Learning patience

Last night I discovered a huge, festering splinter in my soul that I needed to remove.  It was so hard to recognise and it hurt to suddenly see how I had disconnected from so much over the past 5 years without knowing I was doing that.  This year I have been very aware of something trying to surface and, although I once would have had no patience to wait until it came up in its own time, this year I have actually felt very content and happy to allow things to run their own course.  For a long time, I flooded and pushed, cracking the proverbial whip over myself in some kind of mindless self-flagellation because I was still a victim to my inner critical parents and they knew no other way to motivate me.  

Now though, I have mindfully been encouraging them to learn how to be lovingly firm instead and it's paying off for me. I have been able to create some key safety principles and internal group safety agreements to help the facilitation of the group that is me and each member has a safe place of refuge as well as group safe places we can "meet".  

Finding and letting go of that splinter was crucial to my future physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health on every level and it was removed with love and tenderness and not just yanked out :-). The large void it left has now been filled with love and light - me and my guys know the road ahead will be a litle scary as we learn to connect without holding back anything and I'm sure there is much to learn while doing it (aka more pain and fear and mistakes).  The wonderful thing is that I can already feel the child parts of me clamouring to burst free and revel in the glory of being and I feel very grateful and excited (and anxious, of course) to be re-infected, this time with enthusiasm.

This year is Hope's year. Patience, love, light, connecting, grace, learning, growing and being and, if it takes all year, I am more than happy to wait.

xxjxx