love, hope, faith and strength and I have vowed to myself that I do not want to be still wallowing in today's pain in another 20 years time just because I chose not to heal today's pain today.

I was once a mindless automaton who modelled self-doubt, martyrdom, powerlessness, unforgiveness and a lack of personal control and, having worked really hard for 10 years solid and giving up everything I held dear at the time, I am not going to make it all count for nothing and role-model the same things to another generation of people that I love dearly.

I remind myself often of what freedom once cost me and cost those I cherish and of the incredible journey I have travelled since then.  Where once I could only see my hatred, bitterness and despair, I now open myself up to the miracle I have learned to call life.  I drink thirstily from it.

As this year closes, so too do my wistful imaginings of how things should have been, could have been, might have been, once were.  I trust and believe that 2014 will bring a whole kaleidoscope of rainbow colours to my already miraculous universe and I want me more of that!  Goodbye this year, hello new year!

I hope you're able to let go of the old and make room for the new in your life too because you are so worth it!!

xxjxx